Page 5 | Londoners not giving up seats on tube for pregnant women

ParkAndRider · 2024-12-04T09:42:49+00:00

I am 32 weeks pregnant with an obvious large bump and wear a baby on board badge. I commute at rush hour and usually every time I get on board the tube there are no seats available. I see the people sitting glance at me and then look pretend and pretend they haven't noticed. I've just endured another journey standing the whole way feeling tired and dizzy because no one will offer a seat. Yes I could ask but it would feel uncomfortable why can't anyone offer? Surely all the people sitting can't be hiding various disabilities?

DogSmiles · 04/12/2024 11:09

Some of these stories are unbelievable. Really unbelievable.

TheTwirlyPoos · 04/12/2024 11:10

I was about 35 weeks on a sweltering day on the jubilee line. I got on to a packed train. A guy standing told a guy sitting that he should stand up for me. The response? 'no, this isn't a priority seat'. His partner girlfriend whatever sat next to him and didn't move either.

So I'm not surprised to read this

itwasonlyhalloween10minutesago · 04/12/2024 11:11

I hate to say this OP but you need to get a badge, you might think you look obviously pregnant but it's not always easy to tell. Sorry I know that sounds a bit like it's your job to take responsibility for others actions but I've offered my seat to people who I thought looked pregnant and weren't and it's just mortifying all round.

periodiclabel · 04/12/2024 11:11

You don't address an individual, you say, "I'm sorry, I'm pregnant please could somebody kindly offer me a seat."

Like others say, on the tube I'm usually deep in reading a work document on my phone and trying to shut off all the chaos around me but if I heard that of course I'd give you my seat and if I do happen to look up and see a Baby on Board badge I ALWAYS give it.

Icanttakethisanymore · 04/12/2024 11:12

aliceinawonderland · 04/12/2024 10:55

I always offer my seat to pregnant women/disabled/elderly, but I'd say 50% of the time my offer is declined.
I've also seen men offer and be rebuffed and younger men in particular look a bit embarrassed.
I think if we want this sort of courteous behaviour, there should be an unwritten rule that one accepts graciously.

I often used to decline but would do so with effusive gratitude for the offer. I often had been sitting all day, I was happy so stand but I was genuinely very grateful for anyone who did offer. I don't think anyone offering me a seat would have been embarrassed to do so, I wasn't dismissive at all.

kindlyensure · 04/12/2024 11:12

That's understandable but I do think people sitting in a priority seat (who don't need it) should look up at each stop to see who's getting on.

Yes, I agree with this. I actively don't sit here if there is another space available, but if I do end up in this seat, it is with the expectation that I might give it up at the next stop. That is basic tube etiquette.

But then, standing aside to let people off first, moving down the carriage and not jumping on the train at the last minute which causes the doors to have to reset, are all basic tube behaviours that seem to have gone by the wayside..... <tuts>

Snorlaxo · 04/12/2024 11:12

You have to ask - my experience was the same as you except I needed the seat more in the early days when I wasn’t showing.
I used to get the tube home at the same time as someone blind and I never saw him offered a seat either.

Elbbob · 04/12/2024 11:13

Ask - but don't just ask the person sitting in the seat allocated for less abled/pregnant/older people. They may have a good reason for sitting in the seat i.e. a hidden disability, and may not want to have to explain, and play top trumps with you.
Just ask the carriage in general - 'hello, sorry to ask but is anyone able to give a pregnant lady their seat?'. Followed by a big smile, look around everyone. Someone will get up.

Lentilweaver · 04/12/2024 11:13

People are always standing up for me. I am 52. I have a menopausal tummy. Its so embarassing!
But yes, they should. I always do. DS is sometimes engrossed in his phone but I make him if he doesn't notice.

Pottyhelp · 04/12/2024 11:14

itwasonlyhalloween10minutesago · 04/12/2024 11:11

I hate to say this OP but you need to get a badge, you might think you look obviously pregnant but it's not always easy to tell. Sorry I know that sounds a bit like it's your job to take responsibility for others actions but I've offered my seat to people who I thought looked pregnant and weren't and it's just mortifying all round.

Reread the first sentence of the OP.

ThomasPatrickKeatingsDegas · 04/12/2024 11:14

JazzHandsYeah · 04/12/2024 09:51

Ahhh I feel your pain. I worked until the end of both of my pregnancies, the last time I got the tube 10 days before giving birth, i was told to fuck off when I asked for a seat. Now, I’m on crutches with a permanent (and obvious) disability, and I still have to ask for a seat.
Pointing to the sign above the end seats which are specifically for people who have trouble standing usually works. Or, ‘either I sit down or vomit on you’ would also work!
YANBU, hope you don’t have too many journeys left x

This word for word is my experience too, in fact I had to check this wasn’t an old thread I’d posted on being resurrected.

I wish disabilities on every able bodied selfish wanker that doesn’t give up seats to those less abled.

Also pp who said their buried in a book, if you are in a priority seat it’s your responsibility to get up if you see someone wearing a badge. Wankers.

