“im having one more kid in the hope I have a girl”

[Microvavie]

I have come across three women recently who have openly admitted they carried on having children in the hope they would have a little girl.

Im trying not to judge them but everytime they have said it, it feels off to me. I can’t explain why it make me feel funny.

First encounter was a lady who had two boys and she now has a girl. She openly says in front of the kids she tried for a third in the hope it was a girl.

Second encounter was on their 5th baby and had 4 boys, they really wanted a girl and are yet to find out the gender.

I always wonder how the boys feel, maybe they don’t care but I always feel a bit sorry for them. It makes it sound like they arent good enough.

Third encounter is my SIL who had a forth and final girl. If the second or third had been a girl they would have stopped. They treat the girl so different to the boys.

I understand gender disappointment to a degree, I never had a fictional child or idea of what my kids would be like. I think I’m projecting as child with only girls, my dad got comments about no boys for him and it use to make me feel not good enough (I even pretend to a Tom boy for a year to try and make my dad happy)

An unwanted child knows it's unwanted. They tend to become the family scapegoat and whipping boy / girl .

I wouldn't do this incase you got another of the gender you didn't want. Too risky!

It honestly didn't work like that for me. As I said for my dad's family (probably for him but he'd never have said it) I was a disappointment as I wasn't a boy. For my mother I was terrible news as she found out she was having me when she had a six month old. They didn't have a house, we lived with gran and my mum, dad, sister and I shared a room.

I always felt loved, particularly by my dad. I was given the feminine version of his name and I felt it was something really special we shared. I definitely wasn't a scapegoat or whipping girl. I'm not saying it doesn't happen but that isn't a definite outcome.

My dad died when I was a child and here I am 60 years after his death and still missing him.

Because creating a human being isn't the same as taking a gamble in the casino.

Also, I find the idea of a child bringing 'joy and happiness' simply because of their gender, to be rather troublesome. Are the already existing children of the 'wrong' gender not 'desperately, desperately wanted'? Do they not bring 'joy and happiness' due to their not being the 'right' gender'?

I think someone so 'desperate' for a child of one gender should examine their own reasoning rather than create a whole new person who may be a great disappointment because they are the 'wrong' gender.

I think people are entitled to their feelings but feelings like that should be discussed privately with your best friend or a therapist not openly in front of your other children. I had a friend tell me she wouldn't have another child because she only wanted a girl, in front of her son and my boys. And people say things to my daughter like "you have a house full of smelly boys" or "poor DD" when she had another brother, I always say "actually she loves her brothers" because why do people think they can talk like that in front of my very much loved children.

I have a MUCH closer bond with my boy than my girl.

All the time he was little we had a next door neighbour who used to bang on about how glad she had a daughter beause girls are more loving.

It's just not true. They're children. My son was the cuddliest, most loving child you could wish to meet. As an 18 year old he's still pretty special.

His sister is great too, in her own way but she's not like her brother for the mama love just yet, maybe her time will come and I very much hope it does.

I think the major problem here is gendered expectations of how our offspring will be. They come as little personalities not as a set of stereotypes, well at least that's my opinion on it. !

I feel this too. Especially after losses.