Colleague being unreasonable over generous work gift

[AConcernedCitizen]

Will try to keep this brief!

• Team traveling abroad for work.

• Some time ago, in lieu of a Christmas party, company offered to extend the trip by an additional 3 nights, at a very popular nearby tourist destination. Flights, transfers, accom for the additional time all paid for. All other expenses our own.

• Additional nights were completely optional, option to fly straight home after the work part of the trip was also on the table. Everyone accepted the extra trip.

• The place we are traveling to for the 'fun' part of the trip is very expensive in terms of food/drink/entertainment.

• We travel tomorrow.

Last week one team member started dropping hints about booking 'group activities' to fill our time, but it was quickly made clear that everybody else wants to spend it casually going to shops, bars, restaurants, exploring and enjoying the kind of entertainment this city is known for. Most of us (not her) have been before and have places we want to go already pencilled in.

They had previously kicked off over the hotel situation. For budget reason we had the option of sharing rooms in the city centre or individual rooms a short (£20) cab ride away. Everyone but her wanted individual rooms, at which point she stated point blank she could not afford the cost of taxis this close to Christmas, and if she didn't want to go to shops/bars/food with the rest of us this would be completely unfair on her.

For the last few days they have done nothing but complain about the cost of the trip, being left out, suggesting to younger colleagues that the extended trip is a 'team thing' and as such we should do everything together (it very much is not) and suggesting ridiculous activities that nobody wants to do, eg, a 5k run!

This will be an expensive trip (we think about £1000 for food, drinks & entertainment PP for the additional 3 nights), but we all knew that beforehand and have had six months to save. She has no children and still lives at home. We are all well paid.

Today, she has dropped the bombshell that she has booked herself a flight home 24 hours early, at a cost of more than £500 (plus transfers). As she's not a big drinker/eater, this will likely end up being the more expensive option than staying the last night!

Some of the younger team members (who she has been leaning on quite heavily with the guilt) are now a bit annoyed/upset. They feel that she lied about not being able to afford taxis in order to get her own way. They are also worried that the trip will end up being ruined by her complaining, and the awkwardness of her refusing to split cabs, bills etc, which has occurred on previous work trips.

Despite the trip being gifted, everyone is spending a lot of their own money to be there and a couple of people have mentioned privately that they will outright refuse to share a cab/table with her.

We don't have much of an organisational hierarchy (small core team), but as a senior member of staff I have been asked by others to speak to her.

Surely she is being very unreasonable here, but how do I navigate this?

AIBU to ask her to give it a rest with the complaining/money talk? Or am I going to risk making it worse if she knows people have complained?

A minimum of £333.33 to survive a day expensive?
Both have a cheap burger joint for every fancy restaurant and plenty of free/budget activities available.

Its not where 'could' you spend that much (pretty much anywhere), but there are precious few (pretty much none) places where thats the minimum spend.

@AConcernedCitizen

I had a chat with the colleague in question this morning and to be honest it's left me with more questions than answers! She seems very happy and looking forward to it now though, so fingers crossed!

I'd forget any questions I may have and stay out of the whole situation.

If the 'younger members' in this scenario have issues with their colleague's behaviour they need to be reminded that there is no 'age' per se in the workplace. You are not their mummy to solve their problems and if they have an issue with a work colleague of any age they need to put on their 'big person pants' and address it themselves.

Takes me back to teaching years at secondary schools taking classes of 13 & 14 year old girls all bitching and bullying another girl because she is ‘different’.
All power to her I say for standing up for what she wants against that bunch of snowflakes.
This ‘trip’ is poorly thought through by senior management who failed to consider the impact it will have on future staff relations and productivity.
Management training, particularly in people management, sorely needed.

This! You are not their mother. This is a trip outside of work time. If anyone feels guilt-tripped they should say something at the time directly or just ignore it and decide not to be guilt-tripped.
I’d completely ignore the drama and I’d certainly not be setting myself up as peacekeeper. The younger colleagues have to learn to manage their own work relationships and understand boundaries.

Isn’t this all just so crap?
your organisation decides to treat you all and it turns out all of this anguish.
what a shame you can’t all just enjoy the gift.

She doesn't sound an easy person to like!

In tens of tax being due I don't think owner paying versus company paying technically makes much difference if it was something like a bonus in cash. It's a reward for your employment so taxable. A present for say a wedding isn't.

However i don't think this would be anyway as it's very common to extend business trips by a few days for staff and pay for their hotels. That never been taxable unless clearly taking the mick -ie organising or sending staff to a 1 day conference in haiwaii and then giving staff a week holiday there.

The focus on the tax treatment of this is a bit strange as it isn’t what the OP asked about. They sound like an established company and their finance director would advise them on that.

Yes what utter useless bastards "management " is for paying for their staff to have an optional additional 3 night stay in a desirable location and assuming everyone would act like an adult.

Much better for team building to have a Christmas party night at the local 3 star hotel with flabby cold pigs in blankets and unable to hear each other over the cacophony of Slade through the loud speakers.

