Colleague being unreasonable over generous work gift

[AConcernedCitizen]

Will try to keep this brief!

• Team traveling abroad for work.

• Some time ago, in lieu of a Christmas party, company offered to extend the trip by an additional 3 nights, at a very popular nearby tourist destination. Flights, transfers, accom for the additional time all paid for. All other expenses our own.

• Additional nights were completely optional, option to fly straight home after the work part of the trip was also on the table. Everyone accepted the extra trip.

• The place we are traveling to for the 'fun' part of the trip is very expensive in terms of food/drink/entertainment.

• We travel tomorrow.

Last week one team member started dropping hints about booking 'group activities' to fill our time, but it was quickly made clear that everybody else wants to spend it casually going to shops, bars, restaurants, exploring and enjoying the kind of entertainment this city is known for. Most of us (not her) have been before and have places we want to go already pencilled in.

They had previously kicked off over the hotel situation. For budget reason we had the option of sharing rooms in the city centre or individual rooms a short (£20) cab ride away. Everyone but her wanted individual rooms, at which point she stated point blank she could not afford the cost of taxis this close to Christmas, and if she didn't want to go to shops/bars/food with the rest of us this would be completely unfair on her.

For the last few days they have done nothing but complain about the cost of the trip, being left out, suggesting to younger colleagues that the extended trip is a 'team thing' and as such we should do everything together (it very much is not) and suggesting ridiculous activities that nobody wants to do, eg, a 5k run!

This will be an expensive trip (we think about £1000 for food, drinks & entertainment PP for the additional 3 nights), but we all knew that beforehand and have had six months to save. She has no children and still lives at home. We are all well paid.

Today, she has dropped the bombshell that she has booked herself a flight home 24 hours early, at a cost of more than £500 (plus transfers). As she's not a big drinker/eater, this will likely end up being the more expensive option than staying the last night!

Some of the younger team members (who she has been leaning on quite heavily with the guilt) are now a bit annoyed/upset. They feel that she lied about not being able to afford taxis in order to get her own way. They are also worried that the trip will end up being ruined by her complaining, and the awkwardness of her refusing to split cabs, bills etc, which has occurred on previous work trips.

Despite the trip being gifted, everyone is spending a lot of their own money to be there and a couple of people have mentioned privately that they will outright refuse to share a cab/table with her.

We don't have much of an organisational hierarchy (small core team), but as a senior member of staff I have been asked by others to speak to her.

Surely she is being very unreasonable here, but how do I navigate this?

AIBU to ask her to give it a rest with the complaining/money talk? Or am I going to risk making it worse if she knows people have complained?

The trip was in place of a work Christmas party so presumably anyone choosing not to join misses out.
so the choice was you sign up at an expense of £1,000 or you miss out.
Given it was a choice did it mean everyone had to effectively choose the same thing?

Indeed it's quite literally stated very clearly that they have said they will outright refuse to share taxis and tables for meals with her. How is that not isolating the colleague?

@TwinklyAmberOrca have you actually read the OP properly?

no one has refused to share a taxi with her (where on earth did you get that from?!?)

It's right there in the OP, if you read it properly

Yes I wonder if she’s anxious about feeling left out so panic booked an early flight home?

Tell your younger colleagues to be more professional and not bully a colleague like that. She's allowed to book a flight to go home early if she is feeling uncomfortable with how the trip is turning out.

And also tell them that refusing to share tables with a colleague at a work event is bullying and not acceptable

They just want to have a good time while we're out there and get and potential awkwardness sorted beforehand.

I guess I've been nominated peacemaker, for my sins!

Some sort of rota for shared taxis should be suggested?

So a taxi will go from hotel to city at 9 or 12 and back 6 or late?

Else everyone is stuck with £80 per way journeys if they miss the taxi for 4 going. (Assuming no public transport at all?)

Are you the person OP is talking about?!

OP stated it was £20 between four...

Their point is that it's not a work event as such. Everyone is there of their own accord, eating/drinking where they choose and spending their own money.

The "not wanting to get stuck in the same taxi/table" thing came up as this person apparently has previous for joining in rounds with them and not getting one in themselves, or going for a meal and not having enough money to pay their share.

No the end of the world in a Wetherspoons but not ideal when things are going to be so expensive.

AConcernedCitizen
A number of people (older team members, myself included) were originally not going to go for various reasons (money, childcare etc) but changed our minds.

Did this change the dynamic of what was going to happen?

You're conveniently leaving out that it's because this woman refuses to pay her part of shared costs.
No one is leaving her out because they're bullies. They're leaving her out because she's a cheap asshole that tries to take advantage of people.

You really don't like her do you and you're not even working with her.

We as always only have one side of the story...

But it is a work event. It has been organised by work.

But it’s an opt in / opt out thing - if she was being a grown up she could have made some plans in advance or opted out. She needs to be a grown up - it’s not everyone else’s job to parent her

Firstly this sounds like a really odd set up.

Secondly, unless you’re the CEO / company owner I don’t get why you’re getting so involved in one persons decision? It’s totally up to her if she wants to leave early (at her own expense too). It’s bizarre younger colleagues are wanting you to speak to her?? I’m just finding it really hard to picture what the scene is here…

The word "apparently" is doing a lot of heavy lifting there.
She may be one of those people that pays for what she eats as she doesn't drink as much as others which bumps the price up, and the same goes for buying rounds, should she have to drink because others want to?

sorry meant to quote this
The "not wanting to get stuck in the same taxi/table" thing came up as this person apparently has previous for joining in rounds with them and not getting one in themselves, or going for a meal and not having enough money to pay their share.

The word "apparently" is doing a lot of heavy lifting there.
She may be one of those people that pays for what she eats as she doesn't drink as much as others which bumps the price up, and the same goes for buying rounds, should she have to drink because others want to?

Well I'm not the OP, so I've never met her.

I'm just able to understand that people aren't bullies because they don't pay a cheap persons way.
It makes perfect sense that people don't want to do this with her that cost money if she's tried to take advantage of them before. It's completely her fault.

This.

When she doesn’t pay her “share”, is it that she just wants to pay for what she had?

it sounds like the company culture puts a lot of pressure on people to spend money in order to fit in

I would clear my approach with the boss then sit her down and say now that everyone is quite clear they want a relaxed trip with no plans or bookings or runs, you don’t seem happy about the trip, there is always the option to not go, and while moneys already been spent n on your bookings I think I could talk management into a £250/500 voucher for <shop x> if you’d prefer that as your work Christmas event. It certainly wasn’t the intention for people to have a miserable time.

make it clear she’s there by choice and this is what it is.

Eh? @AllosaurusMum is not the OP, she doesn’t know the woman!

*present not event!