Colleague being unreasonable over generous work gift

[AConcernedCitizen]

Will try to keep this brief!

• Team traveling abroad for work.

• Some time ago, in lieu of a Christmas party, company offered to extend the trip by an additional 3 nights, at a very popular nearby tourist destination. Flights, transfers, accom for the additional time all paid for. All other expenses our own.

• Additional nights were completely optional, option to fly straight home after the work part of the trip was also on the table. Everyone accepted the extra trip.

• The place we are traveling to for the 'fun' part of the trip is very expensive in terms of food/drink/entertainment.

• We travel tomorrow.

Last week one team member started dropping hints about booking 'group activities' to fill our time, but it was quickly made clear that everybody else wants to spend it casually going to shops, bars, restaurants, exploring and enjoying the kind of entertainment this city is known for. Most of us (not her) have been before and have places we want to go already pencilled in.

They had previously kicked off over the hotel situation. For budget reason we had the option of sharing rooms in the city centre or individual rooms a short (£20) cab ride away. Everyone but her wanted individual rooms, at which point she stated point blank she could not afford the cost of taxis this close to Christmas, and if she didn't want to go to shops/bars/food with the rest of us this would be completely unfair on her.

For the last few days they have done nothing but complain about the cost of the trip, being left out, suggesting to younger colleagues that the extended trip is a 'team thing' and as such we should do everything together (it very much is not) and suggesting ridiculous activities that nobody wants to do, eg, a 5k run!

This will be an expensive trip (we think about £1000 for food, drinks & entertainment PP for the additional 3 nights), but we all knew that beforehand and have had six months to save. She has no children and still lives at home. We are all well paid.

Today, she has dropped the bombshell that she has booked herself a flight home 24 hours early, at a cost of more than £500 (plus transfers). As she's not a big drinker/eater, this will likely end up being the more expensive option than staying the last night!

Some of the younger team members (who she has been leaning on quite heavily with the guilt) are now a bit annoyed/upset. They feel that she lied about not being able to afford taxis in order to get her own way. They are also worried that the trip will end up being ruined by her complaining, and the awkwardness of her refusing to split cabs, bills etc, which has occurred on previous work trips.

Despite the trip being gifted, everyone is spending a lot of their own money to be there and a couple of people have mentioned privately that they will outright refuse to share a cab/table with her.

We don't have much of an organisational hierarchy (small core team), but as a senior member of staff I have been asked by others to speak to her.

Surely she is being very unreasonable here, but how do I navigate this?

AIBU to ask her to give it a rest with the complaining/money talk? Or am I going to risk making it worse if she knows people have complained?

Extending an existing legitimate business trip for a few nights is not considered a benefit. (Obviously within limits).

They’re correct. The limit is £150 per person per year. Company should be reporting on your P11D and you should be doing a SA to pay any tax due.

www.gov.uk/expenses-benefits-social-functions-parties/whats-exempt

@LondonLawyer I did Tokyo and we had fancy central hotels but also had breakfast via bakery items or cereal in room, noodle meals for lunch plus lovely supermarket takeaway in room at diner time -the ones under department stores are totally amazing.

Maybe it's Orlando and the cost is for park visits - £200 per park for one day tickets makes more sense. As it's £1k for food and entertainment then if that includes expensive things are tickets.

The within limits is important and from what OP has said this is unlikely to be within the limit.

@AConcernedCitizen can you take her out for coffee and check in about her concerns, face to face? See if she will tell you exactly what’s wrong from her point of view. Then if there really isn’t anything you can gently point out that she’s putting pressure on people to do what she wants and it doesn’t feel nice for the rest of the team. And also bring up the getting her round in. Because that behaviour WILL eventually lead to her being ostracised/excluded from events.
and if there is an underlying reason you can offer support.

The company are only paying for extra few nights in a hotel. The flights are no extra costs.

So 1 day business trip to Paris plus 3 extra days -not reasonable

2 weeks in China then 3 extra days reasonable (lots of places you fly out a bit early for jet lag recovery, particularly if flown economy-say Friday to start working Monday)

I don't think it's Orlando. A 3 day park hopper ticket is £444, but food and drink is pretty cheap there and the OP said that those are very expensive. Its unlikely to come to £1k+

Secondly, days was talking about going to eating, to bars, sightseeing etc, as well as the entertainment, which doesn't sound like Orlando.

