To say something now or leave it to see if I hear from the school - DD misgendered a teacher

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

DD is 11 in year 7. She had a non-binary teacher who she has to refer to as ‘Mx Surname’ (pronounced Mix). When she started she said “It’s obvious she’s a woman as she has boobs and a woman’s voice” but that they were told they must only refer to her as Mx. She thought it was a load of nonsense (as do I) but I told her that it’s best not to ruffle feathers and just go along with it because I don’t want her to be in trouble but I thought I’d have to keep a beady eye out for any problems.

On Friday afternoon she came back from school panicking because she accidentally called this teacher Miss when doing the register. They have to say “Here Mx” when their names are called and she said “Here Miss”. The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on. DD said she (DD) went bright red and felt embarrassed.

I have gone back and forth over the weekend, I’m really torn between saying something and leaving it because I don’t want DD to be a target because I’ve pissed a teacher off, or just be labelled a horrible bigot (let’s face it school will not see my POV). It’s a subject she absolutely adores as well so I don’t want her to have any backlash because she struggles with certain subjects and so lives for the few she enjoys including this one.

So Im wondering if I should email the school saying children should not be shamed for “misgendering”, this person is an adult and should be a bit more resilient and not expect children to put aide their subconscious and shirk reality, or should I wait to see if there’s any backlash before doing that? Obviously if there is I’ll defend DD to the hilt but I am thinking about getting ahead of the game as the whole thing really pisses me off.

YABU = say something now
YANBU = wait it out

Exactly. I would feel different about a male teacher being expected to be called by a female title.

a gentle correction isn’t shaming. If you get someone’s name wrong they’ll correct you and move on.

in the grand scheme offering value judgements on the name someone wants to be addressed by is time consuming on something that is ultimately irrelevant unless close friends. It doesn’t help your daughter and makes it more likely for her to be confused.

see it as the teachers name is “mix” and if it happens again she can apologise and say she misspoke as that’s what happened.

it’s unlikely to go further.

if it does come up than a simple argument is that in no other scenario would we penalise a child for calling a teacher mum or some other teachers name.

but again it’s very unlikely to escalate.

I would try and find a different school for her.

Good. These things often escalate, it needs to be dealt with, she's unhappy now, it'll get worse.

She was humiliated

Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!

she should have just ignored it or said Mx Smith if she just had to say anything.

No I agree. Have been seeing the Gen Alpha now rejecting this.

It’s scary actually because they are so extreme. I didn’t think we could have a more extreme split but it looks like they do. Half are quite pissed off as you say and they are very much far right reform. The other half are flouncing around talking about their mental health and wanting to be unicorns.

Some people do pull their children out of RE classes, but RE is no longer taught as 'God exists' but more about tolerance of religion and other people's beliefs.

Sorry not deliberately picking on your posts.

What if someone turns out to be a Mx there?

It was a slip of the tongue, not a deliberating 'misgendering'. Didn't you ever call your teacher 'mum'? I assume they didn't rudely embarrass you in front of the class if you did?

Shocked to the core by this thread and the posters on it.

Firstly im never disciplining, or allowing my child to be disciplined because they are seen to not be supporting someone elses fantasies.

The fact she was scolded for not using someones preferred pronouns accidentally i may add is outrageous and i wouldnt stand for it. What if the teachers wanted to be referred to as shark, butterfly or god knows what else.

Not that I’m aware!

I didn't think Miss, Mrs, Mx, etc. were pronouns.

This is the advantage of my boobs arriving 5 minutes before I do!!

She has a shitty attitude because she had a slip of the tongue? Or she has a shitty attitude because she has the nerve, on the brink of womanhood, to have an opinion about women’s issues?

It never astounds me the many ways in which women and girls are covertly told to STFU

Your poor DD. Preferred pronouns aside, this teacher appears rather rude and confrontational. Not the best way to begin a relationship based on respectful communication and understanding of others. Perhaps modeling being more understanding of different beliefs would benefit students more?

This unpleasant, self obsessed behavior appears so often with the proponents of gender ideology though.

