To feel a little bit sad that I won't receive Christmas presents any more?

[Wimberry]

I'm aware this is Mumsnet, so I should be happy with my massive salad and thimble of sherry at Christmas, as anything else would make me incredibly selfish and childish. But I do feel a teensy bit sad that I have ended up in a situation where I receive zero Christmas presents, not having any surprises to unwrap.

For context - no children. Mum deceased and dad is distant and buys gifts so bad they're borderline offensive, he's also pleading poverty this year (he's well off, im not a priority) so we agreed to go for a meal at some point instead. It's for the best.

Rest of the family have moved towards buying gifts for children only (and TBF there's not many, no one expects expensive gifts so I don't mind this, although obviously there's none to come to us). I have a partner who is lovely and is good in many ways but is just so, so bad at buying gifts that a few years ago we decided not to bother. It isn't weaponised incompetence, just not his thing. He doesn't expect gifts in return, he's very pragmatic - if he wants something he'd rather buy it himself and get exactly what he wants/needs so he doesn't really enjoy gifts being brought for him. Instead of a work secret santa we're donating to a food bank.

Im not (usually!) materialistic so I am surprised that this makes me feel a bit sad, any alternative ideas for making Christmas feel a bit special, as a grown up?

PJ's, fluffy socks, bath stuff, face mask etc - I always buy them for myself. I usually have a bit of a soak, new comfy bed stuff and a film after everyone's fed! Best bit of the day! Also like a new nail varnish too😁

Surely your partner could buy some sort of food or wine/toiletries/candles to unwrap? Are you difficult to please? He doesn’t need to think up fab ideas just get you a more expensive version of what you like….nicer chocolates, fancy shampoo. Whatever your thing is. Also I just tell my DH what to buy! Either exactly or “I need a nEw phone cover” let him pick.

Buy yourself a beautiful advent calendar each year, might be a bit late for this year but next year go big. Space NK etc if you like beauty, or food, or jam, whatever you enjoy X

I buy myself lovely presents for Christmas. All our money is shared. I ask DH for one or two things and then buy myself things I will love too 😂

It’s all in a drawer and I will have forgotten what I got. I buy presents for 30 other people, why not add myself 😆

Every tradition that there ever was started somewhere by someone even Xmas. My friend laugh I’d start one for the opening of an envelope.

Just think of something nice you’d look forward to and do it every year. Adults need joy too!!

re your partner set him up a mumsnet account a tell him to just post in the xmas board re ideas for you. I did it a few weeks ago and sorted about 6 people’s presents out on one post 😊

Have a lovely xmas x

My partner is actually ok at buying gifts but I generally prefer to get something I actually have had my eye on. We both have quite specific interests so we just send each other links to things and then buy and wrap them for each other.

Could you just do this? Or is it the surprise you like?

No good tor this year but next year whenever you see something you like such as a book or handcream etc. buy it and wrap it up. Open at Christmas you won't remember what you wrapped up earlier in the year until you open it

I have to write a list and it is followed to the letter. I have a couple of friends who buy me things, one isnt so good and the other usually excellent. She is not buying this year - never been a massive Christmas person and just lost her Dad very quickly after losing her Mum.

My daughter is just getting into buying me and her Dad something relatively small BUT she is good at gift buying and needs no pointers - I am thrilled to just have the one inexpensive thing

I would suggest finding a friend in a similar position set a budget and buy each other something if you are not into buying your own things

I haven't read the full thread so this may have been suggested already but have you thought about just buying yourself some bits you would like for christmas?

My DP is fairly good at getting me a main gift, however I never get anything in my stocking. I wake up every year and its empty. I stay awake till everyone else has dropped off to sleep and fill their stockings, including DPs but mine is always forgotten about and lays empty come christmas morning.
The past few years, I have filled my own and I LOVE IT!!!! I am not really one for buying myself things but I got loads of bits I needed. A new book, A new mascara. My favourite chocs. Some cheap perfume. A candle. you get the jist. I think I spent about £30 in total. I wrapped them and opened them with everyone else on Christmas day in bed like we always do. It brought me so much joy.

It might be too late for this year but you should have a look at givin.gifts!!

