Londoners not giving up seats on tube for pregnant women

[ParkAndRider]

I am 32 weeks pregnant with an obvious large bump and wear a baby on board badge. I commute at rush hour and usually every time I get on board the tube there are no seats available. I see the people sitting glance at me and then look pretend and pretend they haven't noticed. I've just endured another journey standing the whole way feeling tired and dizzy because no one will offer a seat. Yes I could ask but it would feel uncomfortable why can't anyone offer? Surely all the people sitting can't be hiding various disabilities?

I'm sorry, that sounds really uncomfortable.

Maybe it is peculiar to the Piccadilly line? I am on the Victoria line and always get offered a seat.

If it is really crowded though, people sitting can't always see who is standing in the doors - what bugs me now about the tube is that no one moves down, so the entryways are always heaving but along the aisle it is often empty.

Also, if you can position yourself to get on at either end of the tube, you are more likely to be seen/find a seat as these carriages are less crowded.

There has also been a real increase in people going from carriage to carriage asking for money (on the Vic line at least) and as a result, sitting passengers do seem to keep their heads down to avoid eye contact.

Also, now you can get wifi* on more trains, most everyone is nose down in their phone, so yeah, speak up!

(A long-winded answer to a problem you shouldn't be having though!)

*edit to add - I mean mobile service

This reminds me that people frequently offered to give up seats, switch seats etc so I could sit next to my DCs when we got on crowded tubes. This happened all the way up until they were final year of junior school, so not just when they were very little. Once they were old enough to be sensible/not scared and provided I could see them, I would decline but ensured that the person knew I was very grateful for their offer so that they were not put off doing so another time.

This is London, you have to assert yourself. Believe me I have a lot of disabled friends and they'll advocate for themselves just fine & let you know if they need the seat.

Get over the discomfort and ask! I was pregnant 9 years ago and usually had to ask in order to get a seat. Whilst there would be the minority selfishly ignoring so they can remain seated, someone else would always stand up

Ask. It may not be as obvious as you think. As an older person, I frequently get offered a seat so don't think its a matter of impolite people.

I always offer my seat to pregnant women/disabled/elderly, but I'd say 50% of the time my offer is declined.
I've also seen men offer and be rebuffed and younger men in particular look a bit embarrassed.
I think if we want this sort of courteous behaviour, there should be an unwritten rule that one accepts graciously.

Don't ask an individual, ask generally "Would anyone mind giving me a seat?".

Any time I've seen someone do that, a few people have leapt up.

I have no doubt that most people are just feeling lazy, and hope that someone else will offer so they don’t have to…

However… I have seen several times in the past (online comment sections, Tweets, and even letters in the Metro newspaper) comments from men who feel reaallly bitter about being expected to give up their seat. Their attitude is “You chose to get pregnant, so you deal with the consequences – why should I have to suffer?”

Absolutely vile, and honestly gives me incel vibes.

I was travelling with one of my sons who would have been about 16 when he hopped up to let an older-but-not-super old (maybe early 60s) woman sit.

Oh my god, the song and dance she made about it. My poor son was mortified. She was going on and ON, squealing to anyone in the vicinity 'do I look THAT old?'. Eventually I piped up and said, 'yeah, you do actually'. She shut up and sat down but never showed any grace towards my son for his kindness.

Pathetic. I am happy to say my children (now over 18 but they always did this) are always eager to offer their seat to anyone who looks like they may need it; pregnant, elderly, infirm, with baby...my son is the type to offer to carry heavy bags or stroller up the steps too. My DD less so but she has a hidden disability (MS) but she will certainly offer her seat.
I remember being very pregnant (my baby was over 10lbs at 37 weeks so I was BIG) and standing on the tube. After a while a man did offer me his seat (he wasn't sitting in a designated one), but actually it was easier for me to remain standing so I thanked him but refused. But when I had to go into central London with a pushchair nobody helped me get it up or down any stairs (no lift at the station). It might add three minutes to someone's journey but would have been so helpful to me.

Why are you targeting one person, just get on and stand in the aisle and say ‘please could I sit down’.

practise at home. You are gonna need to advocate for your child so best start practicing!

try to give up the pity party and ask for what you want

I see this all the time in London.