Unless things have changed dramatically since my DC did RE lessons, the approach was to teach about the different religious beliefs from a 'some people believe' perspective. There were no instances in their secular school of teachers presenting belief as fact or insisting children replied 'amen' to prayers. This teacher considers herself non binary and has introduced herself as such (we know this from the OPs discussion with her DD when the teacher arrived) with the non binary introduction will almost certainly have come some explanation of what that meant. I'd be very surprised if that was couched in language of "I believe I'm neither a woman nor a man, but you are free to believe I'm a woman".

How on earth have we let society come to this. It is beyond ridiculous. The teacher is a disgrace and the school is pathetic for encouraging such nonsense. The children should come first and be protected from this sort of rubbish not be made victims of it.

If people want to claim they are something they are not then that’s up to them but they shouldn’t expect others to pander to their delusions.

I'm certain that they didn't! Such mistakes happen every day!

Well it's likely the first time in 12 weeks she's made a mistake so I'd say she IS being respectful. You can be respectful & still make a mistake. Especially when you're asking your brain to go against what it sees.

like having to call every orange item green.

The more I think about it the more unfair I think it is to the ops DD.

Year seven is a really tricky time...it's difficult enough adjusting from primary school to secondary school without all this confusion and having to be very careful about names and pronouns. The ops DD has done her best, she is still incredibly young, it's the first term in secondary school, she is dealing with new teachers, a new routine and new friendships... experiencing pressure to adhere to a teachers pronouns really is another issue I'm sure she could do without.

I know that - the point is that you don’t have to agree with something to learn about it. OP’s daughter can think non-binary is a pile of old shit all she likes, but she hasn’t been asked to state “Teacher X is not a woman and I believe it is possible to change your biological sex”. She’s been asked to use a title. To stay with the religion example, would you deliberately call a vicar “Mr” rather than “Reverend” just because you’re not a Christian?

Life isn't fair. Your dd needs to draw a line and get on with it. No going I to school to complain.

My dd's a secondary school teacher. Her class call her by her first name. The world is moving on. When our dc were at school by 6th form we called the staff by their first names and they used ours. At dd's school it was first names by 6th form for the pupils.

DS is a university lecturer, his student ts call him by his first name. He significantly more qualified than the average secondary school teacher.

The only place this hierarchical nonsense still exists in civilian life and beyond the courts is in the NHS. Such utter nonsense.

teacher doesn't just want to be called Mx though - "you know my pronouns" indicates the Mx expects the world, including her students & colleagues, to treat the teacher as a very special class of person.

Instead of using sex based pronouns & titles as we do for the entire world, we are expected to place Mx in a very special class of people who get to control others speech & thoughts. We must defer to these special ones at all times, check in with them, override our brains so we are sure to put her into the special catagory of people to who sex based pronouns must not be spoken or thought, and remember their special words at all times.

https://fairplayforwomen.com/pronouns/

#NoThankYou

The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!”

Did the teacher really say this? Mx. and Miss aren't pronouns; as a PP mentioned, they're honorifics.

Apart from that, given that the teacher made a quick comment and moved on, I'd just forget about it unless your daughter wants you to raise the issue. If she'd accidentally called a 'Sir' "Miss" (or vice versa) through inattention or a slip of the tongue, that teacher may have also made a sarcastic remark, jokingly or otherwise.

Mx. was originally a way to avoid drawing attention to someone's sex in cases where it doesn't matter and could be an unwarranted detriment, similar to the way Ms. avoids drawing attention to a woman's marital status where irrelevant. As it turned out, it was almost exclusively women (who, as studies have shown, are typically disadvantaged professionally when attention is brought to their being female) who used it. Men, inexplicably, weren't clamoring to give up the corresponding advantage, so 'Mx' failed to serve its original purpose and mostly fell out of favour until resurrected by (some) nonbinary people.

Anyway I appreciate all the responses so thank you - I haven’t heard from the school as of today so I’m going to sit back for now and see if anything else progresses from it and see if DD tells me of any change in the way she’s treated etc.