Colleague being unreasonable over generous work gift

[AConcernedCitizen]

Will try to keep this brief!

• Team traveling abroad for work.

• Some time ago, in lieu of a Christmas party, company offered to extend the trip by an additional 3 nights, at a very popular nearby tourist destination. Flights, transfers, accom for the additional time all paid for. All other expenses our own.

• Additional nights were completely optional, option to fly straight home after the work part of the trip was also on the table. Everyone accepted the extra trip.

• The place we are traveling to for the 'fun' part of the trip is very expensive in terms of food/drink/entertainment.

• We travel tomorrow.

Last week one team member started dropping hints about booking 'group activities' to fill our time, but it was quickly made clear that everybody else wants to spend it casually going to shops, bars, restaurants, exploring and enjoying the kind of entertainment this city is known for. Most of us (not her) have been before and have places we want to go already pencilled in.

They had previously kicked off over the hotel situation. For budget reason we had the option of sharing rooms in the city centre or individual rooms a short (£20) cab ride away. Everyone but her wanted individual rooms, at which point she stated point blank she could not afford the cost of taxis this close to Christmas, and if she didn't want to go to shops/bars/food with the rest of us this would be completely unfair on her.

For the last few days they have done nothing but complain about the cost of the trip, being left out, suggesting to younger colleagues that the extended trip is a 'team thing' and as such we should do everything together (it very much is not) and suggesting ridiculous activities that nobody wants to do, eg, a 5k run!

This will be an expensive trip (we think about £1000 for food, drinks & entertainment PP for the additional 3 nights), but we all knew that beforehand and have had six months to save. She has no children and still lives at home. We are all well paid.

Today, she has dropped the bombshell that she has booked herself a flight home 24 hours early, at a cost of more than £500 (plus transfers). As she's not a big drinker/eater, this will likely end up being the more expensive option than staying the last night!

Some of the younger team members (who she has been leaning on quite heavily with the guilt) are now a bit annoyed/upset. They feel that she lied about not being able to afford taxis in order to get her own way. They are also worried that the trip will end up being ruined by her complaining, and the awkwardness of her refusing to split cabs, bills etc, which has occurred on previous work trips.

Despite the trip being gifted, everyone is spending a lot of their own money to be there and a couple of people have mentioned privately that they will outright refuse to share a cab/table with her.

We don't have much of an organisational hierarchy (small core team), but as a senior member of staff I have been asked by others to speak to her.

Surely she is being very unreasonable here, but how do I navigate this?

AIBU to ask her to give it a rest with the complaining/money talk? Or am I going to risk making it worse if she knows people have complained?

But your response makes no sense. OP has not said that the colleagues are expecting this woman to pay for them in any way.

This.
Tbh the whole set up doesn't sound like a perk at all it sounds like a really bad idea. Far too much potential for people to feel pressured to spend money they might not wish to spend - OP claims people could opt out if they wanted but i bet they worried that not joining the extra bit of trip would see them branded as antisocial and no fun, and they might miss opportunities to forge stronger relationships with decision makers/higher ups. Bet several felt they couldnt say no.
The whole idea is terrible - a recipe for colleagues falling out exactly like this!

Ok so you've witnessed this behaviour personally?

In which case what you say about the staff team only working if you all get on isn't true as the team including yourself obviously don't like her.

I think from what you've said the team don't get on as well as you say and therefore the trip was never going to work.

It all sounds a bit of a muddle really, which is a shame because it will have started out with the intention to give employees an extra treat.

It sounds like a shit work gift tbh. Where people want to hang out in their work cliques which is lovely for them but lonely for others. And spending a tonne on taxis to get anywhere is a rotten outcome

Equally it's not much of a "treat" if you have to share a bedroom with a colleague

They are worried that there will be issues during the trip with her making a big deal about having to do things/travel with other people, or be left alone. They're also a bit miffed at having been guilt tripped for some time over her apparent lack of funds, only for her to drop a lot of money on an early flight home.

None of them are soft or drama-lamas, for them to ask someone to 'have a word' is quite unusual.

Its makes sense in response to that person as the OP hadn't drip feed more information by then.

But this doesn't sound at all like a close knit team who ALL get on well enough for something like this to have been suggested?!
Otherwise these disagreements wouldn't already be rearing their heads before people have even stepped on a plane.
I really don't understand who thought this was a good 'perk' to offer.
It sounds like some of the team get on really well, but not all!!

Maybe family have stumped up the cash after realising how unhappy the trip was making her.

Maybe she has very reluctantly dipped into savings after realising she won't enjoy the trip if she stays for all of it (it's a shame work couldn't just change her flight )

Maybe she's got stuff going on noone knows about.

There's a difference between not wanting to spend lots of money on (and time in) taxis and finding funds to get away from a trip of cliquey/bitchy colleagues.

Also - I am lucky to be a homeowner from before houses went bonkers but I imagine if she is living at home that doesn't mean she has oodles of disposable income it just means she is saving furiously to get on the first rung of an increasingly out of reach ladder

I think that there is a possibility that it has changed from a younger group saying that they will do things together.

To them deciding not to do this when the older members of staff decided to go and said we are not doing that.

No you made an assumption that this woman was subsidising everyone. When actually Op had said this woman won’t pay her share.

It’s nothing to do with drip feeds, you just made it up for some reason.

But this has no basis in reality. Nothing OP
has posted indicates this.

You seem to randomly pluck scenarios from the air.

Is she refusing to pay for what she ordered though or an equal share of what people who ordered a lot more chose

I have never said that she was subsidising anyone.
I said that she may be only paying her own way and refusing to subsidise others.

But you do you.

On one occasion yes now that I think about it.

If we 'obviously didn't like her', she wouldn't be here. There's a lot of (I hate this word) banter in our group and her 'thing' is not buying drinks.

As I say, not an issue usually but it's obviously irked some people on this occasion given the fuss she's made about money all of a sudden.

It's all quite peculiar, hence my post!

As I said

You do You

You can also quite easily spend considerably less. I'm struggling to think of where this is- and that includes recent trips to Switzerland, Venice, Vienna, London and Amsterdam. And I don't stint on holiday spending

This simply isn't the case.

But some of the staff obviously don't like her and that's pretty clear from your posts if you read them back.

The juniors don't like her, you speak poorly of her and the team is fine with openly discussing not sharing taxis and meals with her on the 3 day trip.

I suspect the team is split into 'sides' and this team trip is going to have a serious impact on the team going forward.

and thats fair enough.

Agreed. I've been to lots of expensive places and it's always been possible to have a very good time, and eat really well etc , without spending over top amounts

You do you then, which seems to be thinking you’re in a creative writing class using OP’s post as a draft for your own story.

Your work sounds like it could be quite toxic with all its banter/ people not being there if you obviously don’t like them etc.

I think you need to look a bit deeper at what’s going on and make sure that there isn’t bullying

Thanks for that, it really adds to the thread.

I think it sounds a lovely extra freebie.

If it's somewhere like say China and you get 3 extra days to enjoy the place then you weigh up if you want to spend money staying f longer for having to get back anyway for home commitments)

Having committed and hotels and flights now paid, no way should the company offer more. She is getting 2 extra days anyway.

Having more senior people attending changes it a bit as they are maybe less likely to want to eat and drink all night? Or happier to do own thing. Surely though you'd mention "we're eating here tonight, who is in?"

It sounds like just the young group who she doesn't get in with who are doing "we're going to be together for 3 days" -and no one can insist they must include another?

Maybe organise one group meal end day 2?

If she carries on being mardy then i can't see much of a future in this company or role?