Colleague being unreasonable over generous work gift

[AConcernedCitizen]

Will try to keep this brief!

• Team traveling abroad for work.

• Some time ago, in lieu of a Christmas party, company offered to extend the trip by an additional 3 nights, at a very popular nearby tourist destination. Flights, transfers, accom for the additional time all paid for. All other expenses our own.

• Additional nights were completely optional, option to fly straight home after the work part of the trip was also on the table. Everyone accepted the extra trip.

• The place we are traveling to for the 'fun' part of the trip is very expensive in terms of food/drink/entertainment.

• We travel tomorrow.

Last week one team member started dropping hints about booking 'group activities' to fill our time, but it was quickly made clear that everybody else wants to spend it casually going to shops, bars, restaurants, exploring and enjoying the kind of entertainment this city is known for. Most of us (not her) have been before and have places we want to go already pencilled in.

They had previously kicked off over the hotel situation. For budget reason we had the option of sharing rooms in the city centre or individual rooms a short (£20) cab ride away. Everyone but her wanted individual rooms, at which point she stated point blank she could not afford the cost of taxis this close to Christmas, and if she didn't want to go to shops/bars/food with the rest of us this would be completely unfair on her.

For the last few days they have done nothing but complain about the cost of the trip, being left out, suggesting to younger colleagues that the extended trip is a 'team thing' and as such we should do everything together (it very much is not) and suggesting ridiculous activities that nobody wants to do, eg, a 5k run!

This will be an expensive trip (we think about £1000 for food, drinks & entertainment PP for the additional 3 nights), but we all knew that beforehand and have had six months to save. She has no children and still lives at home. We are all well paid.

Today, she has dropped the bombshell that she has booked herself a flight home 24 hours early, at a cost of more than £500 (plus transfers). As she's not a big drinker/eater, this will likely end up being the more expensive option than staying the last night!

Some of the younger team members (who she has been leaning on quite heavily with the guilt) are now a bit annoyed/upset. They feel that she lied about not being able to afford taxis in order to get her own way. They are also worried that the trip will end up being ruined by her complaining, and the awkwardness of her refusing to split cabs, bills etc, which has occurred on previous work trips.

Despite the trip being gifted, everyone is spending a lot of their own money to be there and a couple of people have mentioned privately that they will outright refuse to share a cab/table with her.

We don't have much of an organisational hierarchy (small core team), but as a senior member of staff I have been asked by others to speak to her.

Surely she is being very unreasonable here, but how do I navigate this?

AIBU to ask her to give it a rest with the complaining/money talk? Or am I going to risk making it worse if she knows people have complained?

Again though you're assuming she's not paying her way based on heresay. The OPs junior colleges have made some comments and now the OP has formed this opinion of her. She's basing that on essentially nothing more than gossip and apparently that gossip now means it's fine to badmouth this colleague both to other staff and online.

This is one situation I'd love to hear the alternative version of I suspect the truth is very different.

Fair point, I misread that at the bottom.

It said she told people she couldn't afford taxis, so I read it that she was expecting to share for free which people didn't want to do (fair enough).

But someone who moans it's too expensive then spends more on a flight home than it would have cost them to stay is just being pedantic for the sake of it. Would you want to spend your holiday with someone like that? I can absolutely see why people are kicking up a fuss. This woman is being a kill-joy and cutting off her nose to spite her face.

Exactly. The OP has stated that this colleague is not a big eater/drinker. I bet her colleagues are pissed that she refuses to split the bill and subsidise their 3 course meals with wine, cocktails and side dishes when she's had a main meal and one glass of something.

It’s probably me, but I’m not sure how her leaving early affects anyone else?

What would you be complaining about? You could choose not to take the extra days and just go home.

Neither should someone be called cheap if they don't want to fund another persons drinking habits or those that choose the most expensive thing on the menu.

She misunderstood the situation and was hoping to spend a few days sightseeing and so on in a group. Then realised her mistake and tried to persuade the rest of you to go along with it, using her lack of money as a reason. Then fell out with you all. She was probably genuinely ambivalent about spending the money.
I feel quite sorry for her because it will feel miserable leaving early and may be difficult interacting with her colleagues next year, but you can't all change your plans just to create the kind of holiday she wanted.

If the colleague refuses to pay her bill then it’s acceptable to refuse to share a table with her.

apparently

Where has OP said that any of that happens?

No no, the taxis (well Uber equivalent) are around £20 each way in total from our hotel to the epicenter of where we're staying.

So a regular cab would be a fiver per person, or £10 per day there and back assuming four shared.

So what, the others should just pay for her every time?

The junior colleagues are the ones saying they won't share cabs or tables. It's not hearsay. It's them saying she's done this to us before, we're not allowing it to happen again.

I'm also someone who doesn't drink, so I don't participate in buying rounds. That means I don't accept drinks in rounds either.

I am still of the opinion that the trip was mis-sold to the colleague, maybe not by the company but by other colleagues or that it changed when the OP and the other "senior members of staff" decided to go.

We don't know what the woman pays for.
I suspect that as she isn't a big eater or drinker she pays for what she eats, and the others are annoyed because she won't pay for their expensive meals and drinks.

Unless the OP has seen this with her own eyes or directly experienced it, its hearsay.

So she is a CF who the others have spotted and are now refusing to sub anymore?

Thats not bullying, thats refusing to be bullied themselves!

And, as is the way with all CF when things dont go their way, she is throwing a good ol' flounce. She has worked out that she will have to pay her own way for a change and doesnt like it. Explains why she has the money for £500 flight home.....

Its was a response to another poster that I quoted.

If it’s a work trip why are you paying for your own taxis? Or do you mean only for the last three days? The whole thing sounds like a weird set up tbh, pressurising people to lay out a large amount of their own money or else be seen as ‘difficult’ and frozen out, like this woman.

I don't see why or how you would have to do anything? Surely she's going to go home 24 hours early and everyone else will just carry on doing whatever they want? How does it affect anyone now?

What do you think the trip has changed from?

The company has essentially offered free time at the destination with accommodation.

The benefit for everyone is they get to do whatever they want to do. That is the whole point of why it’s attractive. If the company told everyone what they have to do in those 3 days then it’s unlikely that the employees would accept the offer.

So of course these employees won’t take kindly to this woman dictating what they need to do in that time.

With your updates OP,I doubt very much there is anything you can say that will smooth out this situation.

Good on the juniors for not letting minnie the moocher steal their money.

This isn't the case. She isn't a big eater or drinker, but has in the past accepted drinks in rounds and refused to reciprocate when it's her 'turn'. She recently outright refused to contribute to a restaurant bill at the end of a meal because she couldn't afford it.

It sounds like she is trying to balance what she wants to do (go home early) with what she thinks people are expecting her to do (stay on after work bit).

What exactly do they want you to talk to her about?