“im having one more kid in the hope I have a girl”

[Microvavie]

I have come across three women recently who have openly admitted they carried on having children in the hope they would have a little girl.

Im trying not to judge them but everytime they have said it, it feels off to me. I can’t explain why it make me feel funny.

First encounter was a lady who had two boys and she now has a girl. She openly says in front of the kids she tried for a third in the hope it was a girl.

Second encounter was on their 5th baby and had 4 boys, they really wanted a girl and are yet to find out the gender.

I always wonder how the boys feel, maybe they don’t care but I always feel a bit sorry for them. It makes it sound like they arent good enough.

Third encounter is my SIL who had a forth and final girl. If the second or third had been a girl they would have stopped. They treat the girl so different to the boys.

I understand gender disappointment to a degree, I never had a fictional child or idea of what my kids would be like. I think I’m projecting as child with only girls, my dad got comments about no boys for him and it use to make me feel not good enough (I even pretend to a Tom boy for a year to try and make my dad happy)

I have three children, 2 boys and then a girl. The third was very unexpected as we had finished our family at the 2 boys. Obviously it was a lovely surprise but not a decision we consciously made. The amount of people however that assume that we had a third to have a girl is unreal. ‘You finally got your girl then’ as if my precious boys aren’t good enough. It’s actually very hurtful that people think I’ve done this deliberately. I love my boys and they were more than enough for me.

I do understand having a preference/ desire for one or the other, but it's so insensitive to say it in front of your existing children.

A friend said to me the other day "Oh I so hope you have a girl!" - her 9 year old son was sitting right there with her (and I haven't expressed any preference one way or the other).

People want what they want I guess 🤷🏼‍♀️

Surely they must go into it knowing that there is a 50% chance of disappointment but that clearly isn't a deterrent such is the strong desire for a girl.

Personally, I have one boy and I'm absolutely delighted. I think I was always meant to have a boy. Never hankered for a girl.

It's a shame that from day 1, being docile is a praised trait in a girl, and being boisterous is a praised trait in a girl. This messaging is everywhere and it's exceptionally hard to combat, even in modern times. You're aware of it so I'm sure you'll absolutely do a great job.

I'm frightened for my girl to grow up in the current world and find her place in it as a woman, but if I had a son I'd be frightened of him growing up to be one of the men I hate.

No, you rarely see male friendships tbh that are as emotionally deep as the ones women form. Women are often each others village, and we look out for you each other and keep each other safe (often in solidarity from men lol), whereas you do find men aren't as reliant on this.

And I look at it as raising my sons as best I possibly can to not go along with this, to see sexism etc. Definitely something I worry about for sure. I hope their very close relationships with their feminist mum will help.

I live in a farming community. The farm still goes to the boy and the girls marry out ( sometimes to other farmers, sometimes not). It is becoming more common for girls ( if there are no boys) to take on the farm but boys are still the top choice. I have 2 sons and 2 grandsons. No one has ever said anything about my heir and the spare.

I have two boys and never hankered after a girl; now have a grandson and granddaughter.

Some 60 years ago my MIL had four boys & one girl and thought she'd like another girl - she had twin boys!

Someone said to me when ds1 was 6 weeks 'You'll have to go again for the girl!' Rage.

I know a few people who have done this. I don’t think they love their boys any less than the girl who was baby 4,5 or 6.

When I was pregnant with my second baby I thought if I had another boy I might want to try again but then when he was born I didn’t feel that way and was happy with my 2 boys.

It doesn’t really bother me what people do but I remember a case years ago where a couple had several boys and then a girl and she sadly died, they were wanting sex selection IVF to have another girl. I did wonder then how their boys would have felt

"Id have been happy with any children but I admit I was upset to hear from older mums regularly comments like “a son is a son until he gets a wife”. I think telling mums their sons would drop them like a hot potato without a seconds thought is unnecessary and cruel."

This is why I had (still to an extent have) gender disappointment with my boys. I love raising boys, I'm worried about becoming a distant hated MIL in the future. You see how MILs are treated on here - they're an underclass to some.

I've even experienced it in real life now. Someone commented on how big my bump is, and when I replied "he'd a big one but his brother was too" they replied, "oh you have 2 boys what a shame, I only have girls thankfully".