I understand this OP. I wonder if it is perhaps tied to a wider issue of feeling a bit lonely? I have very little family, but do have friends who I buy little gifts for and receive little gifts from. Maybe its a sign that you could do with widening your social circle a little. I apologise if I am off the mark with this though!

I have a partner who is lovely and is good in many ways but is just so, so bad at buying gifts that a few years ago we decided not to bother. It isn't weaponised incompetence, just not his thing. He doesn't expect gifts in return, he's very pragmatic - if he wants something he'd rather buy it himself and get exactly what he wants/needs so he doesn't really enjoy gifts being brought for him.

This is all about him and his views on gift giving. It sounds like he's not that bothered about what you want.

I have just gone through your posts again and can only see one instance: If I sent him an Amazon link he'd buy it for me, but that kinda takes the fun out of it!

I don't think there's a need to be bitchy on a thread like this.

I do the exact same thing.

My sister and I still exchange, and I send and receive gifts from a couple of old friends (I'm 60, these friends are from uni days) but I also make sure that I won't be bereft of disappointed on Christmas Day by ordering in advance.

Books, craft supplies, cosmetics, maybe a scarf, garden tools, incense, jewelry (again used from eBay and the like, things like a garnet ring or sapphire earrings are cheap), the list goes on. As pp said, usually be December I've totally forgotten what's in the packages.

You don't need to go without on Dec 25 if you don't want to.

@Ginghamsheep thank you, I think it is a little though not quite how you describe - I have been able to cultivate a good group of friends (or really, several separate pockets of friends) as an adult, but I suppose Christmas is very focused on family and that's the bit where my Christmas is somewhat unconventional.
I know it's all relative, there will be families out there juggling school Christmas events, work, elf on a sodding shelf and the rest who would love the idea of my stress free Christmas!

Ha I'm pretty sure my dog would buy me a big hamper of yummy food that he would then eat himself!

@MounjaroUser perhaps if you hadn't bought it into the thread by insulting the partner I'd already described as lovely and generous but not good at this particular thing, I wouldn't have had a reason to respond in that way?

Overall I have to say this thread has been lovely

After years of buying lovely gifts and wrapping them beautifully for other people, this year I have done the same for me! I’ve chosen some books, pjs, hot chocolate, lego flowers, and some other bits I’ve now forgotten and intend to open and enjoy them on a day between Christmas and New Year when everyone else is out of the house. So this year I won’t care at all if on Christmas Day I’ve got no gifts, or a selection of things I don’t really want, cos my Christmas is happening on my terms on a day of my choosing. It isn’t really about the gifts, more about feeling valued. I’m surprised by how much my self-esteem has improved because I’ve invested real thought into my own needs/wants.

I don't get any present from anyone either. So i treat myself. I've had some fabulous things this year 🤣

Could you buy yourself a couple of advent calendars. Eg chocolate ones, beauty ones and open them on Christmas Day. That way it’s a surprise. You might get a bargain now Decembers started

Reframe your thinking. You can now have three presents under the tree, one from the dog, one from the cat, and now one from the mouse.

Give your cat a treat for thinking of you 😉😂

I don’t have a DP and both my dc have disabilities and don’t really buy me gifts unless someone takes them out to buy them (rarely happens). I make my own stocking full of goodies and buy myself a couple gifts.

I do have a few friends that buy me small things which I’m really grateful for but the best gifts are those I chose myself.

I’ve started to do this too. I get myself something to wear (pjs normally), something I need, something I want and something to read.

I didn't have anything to open last year and probably won't this year either. I love the idea of buying little things through the year and wrapping them up so you forget what you have.

I'm another who buys for myself. Started many years ago when newly single and realising I didn't have to buy for my ex, and now I always do it. Sometimes it's a big indulgence like a stand mixer, other years like this year, it's a bag of things I really couldn't justify buying but really loved.

You still have plenty of time to shop for yourself OP. And it's not ridiculous at all to feel as you do. It's not just the physical gifts, it's the aura of celebration, being cared for (by people well enough or with their faculties intact enough to do anything about it and I include people who are rubbish at gifts in that, because some people just are), the exchange of love. I wish people would speak up about this stuff because friends would surely want to know and do something about it.