If you don't do parks then Orlando isn't a particularly expensive place.

Tokyo was mentioned. When I went it was as cheap or expensive as you made it. Accomodation was expensive, but not food. Also, it's so big you can't really get a taxi into the centre, it doesn't work like that.

I can’t think of anywhere that you couldn’t get cheaper options for food and spend less in 24 hours than the £500 she’s paid for that flight. She can’t be that anxious about being on her own for a day if she’s prepared to travel home on her own. It’s all very strange. I would be suspicious that she hasn’t actually booked that flight.

Colleague seems to be unwilling to accept that it’s not a “group thing”
She doesn’t want to be on her own, wants being to be with and to talk non-stop, share meals, drinks and “have friends”

Clear she thinks there’s a group excluding her - and she is not part of the group. She didn’t need to make a big fuss.

The group would be willing to include her IF she paid her way. Once you get a reputation for freeloading it’s understandable people don’t want to share taxis or tables and be lumbered with your costs.

Hey X, it seems like you're not too keen on following the group's plans for the trip. Just wanted to clarify that this is meant to be a fun way to celebrate the end of the year at work, and a pre-Christmas treat for everyone. We won't be enforcing group activities or plans, so feel free to make your own arrangements during this part of the trip. However, if we do end up doing anything as a group, we'll all be expected to contribute our fair share for things like taxis and meals.

or as a group statement to ease conflict

Hey everyone, just a quick reminder that the trip is meant to be a fun celebration to wrap up the year. If you're planning to do things as a group, please remember to pay your fair share for things like meals, taxis, or any group activities. It's best to assume we’ll all be doing our own thing so we can each enjoy the trip in our own way.

What drip feed?

She sounds like a pain but it would be weird and very unreasonable. to start grilling her on her flight home. "But you said you couldn't afford a taxi? How can you afford a flight??" Please don't do this. As others have mentioned sounds like she is having a hard time herself. She doesn't have to explain herself to anyone.

Couple of quick updates before we leave!

Turns out the trip is being paid for by the owner of the company out of his own pocket, so the tax police can rest easy 😀

I had a chat with the colleague in question this morning and to be honest it's left me with more questions than answers! She seems very happy and looking forward to it now though, so fingers crossed!

Thanks everyone for your replies and perspectives! ❤️

Op there's always one on every trip.
Go and enjoy your few days. I for one would far prefer this to a booze up !

You clearly have not been to North Korea 😄

Honestly I'm a bit surprised at so many people saying she is being excluded. To me on a trip like this is absolutely not want to commit to any activity and play it by ear. Someone trying to organise my day in advance would absolutely not be my jam but I may absolutely join in on the day itself if I felt like it.
I think lots of people felt like me and she came on a bit strong trying to pre plan activities and had a bit of a strop when people didn't go along with it.
I betcha she goes and has a great time. Maybe just needs to relax a bit.

I was going to say you’d be very foolish to accept the role of spokesperson, but you seem to have gone ahead and done it. Don’t expect them to stand behind you nodding along if it backfires- they’ll distance themselves and leave you looking like the bad guy. Never, ever put yourself in the position of delivering a shitty message on behalf of someone else unless they’re your boss and you have no choice.

I just can't see how any work person justifies refusing to pay a clear 1/4 etc if a taxi. I mean how can it be justified?

(I can see asking to pay for what one are rather than equal split of course)

If anyone did that on a work related trip, surely you'd report to their manager as it's effectively steeling from your colleagues?

Or, you know, have a conversation with the colleague and act in accordance with their response because you’re both adults? Do you expect your manager to intervene in every situation?

I'd speak to colleague first but if they outright refused then I'd mention to their manager or hr when back. It's not a nice quality to have in a colleague and affects overall team dynamics.

She sounds like a toothache in the arse — and she’s not your problem in the context of the extended trip, so just watch her facing the consequences of her own moaning and enjoy your own holiday.

If that were true, why would OP be asking for advice on the best way to avoid friction?

Very la-di-da

New York and vegas are this expensive these days.