Londoners not giving up seats on tube for pregnant women

[ParkAndRider]

I am 32 weeks pregnant with an obvious large bump and wear a baby on board badge. I commute at rush hour and usually every time I get on board the tube there are no seats available. I see the people sitting glance at me and then look pretend and pretend they haven't noticed. I've just endured another journey standing the whole way feeling tired and dizzy because no one will offer a seat. Yes I could ask but it would feel uncomfortable why can't anyone offer? Surely all the people sitting can't be hiding various disabilities?

As above, ask politely.
i was tempted to sit on people's laps if they wouldn't budge.

I commute on the Piccadilly line. I regularly offer my seat / help to carry pushchairs but I also look out for seats which are blocked by suitcases / bags, usually belonging to people going to & from Heathrow, & loudly point them out as available.

The owners nearly always rush to move their stuff out of the way.

I still remember the school girl who offered to help me up the stairs (I was heavily pregnant). I wanted to ring her mother and congratulate her!

I got on the elizabeth line at Stratford once with a bandaged up swollen red ankle (with my shoe in my hand) and no one offered me a seat either!

That being said for pregnancies I only offer if

1. very clearly definitely pregnant - I.e last few weeks belly button popped, holding their belly etc
2. they're wearing a badge
3. they ask

I once deduced someone was pregnant and offered them a seat on the bus.

They weren't pregnant.

Mortified isn't even the word.

It is a very well-known scheme run by Transport for London to make it easier to identify pregnant woman in need of a seat, and avoid the awkwardness of other passengers having to play an internal game of “pregnant or fat.”

You are encouraged to order one as soon as you need it. TfL will send it for free.

Definitely ask OP.

When pregnant with DD1, most people would offer, this was 10 years ago now. But, I preferred standing in the last trimester as I got fed up of sitting so much.

I found commuting on London tubes far easier than elsewhere. Was on a train in Birmingham a few weeks ago (obviously pregnant, plus had my TFL BoB badge on) and was physically barged out of the way when a seat became available at a stop, completely ignored previously when I had asked for a seat as I was feeling unwell.

I often don't always accept an offer of a seat on the Tube but I am far more comfortable travelling in London than elsewhere.

I'm sorry OP. It's shit isn't it.

I think there's something about the punishing early morning crammed tube commute that makes people shut out their immediate environment, in order to cope.

With this, and later with offers to help with the buggy on the stairs, in general I found super important business types were too busy or stressed to notice / offer.

Edit to add: my elderly parent travels around London a lot and receives a lot of help and support. But this is outside of rush hour. I honestly think people can be dehumanised by work culture!

You need to ask. Don't need to ask a particular person, I just say loudly can I get a seat please and make eye contact with the person in the designated seat and also the people in the one next to it in case that person is validly in the seat. Also get on at the end of the carriage as less distance to battle through crowds to the seat.

I agree it would be nice if people sat in those seats took more responsibility to look around, but people are tired/distracted

I usually wait out on the tube for the one I can sit on, so I'm not going to jump up unless you ask for it. If you do, fine of course I'll stand up, but I've probably waited 3 trains to get my seat so it is highly prized!

There was a thread on this subject a few years ago, and the consensus seems to be that if you're not able to stand for the duration of your journey then you shouldn't be travelling by tube as pregnant women aren't will or weak and don't need to be patronised by being offered the chance to sit down.

I think that some people make the assumption that the above is the case and most women would be insulted to be offered a seat. Others won't bother to offer seats because they don't 'see' other commuters, or just don't care.

However, not offering seats in London isn't a new thing.

Fifty years ago I lived in London and travelled to work by bus everyday, generally with the same people, and, because of where I got on, I usually got a seat.

For a few months, every morning, the same pregnant woman would get on the bus a couple of stops on from me, by which time it was standing room only.

I was always the only person who offered her a seat. If I didn't have a seat to offer her she would have to stand.

Im a Londoner with two children and now that I'm a middle class woman of a certain age, I take no crap. If I see a visibly pregnant woman and don't have a seat to offer myself I will ask loudly "do you need a seat? Will someone offer this lady a seat?" Never fails.

To be fair to my fellow commuters, between the crush, the multiple loud yet incomprehensible announcements, the beggars, the obnoxious people and the man spreaders, it is often the best coping strategy to keep your headphones in and your eyes down. So sometimes you really haven't noticed the bump until a busybody like me wakes you up.