I’ve read the OP a couple of times and it doesn’t come across at all like that to me. She’s simply given factual and relevant background information and asked for advice as to how to manage the employee. I think it’s a matter of managing her expectations of the trip. Presumably she knew that the extra three days was offered as a personal choice but she still seems to have built it up into a jolly team building stay, and it’s clearly not what others want. Now it’s not working out as she wanted, so in a strop she’s booked an early flight. If she was complaining about £20 for taxis it doesn’t make much sense to pay £500 for a flight home just 24 hours early.

Very odd perspective. “All power” to her standing up for what exactly ? She’s the one doing the bullying - including the harassment of younger members of staff - by trying to force everyone else into an unwanted team building exercise after the official business trip has ended. The rest of the staff refusing to comply because they want to enjoy the extra three days in their own way doesn’t make them snowflakes.

This wasn’t a management failure by any stretch of the imagination. They offered an extra three days paid accommodation at the end of the business trip for anyone who wanted it. They’re not unreasonable to expect them to act like adults in response.

My guess is that it’s somewhere in Iceland. Horrendously expensive because everything is imported. We were looking at a long weekend trip (fri-mon) with basic accommodation only package and were advised that we would need around £1000 spending money as eating out, even casually is very expensive.

What would you be complaining about?
A gift from a company that is not obliged to gift anything to the employees? Even if you need to spend your own money, the company is paying part of it making it a gift. You don't have to go. Just like a Christmas do, if company organised that and you didn't celebrate Christmas or didn't want to go, would you complain as well?

The OP clearly says they didn't have to stay if they didn't want to

This sounds like a terrible idea. It's not really kind and generous at this time of year. It sounds like it was always an accident waiting to happen.

Switzerland is also very expensive. Hope you have a nice trip op wherever it is.

You don't have to go. Just like a Christmas do, if company organised that and you didn't celebrate Christmas or didn't want to go, would you complain as well?

Yes, it's intended to be a treat, or a reward. Most one-off Christmas parties aren't necessarily.

Is it a fair reward if, when offering with one hand, the other hand squeezes a hefty onus on enough co-employees to self-exclude - and to boot, be expected to feel 'better' about that so that those free to take the reward can do so to their heart's content?

When you look at it that way, it's a very unfair offer. It's nothing like an office Christmas party. The company is offering a substantial bonus which not all employees can benefit from.

I'm pretty sure that she absolutely can afford these things, but is simply tight as a duck's arsehole.

If she doesn't want to spend money on things, of course she doesn't have to, but if that's the case she shouldn't expect to be able to come along to social events that entail spending money. She wasn't obliged to come on the trip at all, and if she doesn't like spending money or being independent in a city she doesn't know, that's fine - she should have just declined to come rather than going along and then being a twat to everyone else.

I think that essentially somebody needs to have a word with her and explain in the nicest possible way that unfortunately, things can't always be engineered to suit her and that she can't expect a) every social event to be tailored to her personal budget or b) other people to pay for her drinks and meals if she won't reciprocate.

To be honest, part of the problem is that nobody nipped things in the bud at the start when she first started complaining. Pretty sure that if someone carried on like her where I work, someone would have had a word with them much earlier on to make it clear that the trip was what it was and that she didn't have the option to change things to suit her, and that if she didn't want to come of course she didn't have to, rather than listening to her bullshit all this time.

I think that essentially somebody needs to have a word with the head of HR of this company and explain in the nicest possible way that unfortunately offering a substantial end of project bonus of this type which is not suitable for all team members is unfair and potentially discriminatory unless an alternative option is available.

OP - If anyone didn't take this "gift" was anything else offered?

Can you please explain how it’s unfair or discriminatory ? The employees were simply given an option to take up free accommodation for three nights at the end of the work trip on the understanding that they paid their own expenses. Why should they offer an alternative if some people don’t want to take it ?

It is unfair and discriminatory to offer a bonus which not all employees can take up. It fails to take account of personal circumstances which might mean that not all employees are in a position to stay on for another 3 nights. Women with carer responsibilities for example.

I would agree if it wasn't for few things that OP has said.

Firstly everyone agreed therefore company is not excluding. It seems that the coworker has got their nickers in a twist as she didn't get her own way regarding room sharing and team building activities that are based around her interests.

This is a work trip extended. This is neither friendship group nor kindergarten. I don't see how coworkers should concern themselves about one weird one wanting to do park runs abroad or feeling excluded because everyone voted against room sharing. She sounds batshit and child like expecting other to facilitate her anxiety rather than being an adult but I can only assume that's what living with your parents in adulthood does to you.

She sounds batshit and child like expecting other to facilitate her anxiety rather than being an adult but I can only assume that's what living with your parents in adulthood does to you.

If she suffers from anxiety that's another reason why the company should be thinking twice about paying a bonus in a form which makes it inaccesible for one employee.

In employment law terms what the company has done is to award a discretionary bonus