Colleague being unreasonable over generous work gift

[AConcernedCitizen]

Will try to keep this brief!

• Team traveling abroad for work.

• Some time ago, in lieu of a Christmas party, company offered to extend the trip by an additional 3 nights, at a very popular nearby tourist destination. Flights, transfers, accom for the additional time all paid for. All other expenses our own.

• Additional nights were completely optional, option to fly straight home after the work part of the trip was also on the table. Everyone accepted the extra trip.

• The place we are traveling to for the 'fun' part of the trip is very expensive in terms of food/drink/entertainment.

• We travel tomorrow.

Last week one team member started dropping hints about booking 'group activities' to fill our time, but it was quickly made clear that everybody else wants to spend it casually going to shops, bars, restaurants, exploring and enjoying the kind of entertainment this city is known for. Most of us (not her) have been before and have places we want to go already pencilled in.

They had previously kicked off over the hotel situation. For budget reason we had the option of sharing rooms in the city centre or individual rooms a short (£20) cab ride away. Everyone but her wanted individual rooms, at which point she stated point blank she could not afford the cost of taxis this close to Christmas, and if she didn't want to go to shops/bars/food with the rest of us this would be completely unfair on her.

For the last few days they have done nothing but complain about the cost of the trip, being left out, suggesting to younger colleagues that the extended trip is a 'team thing' and as such we should do everything together (it very much is not) and suggesting ridiculous activities that nobody wants to do, eg, a 5k run!

This will be an expensive trip (we think about £1000 for food, drinks & entertainment PP for the additional 3 nights), but we all knew that beforehand and have had six months to save. She has no children and still lives at home. We are all well paid.

Today, she has dropped the bombshell that she has booked herself a flight home 24 hours early, at a cost of more than £500 (plus transfers). As she's not a big drinker/eater, this will likely end up being the more expensive option than staying the last night!

Some of the younger team members (who she has been leaning on quite heavily with the guilt) are now a bit annoyed/upset. They feel that she lied about not being able to afford taxis in order to get her own way. They are also worried that the trip will end up being ruined by her complaining, and the awkwardness of her refusing to split cabs, bills etc, which has occurred on previous work trips.

Despite the trip being gifted, everyone is spending a lot of their own money to be there and a couple of people have mentioned privately that they will outright refuse to share a cab/table with her.

We don't have much of an organisational hierarchy (small core team), but as a senior member of staff I have been asked by others to speak to her.

Surely she is being very unreasonable here, but how do I navigate this?

AIBU to ask her to give it a rest with the complaining/money talk? Or am I going to risk making it worse if she knows people have complained?

If the colleague voiced from the start it's a problem, reported anxiety and not accepted the trip then fair enough. In this instance when she also travels for work regularly with the team? I don't think so. It's more the case of her stomping her foot and wanting colleague to fit around her which is insane! The fact she gets in on the rounds and doesn't return renders her a CF! If OP made a post about just that one thing majority of mumsnet would have voted colleague a CF!

OP also updated that colleague yet again said she is happy with the trip. She would have a hard time proving discrimination.

She would have a hard time proving discrimination.

There's not enough facts. She may have accepted the trip because nothing else was offered. If no alternative was offered, this "gift" may well be discriminatory.

Try & have a quiet, friendly word with her saying you've noticed she seems worried about the trip, off being left out or not being able to afford to do much. Ask if she's ok & how things are at home/her personal life.

Give her prior warning that the hotel is about a £20 taxi ride away from where you'll be staying, but say that with 4 sharing it's be split between those sharing a ride so not too expensive. Give suggestions of what others have mentioned they fancy doing asking her if these are the kind of things she'd like to join in with. If not then it's her choice & she can't accuse anyone of leaving her out. Mention at the start of drinks nights or a meal out that you'll all be chipping in to wards the bill however. if she's worried about finances she can just pay for what she has, it won't be an issue. As long as she's pre warned/prepared & knows what to expect then she can't say she's been singled out or ignored.