I am older. When I was young I was taught to offer seats to anyone older than me, disabled, or pregnant. I still do.

I can't bear seeing young people hog seats while someone who needs it is standing. And yes they all do that thing where they pretend they haven't seen them. Are the young so fucking lazy that they have to sit on their lazy arses? I am older and I don't mind standing at all. Wtf is wrong with them?

I’ll offer my seat if the pregnant woman is standing in the seat area but quite often they stay in the area near the doors which to me indicates they don’t want to sit.

When I was pregnant I was always offered one but I would stand right in front of the priority seats, making eye contact with the people sitting there.

Commuted daily on the tube for 20 years on the northern and jubilee lines and never NOT seen someone visibly pregnant offered a seat (or someone with a pram offered help on stairs). Londoners are generally kind and thoughtful.

Having said that most people aren't waiting on tenterhooks for someone to offer their seat to. Most people are engrossed in their phone, book, paper and therefore genuinely don't notice so of not forthcoming just ASK.

The worst behaviour I've seen is on trains coming into London from outside and any public transport outside of London where the simple act of maybe wanting to sit on a free seat in shouting distance of someone else gets looks of disgust and passive aggression.

Having said that most people aren't waiting on tenterhooks for someone to offer their seat to. Most people are engrossed in their phone, book, paper and therefore genuinely don't notice so of not forthcoming just ASK.

That's understandable but I do think people sitting in a priority seat (who don't need it) should look up at each stop to see who's getting on.

When my son was abt ten he offered his seat to a heavily pg lady. He got
a lecture on decades of feminism and how she didn’t want any male to give up his seat.
he was so deflated and bc he is autistic took it very personally and vowed never to offer again .

I always offer my seat and if I’m standing I ask others to give up their seats. One man (mid 30s, no visible disability) once refused to give up his seat to a heavily pregnant woman when I asked. I was furious with him (and accidentally trod on his foot as I got off). She shrugged and said it was typical of younger men not to offer. Terrible!

I have actually been offered a seat twice when I wasn’t pregnant lol. I was a bit overweight at the time. Both people who offered were young student types and were mortified when I told them I wasn’t pregnant lol. It was sweet of them though. I wasn’t offended.

Just ask and half the carriage will offer

You've never been there have you?

Just ask.

Why do pregnant women behave like this? Do you want a seat, or are you looking for validation of your newfound priority seating status? Don't be so utterly wet. Go to the priority seat and say "excuse me, do you need the priority seat?". If they do then you've got no right to eject them, so you go to another priority seat and ask. Three pregnancies and I've never been unable to find a seat this way.

I had a baby earlier this year and commuted to London whilst heavily pregnant. Not only did people refuse to give up their seats but people who barge into me, wack me with their bags, push me, squish up against my bump. I even had some bloke pointedly spot I was pregnant and barge past me and race to the only available seat on the tube and then look at me all innocently and shrug his shoulders. By the speed he moved I'm pretty sure he didn't need the seat as much as I did! Eventually I had to stop commuting and WFH full time because it just wasn't safe.

I wouldn't feel comfortable asking someone for a seat

You don't ask a person, you just say to the carriage 'Excuse me, I'm pregnant and I really need a seat please' and I guarantee some people will offer you one.

I had DD2 earlier this year and in both pregnancies, I generally was always offered a seat (i worked up to 36/37w). I use the northern line. But in general I noticed it was more likely women to offer their seat up than men. A couple of times when i was standing, other standing women would shout "can you offer a seat to this lady" further into the carriage, but if i was only going 1 or 2 stops, I really didnt mind standing.

But to be honest, OP, it will be even worse when baby is here. Noone gives a shit about mums with buggies. Lifts are never working and very rarely will people offer to help with steps / give up the folding seats to make space for a buggy. A lot of the older buses can only fit one big buggy in the space. We take a lot of convoluted routes now to ensure an easier journey where we know there are working lifts. I also always carry a sling in the basket so if needed, I can pop baby in the sling and then drag the buggy up the stairs. It's only temporary for me, but it makes me extremely cross for those who are disabled and need the infrastructure to be working at all times.

I'm genuinely shocked by this - I always had people offer me when I was pregnant. Is your bump very obvious? I think sometimes people are scared in case you aren't actually pregnant. Do you have one of those badges?