Badly behaved child at funeral

[bizzybeing]

My Granddad died recently at the age of 102 and the funeral was this week. DM and her siblings let all the grandchildren know that the great-grandchildren were very welcome at the funeral but not expected and that it was up to us, as parents, to decide whether or not to bring them.

The great-grandchildren range in age from 14yo to 3mo. The older kids all came as did the baby which was no problem. My cousin decided that her 2yo and 4yo would never sit still so didn't bring them.

We discussed it with our boys and they were all keen to go. DS1 (11yo) and DS2 (8yo) are both generally well behaved so I was happy they should come. DS3 is 5yo and can be a menace so I was less sure about taking him but it was a 4hr drive from home and so we'd have to leave him overnight by himself with the PILs. The PILs were happy to do that but DS3 really didn't want to be left so we agreed to take him. Beforehand we set out clear expectations for him and also agreed that if he didn't cope with sitting still then DH would just take him out and go for a walk.

My DB and SIL also decided to bring their kids. My nephew (10yo) was a delight as always. However my niece (5yo) was, in my opinion, a badly behaved brat. DB and family arrived late (they delayed the coffin to let them into the chapel first) because DN refused to get dressed and then DN proceeded to demonstrate her gymnastics skills at the front of the chapel through the entire service! DB and SIL made a few half hearted attempts to get her to sit down but basically just let her carry on doing cartwheels and twirling around waving a scarf over her head.

AIBU to think that if she couldn't sit at least reasonably still then DN should have been taken out of the service?

FWIW this is fairly standard behaviour for DN and DB and SIL could easily have left her at home. They only had a 45min drive to get to the funeral which started at 11am and was on a day they both normally work so have routine childcare from 8am-6pm.

I think you are letting it get to you too much.

I agree with the word 'brat', but the fault lies squarely with the parents.
When ours were young children, I took the youngest out of the cinema during Ratatouille because, even though it was a children's film, I didn't think it was fair that he kept running down the aisle.

What appalling behaviour - by the parents! Of course they are responsible for their child's behaviour. They, the parents, are an utter disgrace. That poor child, being brought up to believe that they can behave however they like, when ever they like, where ever they like! Life is not like that.
(I pause for a moment to imagine the quality of learning that would've happened had I apolied that "logic' to my Primary school classrooms.)
Parents, one of the most important things your vital role involves is to socialise your children. This means, to enable the child become a decent, considerate member of a civilised society, a process cannot begin too early.
It doesn't mean adopting the role of The Genie of the Lamp.
A 5 year old is perfectly capable of sitting still, of being quiet, of understanding that different situations require different behaviour.
What a shame some parents think that all children can do, indeed should be expected to do, is whatever they fancy at that moment.

The kid sounds insufferable and the parents too. It's people like that them who give all parents a bad name. However I am not someone who thinks funerals need to be done a certain way or that kids don't belong there or should be silent. I would be happy for children to attend any family funeral that I was at and to move around a bit and ask questions. Death is a part of life. I would draw the line at gymnastics though!

Sound like a ‘love me love my kid’ sort of couple. Not a lot you could do about it at the time and it’s over now. Try to put it behind you.

There is a MASSIVE difference between being buttoned up and sad, and a child doing cartwheels and scarf waving at the front of the church for the duration of the service. I stand by what I said, if you want a dance performance for your funeral you should make your wishes known because it's very unconventional during a church funeral service. These sorts of things would be discussed with the celebrant as part of the funeral plans.

If she was doing gymnastics at the back I might have let it slide but definitely not at the front.

Absolutely appalling lack of parenting, how disrespectful. Idiotic, lazy parents like this, think the world revolves around their over indulged child.

Nobody said anything though and just tolerated it. This would have driven me insane at any of my grandparents actual funeral service regardless of whether it was a celebration of life. I will never get to hear their voice or have a cwtch again and I was upset. Yes children need to move etc but the parents need to realise it’s not appropriate for the setting and taken her somewhere to move.

speak up and say something as you didn’t get the chance to make your peace at the funeral as it was distracting.