Londoners not giving up seats on tube for pregnant women

[ParkAndRider]

I am 32 weeks pregnant with an obvious large bump and wear a baby on board badge. I commute at rush hour and usually every time I get on board the tube there are no seats available. I see the people sitting glance at me and then look pretend and pretend they haven't noticed. I've just endured another journey standing the whole way feeling tired and dizzy because no one will offer a seat. Yes I could ask but it would feel uncomfortable why can't anyone offer? Surely all the people sitting can't be hiding various disabilities?

As a Londoner I think if you're in one of the seats assigned for people less able to stand, it's on you to scan the passengers at each stop to check if there's someone you need to offer your seat to.

Yeah but in that instance you want to be in the “wrong” for the right reasons.

Yes, isn't it.
"Excuse me, I'm pregnant/disabled and really need a seat. Would you mind?"
"Fuck off".
The end.
Truly unbelievable...

To look at me you would think I'm perfectly healthy but I have cancer and can't stand for long. My husband is a strapping bloke but has a brain injury and while looks normal his balance is way off so can't stand on a train or bus. Being pregnant isn't an illness but you would judge both of us I suspect

As everyone says you need to use your voice, I'll always offer my seat if I see someone who needs it but I'm often a bit of a zombie on the train - even if I look in the direction of someone it's highly likely I'm not actually 'seeing' them but completely zoned out or thinking about something else.

I'm not pregnant but am in my 60s and often travel by tube. I'm perfectly capable of standing up, but am frequently offered a seat - most often by ethnic minority men or foreign tourists. Of course, I accept gracefully, even though I am mortified to be obviously an old woman. I wonder if the problem is more acute during rush hour - nobody is in the best frame of mind during the commute. Unfortunately, the only option is to ask.

You need to ask. If I’m on the train, I wouldn’t necessarily notice you. I’ve also seen others offering a seat to a woman they thought pregnant on a couple of occasions but they weren’t pregnant, which was awkward so I would avoid. I may not notice a badge as I don’t look at people that much.

As a PP said - move to Barcelona

Or just ask? Whichever is easier...

I commuted every day on the Piccadilly line whilst pregnant and never had to ask for a seat. Sometimes had to wait a few stops but always got offered one eventually

She could well have been fat then? It's not always easy to tell.

I once asked a woman when her baby was due {I was pregnant at the time} and she replied that she wasn't pregnant.
That really was embarrassing.

Thankfully she said she'd just HAD her baby which was a great relief!

Unfortunately nothing new, I witnessed this over 20 years ago when you could see the Financial Times going up as soon as a pregnant woman, someone with a walking stick or someone with a baby/small child came on.

More than once it was another woman who stood up.

You need to say something, approach people in the "P" seats even if they have their own valid and maybe non-visible reasons for being there.

When I was pregnant I arranged with my work to work hybrid (possible even 18 years ago) and come outside commuting hours after I was late twice because I fainted when I had to travel without DH coming with me as he was on a work trip.

Absolutely this. I once gave up my seat as a healthy young person the day I was discharged from hospital and had a blood transfusion. I managed not to faint but it was close. I felt too awkward to say no and was tutted at as I stood for audacity to be in the seat in the first place.

I wouldn't feel comfortable asking someone for a seat - what if they do have a disability? Then it would be quite awkward for them and they may feel obliged to stand. My question is why can't able bodied people in seats have the decency to stand for people more in need. If someone is wearing a baby on board badge there is no ambiguity and they are wearing that because they need a seat.

The first man probably did need the seat if he told you he did, I’d rather believe people. The other man was horrible

Ask generally, don’t ask an individual and it’s fine.

When I’m on a train, I’m not constantly scanning for baby on board badges so probably just wouldn’t notice you. It’s on you to ask, pregnant women are not the centre of everyone else’s world, but if you ask, someone will likely offer you a seat. I would.

The only way for me to tolerate a long commute is to switch off - I day dream, read, listen to music. The noise, heat, smells, loud music, conversation make some journeys awful.

I would never / have never deliberately ignored a pregnant lady. Im sure that there have been occasions when I've not seen a pregnant lady enter my tube carriage - it's difficult when it's incredibly busy, you can't see a badge (because the person isn't facing you) and their clothing makes it difficult to determine if they're pregnant or carrying extra weight.

Please just ask.

Not pregnant, but old - surprised at how many times I’ve been offered a seat.
It does seem to depend on luck.
I’ve not ever asked, because I don’t need one after a long train journey into London sitting down.

Or, ‘either I sit down or vomit on you’ would also work!

Brilliant!

I’m elderly and look my age - think Keith Richard - and I’m almost always offered a seat on the tube. However, as a pp said, sometimes people get their heads bitten off when offering a seat and once bitten twice shy.

The train we take to London is often very crowded and no one offers anyone - old, pregnant or disabled - a seat. Dh once suggested to a group of young men that one of them offer a seat to an elderly lady with a stick but they just laughed at him.

I'm with the consensus here in that you should ask. People aren't sitting on the train looking around in awareness of you or other pregnant people getting on. Like pp said, my head is buried in my phone on the train but if you'd ask of course I'd give up my seat.

I worked up to 38.5 weeks and looked like a whale, I still asked.

Then they'll say no, I need it myself.
You really need to start practising speaking up and advocating for yourself. You're doing this for your unborn child as well as yourself. You may need to do it again as your child grows up.

Ask. That’s what I did

Yes, I think you need to ask, There are decent people who have just not noticed, I've seen multiple people offering as soon as they see someone else offering.
I do agree that there are also plenty people who will also ignore you whatever you say.

You need to learn to use your voice now because you’ll have to start using your voice once babies here as baby won’t be able to speak for themselves!

Always give my seat up on the tube but it does annoy me when people sit in the priority seats at the end and don’t look up from their phones or books to see if anyone actually needs it.

I had a friend who got on at the end of the line so had the pick of the seats and she’d always choose the priority seat as on that particular line there is a glass panel which she used to rest her head on and go to sleep, therefore never noticing anyone who might actually need it!

That's London for you. Did you only just notice it was like that?