To say something now or leave it to see if I hear from the school - DD misgendered a teacher

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

DD is 11 in year 7. She had a non-binary teacher who she has to refer to as ‘Mx Surname’ (pronounced Mix). When she started she said “It’s obvious she’s a woman as she has boobs and a woman’s voice” but that they were told they must only refer to her as Mx. She thought it was a load of nonsense (as do I) but I told her that it’s best not to ruffle feathers and just go along with it because I don’t want her to be in trouble but I thought I’d have to keep a beady eye out for any problems.

On Friday afternoon she came back from school panicking because she accidentally called this teacher Miss when doing the register. They have to say “Here Mx” when their names are called and she said “Here Miss”. The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on. DD said she (DD) went bright red and felt embarrassed.

I have gone back and forth over the weekend, I’m really torn between saying something and leaving it because I don’t want DD to be a target because I’ve pissed a teacher off, or just be labelled a horrible bigot (let’s face it school will not see my POV). It’s a subject she absolutely adores as well so I don’t want her to have any backlash because she struggles with certain subjects and so lives for the few she enjoys including this one.

So Im wondering if I should email the school saying children should not be shamed for “misgendering”, this person is an adult and should be a bit more resilient and not expect children to put aide their subconscious and shirk reality, or should I wait to see if there’s any backlash before doing that? Obviously if there is I’ll defend DD to the hilt but I am thinking about getting ahead of the game as the whole thing really pisses me off.

YABU = say something now
YANBU = wait it out

I think you’re overthinking this. I’d see it as similar to accidentally calling a teacher mrs when they’re a miss, or just the wrong name. Kids make mistakes, it takes time to get used to new teachers and I’m sure this isn’t the first time this has happened to the teacher.

It’s understandable your DD was embarrassed she got something wrong and was told off in front of the class. But I doubt the teacher will take offence from children, who have likely never come across a Mx before.

When I was at school I was told off/reminded when I called a teacher miss instead of ms. No harm done, I just didn’t do it again

You are probably wrong that this is going away. Certainly there is a violent right wing backlash at the moment but, like acceptance of left handedness, other religions , mixed race people, and LGB people acceptance of people as they are and choose to live is here to stay.

Willing to bet you changed your surname if you're married. Just a hunch. But I'm sure you aren't brainwashed at all lolol

I think this is completely insane. I don’t understand why people don’t have ‘the right to make a mistake’ - if you called someone blonde when they were brunette for example everyone would just apologise and move on. I just think it’s insane.

This is typical genderist behaviour with the teacher expecting to have more rights than anyone else.

Why should the teacher's right to believe in gender ideology trump your daughter's right to not believe in gender ideology?

The school should be teaching that there are a variety of valid beliefs.

I think in this day and age, pupils should be allowed to call their teacher by the teachers first name.
None of this "Sir" or "Miss" or "Mrs" or "Ms" or "Mr" or "Mx" - just by their actual given name.

I don’t think changing your surname has anything whatsoever to do with this situation. There’s literally zero link.

Wow

Ah yes thats what she told you because yr7s never try to push boundaries do they?

If it was a genuine mistake her correct response should have been " sorry "

I disagree with you, the 11 year old child had an accidental slip of the younger. She didn't need to comment at all, let alone in the way she did.

woukd you think

Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!

would have been acceptable if she'd called her Mum?

the teacher is fuming your daughter didn't play along in her land of make believe.

She is furious that she cannot effectively compel your daughters speech and she wishes to punish your daughter for correctly "sexing" her by calling her the same as she calls all the other female teachers.

Non-binary is a made up self identity - its not something we are obliged to believe in or participate in.

We are free to think about ourselves however we wish to - but you cannot compel others to share in those beliefs & no one should be punished for non-complicance whether it was deliberate or a mistake.

Neither me or my 11yo is bigoted. We are just not delusional in believing anyone can identify out their sex. She wouldn’t do it on purpose, ever - she’s very easy going and pretty quiet, and HATES any attention of any sort.

What's that got to do with gender ideology?

I am struggling to make the connection.

They won't be. It happens all the time.

She shouldn't be humiliated for making a mistake, the teacher is supposedly the adult here, it was uncalled for.

parents often call their kids by the wrong name. No harm intended. This is no different, the teacher handled it badly.

Ok so that is your message to the teacher. Not “my child was justified in calking you miss because you are a big honking lying pervert with tits and not non binary! What nonsense!” But “Hey child’s teacher, dd was really embarrassed by your response to her accidental misgendering. If she does it again could you just pass over it lightly? She is at that stage!”

My DD is 11. She’s immature in many ways but her and her friends are all starting to talk about women’s issues, identity, feminism etc - they have opinions and are allowed to form whatever opinion they desire. I’m not distracting her from that pretty important phase in life with a new hobby. I’d rather we DID have talking about women’s issues as her “hobby” even if it is negative (which it has to be given the state of women’s rights and equality)

Yes I do, after all it is a thread about being "correct".

So have you pulled your daughter out of RE classes? Isn’t believing that a big bearded man in the sky controls our destiny a far bigger delusion than someone asking for people to use a gender neutral title?

Your daughter hasn’t been asked to “pander” to anything. She’s been asked to use a specific title. You can call someone MX Whoever without believing they’re not a woman. All your daughter has been asked to do is get someone’s name right.

Well it's the first time I've heard of it and I've never seen it on any form drop down box.

Yes that's what I was wondering.

I am addressing it

Ok. You don't believe this person can change sex. Fine. What's the problem with using "Mx", though, is it a matter of principle?
Go up to the school - but over the issue of toxic friendships affecting her concentration. That's the bigger problem.

Op’s dd didn’t make a mistake though did she? She used female pronoun or female title for a woman. No need to apologise for telling the truth.

Agree this is important, but maybe an outlet to deal with bullying and to meet new friends may help her.