Londoners not giving up seats on tube for pregnant women

[ParkAndRider]

I am 32 weeks pregnant with an obvious large bump and wear a baby on board badge. I commute at rush hour and usually every time I get on board the tube there are no seats available. I see the people sitting glance at me and then look pretend and pretend they haven't noticed. I've just endured another journey standing the whole way feeling tired and dizzy because no one will offer a seat. Yes I could ask but it would feel uncomfortable why can't anyone offer? Surely all the people sitting can't be hiding various disabilities?

Never had an issue on the tube when pregnant and never had to speak up.

Got offered a seat twice last week and I am only middle-aged but polite teenagers jumped up.

You do need to stand somewhere where you can be seen, people could easily offer to you.

Same experiences and was pregnant majority of this year, commuting in rush hour in London. People Do not GAF

I was on the tube once some years ago, all the seats were taken in the carriage but only one man was standing, some feet away from me. A heavily pregnant woman got on, carrying shopping bags, and I stood up and motioned for her to come over. As I edged away the standing man immediately shot into my seat. The other passengers were women and they all rounded on him and said the seat was for the pregnant lady. He tried to front it out but couldn't under the sustained tuts, loud comments and head shakes and he got up and stood at the door until the next stop.

I used to shout "someone needs to give me a seat"
Never had a problem getting one
fortune favours the bold

The one and only time I was offered a seat on the Tube was when I was going home on my last day before mat leave and was 35 weeks pregnant.

That said, I got the train normally and lived at a station where I usually got a seat. Plus I was ok to stand anyway- the worst time was around 8-12 weeks when I just felt sick and was not showing at all.

When I was pregnant with DD2 I stood up for a more heavily pregnant women on the train while the majority of commuters - nearly all suited males on that train - hid behind newspapers.

That said I think a lot of people are just not looking as they are reading or listening to something, and I find immense politeness and kindness in London - DM is always helped with her case on stairs and people always helped me with the buggy.

Also often on these threads you will get posters saying "It's pregnancy, not a disability". Pregnancy can be quite disabling for some women, particularly those with hyperemesis or SPD - I think it's nice to ask.

I definitely look if anyone needs the seat more than me if I've sat in the ones nearest the door.

For this exact reason I go to the priority seats and ask “are you/is anyone in a position to give up your priority seat for me please?”. A lot of the time people don’t realise they’re in one, this means you’re asking for a seat you’re entitled to, and gives people a chance to say sorry I need this seat as well. I was uncomfortable asking at first but this was soon outweighed by me knowing I needed to sit down - if you don’t ask and then feel unwell I’m afraid that is on you.

Can I suggest you wear your “please offer me a seat” badge on your abdomen not on your chest. This is then at eye level for those sitting down, people standing can’t offer a seat

Before phones there were newspapers. It's not a modern phenomenon.

You need to ask. Stand in front of the mirror and practice. Smile when you say it. Most people would be happy to help. I used the metropolitan line when I was pregnant and had to ask 50% of the time, I had one women elbow me whist I was heavily pregnant, whist trying to g to board the train and get the last seat. I gave it to her both barrels and she eventually offered up, but only after public humiliation. 99% of people are not prats.

I travel on the tube everyday (central line) and always see people give up their seats for pregnant women, elderly, people with small kids etc. I find people on London Tube far more considerate that those on national railways.

Say "I need to sit down please" firmly.

Practice saying it at home maybe so you will feel less awkward on the train.

Its a good exercise in being a bit more assertive OP, which it sounds like you need.

When I was PG I dind't always want to sit down on the tube - sometimes I preferred to stand. Clearly you are PG, and you are wearing the badge. People will give up their seats if you ask, but clearly you can't just assume they will do so if you don't ask.

I do think you need to ask. I always asked when I was pregnant and people then got up. But rarely if I didn’t ask.

It’s a bit crap that people no longer offer but likely it’s to do with mobile phones in front of our faces.

It would also help if trains, tubes etc weren’t so horribly crowded of course.

Failing that, I cleared half a tube carriage by announcing that I was going to be sick in my early twenties after a big night out.

@ParkAndRider I am 22 weeks pregnant and get the bus daily on rush hour. Middle age men are usually that stand up. I usually have to ask and even then no one gives their seat so I will go to one of the priority seats and tell them this is priority seat and if they can please stand up. I am not embarrassed just annoyed that when I say loudly , can someone give me their seat as I am pregnant the majority ignore me.

Pregnancy is not per se a disability and lots of women at 32 weeks are still going to the gym. I’ve even seen a few run 5-10k on a treadmill!

I do think it depends a bit on who the sitter is. If it is a fit young person, then they always should. But middle aged or older and maybe been on their feet all day, does pregnancy tiredness trump this?

It is nice if people are well mannered and offer, but I don’t thing pregnancy alone is a disability right up until the end of the third trimester (twins excepted). I, at nearly 60, would always give my seat up to anyone who looked like they were struggling or very heavily pregnant, but I wouldn’t necessarily to someone young who looked perfectly healthy and middling pregnant.

As for ‘baby on board’ badges, I think they are quite passive aggressive. And, as to asking, it depends how you do it. If you say ‘I’m really sorry, I need to sit, I am not feeling great’, I would always stand. But if someone just pointed to a badge, I would be tempted to say that they were pregnant, not sick.

I don't live in London but was pleasantly surprised to have been offered a seat on a crowded tube there recently. I do have white hair but don't think of myself as elderly.

You cannot control what anyone else does. You can only control what you do. Get over your discomfort and ask for a seat.

I am nearly 53 and don't have a car, so on my feet everyday. Still feel much better than when I was pregnant some 25 yrs ago.

My experience on the tube last month was the opposite I was offered a seat just because of my age (I assume, mid 50s but perfectly healthy) and the sheer number of bags full of pens I was carrying post being at a conference. Then on the platform I put the bags down briefly to put my phone away and another young man asked if I needed any help! Was a bit insulted by all this tbh!

I was the same as you when pregnant, too embarrassed to ask then a young woman took one look at me and ordered a man off his seat! Was so grateful to her.

What the bloody hell is a "baby on board" badge
When did you start to wear it?

I bet you're going to have a baby on board sticker in the back of your car as well aren't you?

@mondaytosunday Glad you taught your kids but not many parents do nowdays. In the bus I get every morning there are many school kids going to school. I have always to ask to get a seat and usually a teenager. They always stand up after I ask but they do not look happy.

For goodness sake, if you’re about me a mother you need to learn how to speak up about your wishes and advocate for yourself. No point being polite and suffering and this lesson applies in all aspects of life.

”hello, I am 32 weeks pregnant and I need the priority seat please” is all it takes.

personally I find Londoners very quick to offer me a seat now I am over 60 despite the best efforts of my hair colourist, but also if I am on a tube and see someone who needs a seat I always speak loudly and ask those sitting to give up a seat to the person who needs it and they always do.

good luck with more confidently asserting your needs and with your forthcoming baby xxx

You need to ask but invisible disabilities are common, I have a problem with my hip standing still and the jolting on a train is a real issue, i don't look disabled and wouldn't qualify for a blue badge but trust me, i could stand far better at 32 weeks pregnant than now

Welcome to what disabled people experience every day, everywhere! You have to advocate for yourself.