It's London, you're going to have to ask! It's that kind of town! You need to be a little 'aggressive'.

I remember being 17 (so 32 years ago) and standing on a London tube station with a load of gentlemen with briefcases (some still in hats!) and expecting them to let me on the tube. Nope, nope, no. Those fuckers pushed me right out of the way.

If they do have a disability, they will just tell you, and in the meantime someone else will have offered you a seat. It’s really not that awkward or uncomfortable. If you’ve got a problem speaking to other people that is really an issue for you to work on.

Just ask especially if they're sitting in the seat reserved for disabled/elderly etc. Most of the time they're absorbed in their phones and don't look up.

I think you're unreasonable not to speak up.

Regrettably, you cannot rely on other people doing the right thing. You need to speak up and ask, LOUDLY. I had to do this during chemotherapy as I was too exhausted to stand, and unlike you, didn't have a badge, just a very bald head. My starting point was always at the priority seats, and if they were occupied by someone I felt needed it more than me, i.e. someone pregnant, old, disabled etc. etc, I asked someone else. People will give you a seat, you just need to ask.

I used to have to ask when I lived there 12 years ago. Even a woman with her leg in plaster offered me a seat over everyone else once! I declined as I felt she needed it more than me. The worst was before I was showing but I felt so tired and constantly sick. One man drinking cans of beer gave me a lot of abuse for asking.

Also I'm not "about to be a mother" I have a child already so that's not a new experience to me. I don't remember the rudeness on the tube last time around in fact I think I was always offered a seat.

Asking for a seat should not be the norm as you don't always know why some people are sitting. People should be observant and polite enough to offer to those more in need.

Well, I was recently on a very overcrowded train when many services were cancelled because of the storm. I was travelling with a young child and heavy luggage on both shoulders and was nearly standing on one leg as the train was absolutely packed with lots of bags on the floor etc. My child was standing next to a couple in their late 20s seated comfortably. The guy stood up and I thought - oh, what a nice person, he's going to offer his seat to my child. And I literally couldn't believe my ears when I heard him asking me to turn around and find his heavy bag on the luggage rack and pass it on to him! All in the midst of a very dense crowd, just to please his girlfriend.

Yes, it's absolutely unbelievable what people think and do these days. No common decency no shame whatsoever.

It’s not rudeness, it’s just tired and busy people going about their days. They won’t necessarily have clocked that the priority seat is already taken by someone who needs it (if that is the case) and therefore that they could and should offer you a seat. It can be hard to see the baby on board badges/a bump depending on clothes and angles. You expect strangers to go out of their way for you but you’re not willing to ask a simple question. YABU.

I found it depended on which tube line I was on. None were great, but some were worse. Same since I had to start using a walking stick. Low point was having a young man who clearly resented a woman taking up space in the world, who kicked my stick out from under me then swore at me when I fell over and was in his way as a result. Some people are just feral.

This. I commute 15 hours a week and headphones in, head down is the only way to make it bearable.

Of course you should ask if you need a seat. You don't need to ask anyone in particular - just address the people sitting immediately by you and people will spring up.

Commuting on the tube is horrid. People zone out to get that time of day a bit more to themselves rather that face the reality of the crush. I agree that if someone is sitting in the priority seats they are meant to be alert to their fellow passengers, but it's sometimes hard to tell or people switch off. That doesn't mean they're generally thoughtless or rude.

I personally deliberately don't take the priority seats because there is an obligation when taking those seats to be aware of your surroundings and prepared to give them up. Of course I would give my seat to anyone who needs it, whether I'm sitting in a priority seat or not. And if I notice someone obviously in need I'll offer, but I don't want to be scanning the crowd, assessing if someone is old enough, is that a badge on the coat folded over their arm, are they 100% definitely pregnant. I want my 2 hours of the day to myself, reading my book rather than to be on high alert all the time so I can be ready to be polite in a circumstance that really doesn't that really doesn't arise that often.

Be a grown up and ask for what you need. I think you'll find that more satisfying than deciding an entire city of people are rude and ranting about it on Mumsnet.

OP it has been made clear by several PP that people often keep their heads down on their commute to make it bearable. I know I do. Even if I looked up, I travel in rush hour so probably wouldn't be able to see a pregnant woman or their badge. Just ask.

THANK YOU for this post it's so upsetting.