MikeRafone · 04/12/2024 11:17

Its safer for you to use your voice and ask rather than fall. Especially later in pregnancy balance decline - I fell from top of stairs to bottom at 32 week pregnant - please ask for a seat on the tube

Lentilweaver · 04/12/2024 11:17

Terrible that ppl are being told to fuck off. I take the Tube almost daily and definitely worse than it used to be.

Annabella92 · 04/12/2024 11:18

getahhtmapub · 04/12/2024 11:05

You've never been there have you?

Show quote history

Many many times.

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 04/12/2024 11:20

Make sure you have a badge on your back or shoulder - so like on your bag strap or rucksack - so people behind you know. This also should mean people don't push as much.
Also, just ask. Loudly. Shame people.... We need more public shaming in this country... we need to call people out for their shitty behaviour.

Lentilweaver · 04/12/2024 11:20

OP, you need to ask. A v young and healthy looking girl asked me for a seat the other day ( not a priority seat) saying she felt dizzy. I got up instantly.

skippy67 · 04/12/2024 11:20

DogSmiles · 04/12/2024 11:09

Some of these stories are unbelievable. Really unbelievable.

Yup.

LilacLilyBird · 04/12/2024 11:22

Use your words and explain you're pregnant and could you have a seat

You'll need a backbone once you have DC

People won't offer a seat to someone who might be overweight and not pregnant and get an earful

Come on surely you must understand that

Londonmummy66 · 04/12/2024 11:22

OhBling · 04/12/2024 10:24

Rush hour is the worst unfortunately. I developed a list of who was most likely ot offer me a seat from most likely to least likely (there are other groups but I didn't have enough experience to put them in my list).

1 Young Asian men. Teenagers x50 - I had male teenagers leap across busses to give me seats, on more than one occassion

2 Older Asian men

3 Women of all backgrounds but trending towards middle aged or older - but this was a bit fluid. In rushhour, less so, out of rush hour, regularly.

4 white men

Interesting as I divided my experience by line and found the District and Circle the best - older white men fighting over who would give me a seat. The Victoria Line and Bakerloo (usually younger black men) was also good and the odd occasion it wasn't there was usually a fierce older lady who gave the younger guys a fierce dressing down and they usually got up very sheepishly and gave us both a seat. The very worst was the southern end of the Northern Line so my experience is pretty well the opposite of yours. Just goes to show you can't generalise.

another1bitestheduck · 04/12/2024 11:22

itwasonlyhalloween10minutesago · 04/12/2024 11:11

I hate to say this OP but you need to get a badge, you might think you look obviously pregnant but it's not always easy to tell. Sorry I know that sounds a bit like it's your job to take responsibility for others actions but I've offered my seat to people who I thought looked pregnant and weren't and it's just mortifying all round.

literally the first sentence of the OP
" and wear a baby on board badge."

How have so many people on this thread have missed that? It's not even as though it's in a further update from the OP, or even just several paragraphs in. It's literally in the first sentence! And then OP repeated that she does again a further update.

Even if you do somehow miss it because you can't be arsed to read anything other than the headline, if you are going to offer such a extremely obvious helpful suggestion wouldn't you at least double check that a) OP wasn't already doing it b) it hadn't already been suggested several times?

LilacLilyBird · 04/12/2024 11:24

Seeline · 04/12/2024 09:46

You do need to ask! Loudly.

DD has a hidden disability. She wears a 'Please offer me a seat badge' from TfL. She also wears a sunflower lanyard.
She always has to ask. She is then usually ignored, sometimes told to fuck off. Very rarely given a seat.
I assume people don't believe a fit and healthy looking 20yo could possibly be more deserving of a seat than them.

Oh that's so lovely of TfL to give the T-shirt

Yet so shitty of people not to offer up their seats

Londoners can be such miserable bastards just for the sake of it

fitzwilliamdarcy · 04/12/2024 11:25

One man (mid 30s, no visible disability) once refused to give up his seat to a heavily pregnant woman when I asked. I was furious with him (and accidentally trod on his foot as I got off).

So what you're saying is that you stood on someone who could've had a valid need for the seat, because you couldn't see a disability? And you think that's OK?

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 04/12/2024 11:25

Just ask. Get in the carriage and just say you're pregnant and need a seat. I always did and no one was ever rude in response. Rather the opposite. Several times people apologised for not noticing.

AegonT · 04/12/2024 11:25

I think you need to ask. People honestly worry that even with the bump (they might not notice the badge) they will offend.

Ophy83 · 04/12/2024 11:27

Hateam · 04/12/2024 09:48

I did write a long and detailed response about declining standards. Then I deleted it.

I'm simply say bastards.

Edited

I'm not sure the standards are declining. 12 years ago a woman took one look at my baby on board badge then physically pushed me aside when the bus arrived so she could get on before me to grab the last seat.

Sorry OP, people are rubbish and it's so awkward having to ask people to get up. But if you're feeling dizzy unfortunately that's what you should do, as you definitely don't want to faint.