Not sure you can win - we wanted three kids - ( actually with better maternity care and more money we'd have happily had more ) - always said this.

We got girl and a boy first time the vitriol from others how dare we want another - as we'd already got one of both and apparently "won" was just odd but very there.

Same with parents with two or three of same sex - often very happy - who get upset with acquaintances or even family saying better luck next time or you'll have to try again - implying that can't be happy with their children.

So if you don't care what sex - people act like you should and if you do have a preference then you get threads like this.

I wanted a girl but I got a boy, he's absolutely wonderful so no regrets. Must admit I do get wistful looking at my nieces at Christmas though - it's hot chocolate, movie nights and Christmas crafting all the way. My son, like his father and all the men in my family, couldn't give a monkeys and leaves me on my own to indulge the excited little girl who still lives on in my spirit. Mumsnet will tell you that girls and boys are exactly the same if you raise them properly.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Unfortunately a lot of boys rebel against this unless you frame it in a way that’s positive for them personally.

I hope you told them you hoped her precious girls get pregnant at 16, before telling her to fuck off! That’s the level of rudeness she deserves.

My sister is married to a man who is one of several boys and they are all extremely close to their parents.

I concur with this!

Mumsnet will tell you that girls and boys are exactly the same if you raise them properly.

I think there are differences but they can get overplayed - or made too much off when it can be personality.

With first two everything different was because she a girl - he a boy - then DD2 came along and blew all that out the water and all that assigning stuff to their sex thankfully stopped.

I have many nieces and honestly had no idea how special being an auntie to them would feel. I rotate round and take them out, usually doing something my sons don't enjoy (musicals, ballet) - win win!

Do you think? I'm surprised if it's been something they've been raised with. I will do my best and we shall see.

With my, very different, boys love Christmas crafting, baking and movie nights with hot choc. What's not to love?! 😀

My boys loved all this when they were wee. Not at 16 and 18 admittedly but we had lovely fun Christmases. My mum never did anything like that with us girls she just wasn’t that way inclined, I have never had a spa day with her either. Just not her bag. She’s a good mum but always been a matriarch rather than a pal

I remember an older mum who 5 boys told me early on 'The only difference between boys and girls is how people talk about boys' I think there's a lot of truth about that and I've kept it in mind. Mine are lucky to have good male role models in their older teen cousins and uncles etc.

My son was adorable as a wee one too, I have the video evidence to cry over but he's 14 now and I'm sacked. I don't like spa days, I'd just like a semi kindred spirit under my own roof.

This! I have two boys, a toddler and a baby so it's not apparent yet. But this was my reasoning for wanting a girl

Okay my boys might want to do jigsaws and knitting and drawing and cozy nights in with me, but realistically and statistically it's not likely. In fact as they get older, it gets frowned on as being 'mummy's boy' behaviour

I think sometimes people imagine their future relationships with their grown children and assume that for 1 on 1 parental time, generally fathers will spend it with sons at the pub / football & mothers will spend it with daughters shopping etc. Gender roles can be hard to snap out of if you’ve never known anything different in your own family

I was raised by a radical feminist who went out of her way to avoid any gendered parenting at all. Guess what, my sister and I love jigsaws, chatting, Christmas films and pottering round the charity shops. My brother likes none of this and only does Christmas at all because it's an expectation, just like all the other men I know.

Yes. It’s nice to imagine you might share interests with your child. All my close friends are women. All the family members I’m close to are women. I am not into princessy stuff but traditionally masculine interests like sport, transport and so on leave me cold. I like crafts, animals, reading fiction - things more women are into than men.

Obviously there’s no telling what an individual child will be like! But all my life experience tells me I get along best with women and girls.

I also see the men around me doing the bare minimum with their families, while the women generally are close with their mothers into adulthood (barring abuse in childhood or something really awful).

This anecdotal evidence is reinforced by very clear stats on who does the vast majority of caring for elderly relatives - spoiler, it’s women. I don’t expect my children to care for me but I would like them to at least look out for me, visit me regularly and so on. Statistically this is simply more likely with female children.

I really don’t think it’s that hard to understand.