To feel a little bit sad that I won't receive Christmas presents any more?

[Wimberry]

I'm aware this is Mumsnet, so I should be happy with my massive salad and thimble of sherry at Christmas, as anything else would make me incredibly selfish and childish. But I do feel a teensy bit sad that I have ended up in a situation where I receive zero Christmas presents, not having any surprises to unwrap.

For context - no children. Mum deceased and dad is distant and buys gifts so bad they're borderline offensive, he's also pleading poverty this year (he's well off, im not a priority) so we agreed to go for a meal at some point instead. It's for the best.

Rest of the family have moved towards buying gifts for children only (and TBF there's not many, no one expects expensive gifts so I don't mind this, although obviously there's none to come to us). I have a partner who is lovely and is good in many ways but is just so, so bad at buying gifts that a few years ago we decided not to bother. It isn't weaponised incompetence, just not his thing. He doesn't expect gifts in return, he's very pragmatic - if he wants something he'd rather buy it himself and get exactly what he wants/needs so he doesn't really enjoy gifts being brought for him. Instead of a work secret santa we're donating to a food bank.

Im not (usually!) materialistic so I am surprised that this makes me feel a bit sad, any alternative ideas for making Christmas feel a bit special, as a grown up?

Similar. No partner and my children don't buy me presents because I have never had a partner to encourage them/take them out to get them.

Dp used to be good at gifts but I just send him my amazon list now. Gifts aren't about the buyer they're about the receiver.

Why not give a friend some money to buy and wrap a surprise gift for you? It's not the same but still a surprise under the tree.

Another one who buys for herself through the year! Single, no kids, estranged from parents and my siblings are "kids only" present-wise. I don't find that friends really give gifts, so if I don't buy for myself I get nothing.

It does feel a bit rubbish, so don't feel like you're being silly. I completely get it.

Buy something for yourself. Get all the nice things you like to have for Christmas including a book you really want to read or a film you want to see and a nice bottle of something (whether that's Pomerol or full fat coke) and enjoy yourself. Tell your partner it's your present to you that you're relaxing allllll day long. Maybe for a nice long walk and only let partner come if they promise to add joy to the walk.

I still think back to the Christmas I spent completely on my own thousands of miles from family (& pre web, per mobile, no pc etc) and it was a complete joy to me. As a one off maybe - wouldn't want that every year but it was really special.

Maybe part of the issue is you’ve fixed ideas in gift giving. I send my husband links to what I want, I find it fun deciding, he then buys it and wraps it, I first see it on Xmas morning. And you can buy your partner something, a book, a shower gel, a aftershave , a jumper, socks, doesn’t matter, but you can.

and you didn’t need to agree with your dad no gifts, you could have said let’s do gifts and I will make you a meal.

What a flipping brilliant idea! 😁👍

Hi OP I think you need to let your partner know how you feel. Gifts may not be his thing but a gift means something to you (as it does to most people) and in light of the loss of your mum I think it’s important he gets one for you rather than you feeling sad you haven’t got any gifts.

I usually buy myself something! I don't need anything ( that my family can afford!)
We all deserve a little something though!

I"m sure there used to be a MN Secret Santa. I would be totally up for doing it, but I'm not sure how the logistics worked in order to keep some confidentiality. It was definitely a thing though.

OP - buy a couple of things from the cat and ask your partner to get you one of the things on a list and wrap it. If he thinks it's mad just say that it makes you happy and would he humour you.

I am very low on adults in my life (only DH really) so I will get a couple of things, but I would be very sad to have nothing.

Could you treat yourself to something lovely that you wouldn't usually buy yourself? So something you want as opposed to something you need. Some shops gift wrap too.

You don't have to go away at Christmas. Book something together for later in the year. Before DH and I had children that's what we used to do for Christmas and birthdays. It gives you something to look forward to.

Yanbu to feel this way however it reads as though you have agreed to all of the not buying gifts suggestions, even though it's not what you wanted. It's not too late to share, at least with your partner, how you really feel, even if this means providing a wishlist of options. Failing that make a wishlist and treat yourself. Maybe mark the 12 days of Xmas with a small gift/treat/selfcare for yourself and get yourself a main gift for Xmas day.

DH and I are having a winter sun holiday and treating ourselves to luxury snacks and drinks instead of gifts, but we both agreed to this and are happy with it.

Thank you for sharing this idea; I will do this for myself next year.

We use giftster—like a wedding registry but for Christmas presents. Could you sort one out for yourself? It puts links in for buying so it is foolproof.

Definitely do a stocking for your husband and ask him to do one for you .provide him with a list of suggested categories if needed.

This made me 😁

Similar situation here. I have given a good friend a modest amount of cash (£100) and asked her to get me 3 or 4 things she thinks I might like … gifts to myself but still surprises! I saw her today and she’s loving it! Fun all round.

How about getting one of those snack boxes from other countries like Australia, Japan
They contain crisps, biscuits, drinks, sweets
Food that is not easily available where you live

What about a beauty advent calendar? You could open the whole thing on Christmas Day, lots of little surprises.

I totally get it, I love opening presents!

Plan for next year - send your partner a list of suggestions next November and by the time Christmas rolls around you might well have forgotten what they all were.

For the poster who suggested partner was being insensitive after I'd lost my mum, it's not how that might seem. Apologies to anyone who is struggling with the loss of a parent, but, well, mine wasn't a loss, life got a bit easier. It's more that I don't really have adults in my life who would do gifts (most have other, much closer family to buy for)

Partner has in the past really tried... It's just one of those things that's for the best! I think him taking me out for a nice meal is a good alternative, he 'gets' that and he has good taste in restaurants at least!

@Onceachunkymonkey my dad isn't a typical dad, it's hard to explain but it's really not that sort of relationship. My parents shouldn't have ever married or had children, one thing our era is much better for is encouraging people to think and make choices before having children!

One year I booked to see a live comedy night for 2
The dates were after Xmas, before New Year & it was half price !

This

You deserve a man that gives you what you want. And that is to feel valued, especially with your family situation. Sorry.