“im having one more kid in the hope I have a girl”

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I have come across three women recently who have openly admitted they carried on having children in the hope they would have a little girl.

Im trying not to judge them but everytime they have said it, it feels off to me. I can’t explain why it make me feel funny.

First encounter was a lady who had two boys and she now has a girl. She openly says in front of the kids she tried for a third in the hope it was a girl.

Second encounter was on their 5th baby and had 4 boys, they really wanted a girl and are yet to find out the gender.

I always wonder how the boys feel, maybe they don’t care but I always feel a bit sorry for them. It makes it sound like they arent good enough.

Third encounter is my SIL who had a forth and final girl. If the second or third had been a girl they would have stopped. They treat the girl so different to the boys.

I understand gender disappointment to a degree, I never had a fictional child or idea of what my kids would be like. I think I’m projecting as child with only girls, my dad got comments about no boys for him and it use to make me feel not good enough (I even pretend to a Tom boy for a year to try and make my dad happy)

I grew up near a family with 10 boys and finally a little girl -- Victoria.

Hmm. How to make it obvious to boys no. 2 to 10.

I know a woman who kept trying for a girl and finally had one on her 6th try. I know another woman and she ended up with 6 boys and was too old to have any more kids after that. I personally don't think I could do it, that many children would be way too much for me

I would have done this.

I really wanted a daughter. Both sexes ideally but I wouldn't have gone as far to have a Ds as a dd.

(I have both so I do know they have their pros & cons).

In the past with bigger families most women did have both.

I don't think it's wrong to want that.

It is materially different especially once they are adults.

I think that these threads are pretty much always about people wanting girls.
If it was a mix of each, then I'd get it. If you have a bit of a preference (I probably would have liked a girl after having a boy, but I didn't and I cracked on with it) then fine, but there are threads sometimes from women crying with gender disappointment and the thought of having a horrible smelly boy who will be constantly running around and hitting people.
It's a huge risk having a baby if the sex is a very important factor.

I'm pregnant with my 5th after 4 boys I'm having a girl, we wasn't "trying for a girl" at all but when we say anything to people they say "oh finally a girl, you must be so happy" it really grates on me because I would be happy either way I don't know what people just assume I wanted a girl. Bizzare

But some people DO clearly love their child less because they desperately wanted one of the opposite sex instead - and some will even admit that they wouldn't have had that child if they had known that they would be of the unwanted sex.

Things like this really screw up children and can give them lifelong traumas.

Having a child because you want a(nother) child - and hoping for a girl but wholeheartedly loving your son when he arrives instead, or vice versa, - is not any kind of problem whatsoever.

I know what you mean but if these women had kept trying for boys I doubt it would even be commented or picked up on as society has been preferencing boys for millennia. It’s definitely not right to treat the children differently though.

I've got 5 boys. Because I wanted 5 children. I had absolutely no preference at all. Other people were very vocal in their disappointment though, or their thought that I must be disappointed. A complete stranger called my then newborn 5th son a disappointment. I had the rage that day - how can someone look at a sweet tiny baby and call them that?

I think if your preference is that strong that you would be devastated to have a child of the opposite sex then you shouldn't have kids. I read about that here quite a lot. Not just "oh, a girl would be nice" but full on "what do I with a boy? They're horrid and I'll never be able to dress them in pretty dresses or go shopping and as soon as they get married I'll lose them to some woman" Complete catastrophism over having a yucky boy, like they're still 6 years old and boys are pooey and stinky. 🙄

Precisely that.

I know a lady who did this. She ended up with 5 boys! But she wasn't actually sad about it. I think she'd hoped for a girl but when her boys arrived she adored them of course. I don't see anything wrong with that. It isn't as if she doesn't want them now they're here. It's fine to hope for one or the other.

I hoped for a girl with my first and got one, but I wouldn't have been sad if she'd been a boy. I had a ds too and he was a dream baby and is a gorgeous little boy.

I also know two families with 4 girls who'd really wanted a boy.

