Londoners not giving up seats on tube for pregnant women

[ParkAndRider]

I am 32 weeks pregnant with an obvious large bump and wear a baby on board badge. I commute at rush hour and usually every time I get on board the tube there are no seats available. I see the people sitting glance at me and then look pretend and pretend they haven't noticed. I've just endured another journey standing the whole way feeling tired and dizzy because no one will offer a seat. Yes I could ask but it would feel uncomfortable why can't anyone offer? Surely all the people sitting can't be hiding various disabilities?

Yeah I echo again to ask. I’ll be honest I recall that when pregnant I was pretty much always offered a seat which I didn’t need to take until right near the end.

when I am on my way home and I have a seat I’ll be honest I get my book out and I don’t look up until I hear my stop being called. Not being rude but often tired and not being observant. Should some ask me for a seat I would, of course, stand up and I have on many occasions.

When I was much younger I used to practically pass out on my morning commute clinging to an underground train pole because I'd never get a seat

It never occurred to me ask for a seat to shy

I once read a thread on here where the OP said the same as you and the overwhelming majority of responses were along the lines of 'pregnancy isn't a disability, stop being so entitled and get a grip'. It infuriated me. When I was pregnant and using the tube I was offered a seat every time I got on, usually by a man or a young woman, actually. Surely it's just common decency to give up your seat (any seat) for someone who needs it more than you, though the responses to that thread made it seem like such a hardship to be a decent person.

I once read a thread on here where the OP said the same as you and the overwhelming majority of responses were along the lines of 'pregnancy isn't a disability, stop being so entitled and get a grip'. It infuriated me. When I was pregnant and using the tube I was offered a seat every time I got on, usually by a man or a young woman, actually. Surely it's just common decency to give up your seat (any seat) for someone who needs it more than you, though the responses to that thread made it seem like such a hardship to be a decent person.

I was pregnant 25 years ago. Midsummer. Daily bus and Northern line into central London. One person ONCE offered me a seat on the bus. I just got in the habit of arriving and leaving work later, so things weren’t quite so busy - I appreciate not everyone can do this. Plus ca change!

On the other hand, I once offered my seat to a woman because I thought she was pregnant. I deduced I was mistaken by the absolutely filthy look she gave me (if looks could kill!). Mind you she still took the seat …

This is awful @ParkAndRider
people seem to be caught up in thoughts/ phones/ headphones these days. Yes there will be some people who think pregnancy isn’t an illness and just get on with it (yes I’ve heard this!) but usually people will move if asked. Majority may not want to offend - there’s so much lack of social confidence around these days too.
Just ask a few people “would anyone mind giving you a seat. I always did this especially at the end - and was l never ever refused. Good luck and good luck with your new baby! Exciting! X

That's grim for you. I guess this also applies to passengers sitting in the priority seats, which is really bad.

Weirdly whenever I'm in London I get offered a seat nowadays, I think because as well as being in my sixties (not that old really) I always look exhausted. Maybe you look fit and blooming, even if you don't feel it, but that's no consolation.

Can you start earlier and therefore finish earlier like 7am to 3pm? You're more likely to get a seat then?

I once read a reader letter in the metro, it said something like, I am so annoyed at being asked to give up my seat for pregnant women. I paid and I got on first, it's not my problem they wanted to get pregnant. I am shocked women feel entitled just because they are pregnant'. After commuting while pregnant for two children. I can confirm this is the mentality of many people. It's just an awful sad shame this is how things are. Let's not expect the country to rally together if ever there is a war becuase many people just have no compassion or care for anyone except themselves

Just ask them to move. But be aware that they might have a legitimate reason to be seated. Not every disability is as obvious as pregnancy is.

You are completely unjustified in being angry at an individual for not relinquishing their seat. No visible disability does not mean they do not have a disability.

That's why you don't ask individuals but rather address people generally because you do not know who does and does not have a disability and no-one is under any obligation to divulge their needs to a stranger

I had the same when I was pregnant. Someone offered me a seat on about 1 in 4 journeys. There'd be teenage boys sitting on seats directly in front of me playing on their phones.

You can ask (I also found it helpful to push your way to at least stand next to the seats, not by the door - some people find it awkward to get up and then risk some other random person thinking the seat was now free).

But it should be a norm to offer, and if for some reason the pregnant woman doesn't want it, or isn't actually pregnant, she should just smile, say thank you and decline (and feel happy regardless to live in a society where people are thoughtful of those who need help).

In (mild) defense of Londoners. It's noticeable on the tube/bus etc that an awful lot of people desperately try not to catch the eye of anyone else. It's not ignoring others per se, it's just that sometimes that person who you lock eyes with is volatile/aggressive and you end up in an awful situation. A lot of people (including me) zone out using a book/phone/headphones. Mostly it's not rudeness although obviously there are arseholes everywhere.

So annoying as it is, I'd advise asking. You shouldn't have to but if you need a seat, you need a seat.

Some horrible people about. If I was on the tube, bus etc... I would of given my seat to you. I have done in the past and lately I would not hesitate, its just common decency.
I also give up my seat for elderly, mother & child/children, and any one who asks if they have hidden disability of course.

In all my years I have never heard anyone be told to fuck off as a response to being asked for a seat.

Also, if there are so many people who are apparently healthy but have invisible disabilities, they can "use their words" in the same way that we apparently expect pregnant women, the elderly and the visibly disabled to do when we ask them to beg for seats - when asked, they can say "sorry, I do actually need this seat due to a health condition, but is there anyone else nearby who could give this woman a seat?"

If you expect special treatment (priority seats) due to your invisible disabilities but refuse to ever even mention that you have them...

Agree.

As a pp said, IMO one of the issues is that people are so glued to their phones, they don’t notice much else.
Same on London buses, and I’m afraid to say that it’s most often young, perfectly healthy looking women, who hop on and off the bus like mountain goats, who plonk themselves in the first available (priority) seats, when there are quite obviously seats further back.
I very rarely see young men doing the same. 🙁

I found that people fell over themselves to offer me a seat

I didn't ever mind standing for a few stops but would not have wanted to stand for the entire commute

I remember someone one here saying once they sat on someone who refused to move. That would be my go to method tbh

Also here to say “don’t complain if you don’t ask”.

Another tactic that can be helpful is to ask people standing near the seats if they can help you get a seat. Often it’s hard to get the attention of those sat down if you’re not stood right there, but people nearby might well ask for you. Not everyone is terrified of asking a stranger for their seat.

"Yes I could ask but it would feel uncomfortable why can't anyone offer? Surely all the people sitting can't be hiding various disabilities?"

YABU based on this.

I think its such a shame when people don't stand for people who need the seat but I think its the kind of situation where you can't force it unless you're going to have the courage to say like 'Would anyone be able to let me have their seat'.
I do agree its uncomfortable when its put onto you rather than people just having the kindness to offer.
When I was heavily pregnant and had PGP I used a stick when I was travelling and it made a huge difference to how people treated me, I wish I'd gotten it sooner rather than struggling for so long as people were so kind and helpful.
Though to be fair, whenever I travel in London with my baby/toddler I am almost always offered a seat and often turn it down if they're happily dozing in the carrier and might be disturbed if I squeezed into a seat.

Typical "I'm alright Jack" London attitude tbh.

I'm pregnant in London and don't get a seat, but I always do when I ask.

Also I think it's worth bearing in mind that people in priority seats might look "normal" but actually be disabled or pregnant themselves. I've had a pregnant woman ask me to get up and I had to explain im pregnant, which is why I'm in the priority seat.