I wonder if it’s because MN is mainly women. I know of dads who really want boys to play football with (always makes me laugh as I know plenty of boys who aren’t into sport).

I think for a lot of people if they could have one of each it would be nice but we can’t pick or choose.

I don’t understand it either. I had 2 boys then a girl and I would have been 100% happy to have had another boy. I can’t stand it when people say things like ‘finally, a girl!’ Or ‘you must be so happy you finally managed to have a girl’ right in front of my boys!

Wanting a certain sex if you could choose is completely fair, having more kids literally for the reason of getting a different sex is the ridiculous part. The number of kids you choose to have should be about that works financially and practically for your family.

I wanted a girl both times too, but if second was another boy I definitely wouldn't have had another because we want 2 kids not 3. I think that's the point OP is making

This.

I've seen a couple of families where there have been several boys before a last girl. One openly wanting a girl. The girl has turned out to be a real tom boy with several older brothers.

Yes I know a woman with 4 boys who was desperate for a girl, when her 4th boy was born and I congratulated her she just looked pissed off and said 'wrong shade' awful. Her poor boys and yes why is it always that way around?

I don't want a girl. I want a daughter. Is it really so weird to want a daughter?

I actually just want a third child and would be tickled pink with a third boy. But with two already a girl would be my choice if it was possible to choose. I won't get a third either way cos DH not up for it. But it's okay to want a daughter.

having more kids literally for the reason of getting a different sex is the ridiculous part

If you had a one in two chance of getting something you desperately, desperately wanted, that would bring you joy and happiness, I think many of us would go for it.

People sympathised when I had our second son. We didn't mind what we had, either time. Given a choice I would have had two boys. And now each has brought a lovely wife/partner into the family.

I think its a fair point most would have had both. But wouldnt currently 50% of 2 child families have both?
I wanted boys. Girls on both sides have been difficult.
Its still not a great world for women so cant see why people would want to have them. Periods, childbirth etc

My MIL proudly tells the story that then DH was born the first thing she said to FIL was don't worry the next one will be a girl.

They didn't have another kid and the story always makes me feel so sad for DH, I don't get how she doesn't see that's a horrible thing to say when your healthy baby has just been born.

Trying a third time is exactly how you get 3 boys or 3 girls too!

It's understandable that people would want the experience of both but a lot of the expectations are based on stereotypes, every child is their own individual and you can't predict what they'll be like just on whether they're a girl or a boy.

I have a slight preference for a girl because there are more boys in my family but it took a long time of trying and IVF for me to get pregnant so I genuinely am just hoping for a healthy baby this April.

I do know someone who was adopted because after 5 boys her parents hadn't managed to have a girl biologically and it caused her so much harm growing up as she could never meet her mother's expectations of what her much hoped for daughter would be.

This is it: how thoroughly nasty calling a beautiful new baby a 'disappointment' just because of the sex that they happen to have been born.

Effectively comparing an innocent tiny new person from the outset with a wayward teenager who has made a conscious decision in their life to get into crime and/or antisocial behaviour.

It goes far beyond simply having a preference but fully accepting that it's 50/50 and whichever you get is a great delight.

I would never have been disappointed with my children but I really wanted a mix, and had a mix.

I know several families with all boys and several with all girls.
They are lovely families

It doesn't seem selfish to have three children but having five or six because of chasing the desired sex runs the risk of all of the children missing out on the best education if they are financially struggling.

desperately wanting a child of a particular sex is not wrong.

Disagree. Having a preference is one thing. “Desperately” wanting a child of one sex is pretty problematic in my view. If you desperately only want one sex this tends to suggest a child of the “wrong” sex is a problem. And honestly if your preference for a particular sex is so black and white that you couldn’t love the other, you shouldn’t be having children at all.

Aldo let’s be honest. Continuing to have more and more children in the hope you will get the “right” sex shows a stunning lack of understanding of how statistics work.

In some cases it's very obvious that one kid is the one who was desperately wanted.