To say something now or leave it to see if I hear from the school - DD misgendered a teacher

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

DD is 11 in year 7. She had a non-binary teacher who she has to refer to as ‘Mx Surname’ (pronounced Mix). When she started she said “It’s obvious she’s a woman as she has boobs and a woman’s voice” but that they were told they must only refer to her as Mx. She thought it was a load of nonsense (as do I) but I told her that it’s best not to ruffle feathers and just go along with it because I don’t want her to be in trouble but I thought I’d have to keep a beady eye out for any problems.

On Friday afternoon she came back from school panicking because she accidentally called this teacher Miss when doing the register. They have to say “Here Mx” when their names are called and she said “Here Miss”. The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on. DD said she (DD) went bright red and felt embarrassed.

I have gone back and forth over the weekend, I’m really torn between saying something and leaving it because I don’t want DD to be a target because I’ve pissed a teacher off, or just be labelled a horrible bigot (let’s face it school will not see my POV). It’s a subject she absolutely adores as well so I don’t want her to have any backlash because she struggles with certain subjects and so lives for the few she enjoys including this one.

So Im wondering if I should email the school saying children should not be shamed for “misgendering”, this person is an adult and should be a bit more resilient and not expect children to put aide their subconscious and shirk reality, or should I wait to see if there’s any backlash before doing that? Obviously if there is I’ll defend DD to the hilt but I am thinking about getting ahead of the game as the whole thing really pisses me off.

YABU = say something now
YANBU = wait it out

Even if you do think it's all made up you can be respectful. My family manages to respect religion

See I don’t think you’re right about her needing to do this into old age. It’s a very much Gen Z thing whereas my DD and her peers (Gen Alpha I believe) are starting to push back on this. Not just DD but a lot of young people I know now. Everything comes full circle and I don’t think these mad id entity politics are here to stay.

My Mum used to when she was teaching. She was really shocked when I told her I always get Miss and it’s really quite normal in a classroom, married or not.

I think it’s adorable you get called mum sometimes

She did not correct her gently, she deliberately made a point of saying

Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!

if DD had called her Mum, she wouldn't have pulled her up like that.

if DD was doing it regularly, or obviously on purpose fair enough, but she wasn't, it was a slip of the tongue between Mx & Miss which she rents at. The kid is 11, and shouldn't even have to pretend that this woman, who presents as a woman isn't a woman. Let alone be expected to never have a slip of the tongue. No different than any other teacher.

I think that's what you need to address, rather than the teacher's choice of title.

Of course people can believe anything they like. They have no right to force an adherence to it on others. That is when their fist makes contact with another person’s nose. That is not respectful of the other person.

The teacher sounds quite cold, your DD made a mistake there was no need to pick at her. It’s not as if she’s been doing it consistently for 12 weeks and the teacher was fed up. I would contact the school and state she ment no offence it was a slip of the tongue - she’s 11 for goodness sake!

I don’t believe in all the stupid gender stuff, but they should be treated with the same respect and consideration as everyone else.

The problem here is that the teacher has shamed your daughter by overreacting with “Really, I’ve been here twelve weeks, you should know better”.

My husband is a teacher, he is fairly frequently called “Miss” and “Mum” by little children. He just laughs it off or ignores it, even though he is being misgendered, because obviously it’s just a slip of the tongue, and as a responsible adult he would never shame a child. He knows the child will already be embarrassed enough, so he minimises it as much as possible.

The teacher in this thread is putting their feelings above the child, and adding to the child’s embarrassment, because they think their super special gender feelings are more important than the wellbeing of a child in their care. That’s what would grind my gears.

No because telling her off for not talking isn’t chastising her for a simple mistake that doesn’t pander to someone else’s delusion

Couldn't agree more.

EXACTLY

Depends on the school.
some are happy with "here" or "present"
others will ask for "sir", "ma'am", "miss", "mrs" etc.
Some ask for both.

The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on.

She called her by the wrong name, teacher addressed it and moved on. I think that you also need to move on.

You can respect religion but would you get down and pray once or several times a day to be respectful? Would you never say ‘oh my god’ or ‘Jesus Christ’ out loud ever again incase it offends a religious person (whether you know them or not)? Would you stop eating pork or only eat fish on Friday to show your respect? Or do you understand you can respect someone else’s personal beliefs without having to engage in them yourself?

Yeah, because that totally wouldn't make matters worse and like your DD "didn't mean to do it."
School would be like "ah, clear where she gets it from" if you're in your own words purposely greeting the teacher like that.

I personally doubt that this generation of children will grow up in a world where GI has gained traction and become the norm. I think there are clear signs that the trend has peaked and is now on its way out. Certainly in my 'progressive' sector its becoming less and less a thing. At a recent conference there was no round the room pronoun sharing this year, and the name badges no longer had 'my pronouns are'. I have only one colleague who's pronouns are on his email signature now, and those are the ones one would expect for his sex. I know more de transitioned young people than trans ones.
So, given this doesn't appear to have been the dawn of a new age, but rather a quite niche belief that gained initial interest, but is now losing buy in, I think its far more important to encourage children to think critically and decide for themselves what they believe, rather than train them in preparation a world that some would prefer, but is looking increasingly unlikely to materialise.

But it is fucking ridiculous and we all know it. I agree with respecting other peoples wishes because it's no skin off my nose to use someone's pronouns but to be called out for accidentally using miss in what is an everyday situation where "yes miss" is probably said a lot during each day without a thought is fucking ridiculous. How fragile is this teacher that this bothers them because they are in the wrong job if they have to make an issue out of it.
It's al ME ME ME with this sort of person and nobody other than them really give a shit about what or how they identify as.

My point being - does the school have a strong policy or rule that children must never mix up Miss and Mrs for female teachers, or always say Sir for male teachers? No. And mistakes are not seen as a big deal. So this Mx teacher can state their preference, but children should not be shamed or punished for mis-speaking.

Okay, a gender neutral title. Feel better?

Sounds like she gets her shitty attitude from the OP.

This is a teacher criticising a child to validate their own delusion that they're no longer a woman. No adult in a school should be behaving like this.
I'd probably watch and wait for a while. A teacher so self absorbed that they feel they must challenge a child who says Miss instead of mix, mux or whatever pronunciation they insist on, doesn't have the needs of the children they teach at the centre of their practice. It's guaranteed that there will be more incidents that challenge their fragile ego.

I agree with you totally about not using the children as validation, especially to ignore what they see. But I don't agree it's a safeguarding issue, that's thrown around far to lightly and is becoming meaningless.

The tide might well be turning but the amount of people on here that think that children should be compelled to go along with a teachers ideological beliefs that are harmful is pretty astonishing.

No child should be compelled to use incorrect pronouns or other language that supports a regressive belief system. Especially not in schools.

Children are vulnerable to brainwashing. This is what this teacher is trying to do and some posters are supporting it. Astonishing.

Whilst I find pronouns unbelievably wank (no I will not be revealing gendered/otherwise information about myself in my IG bio thanks), I also find anyone having a massive reaction to a pronoun request beyond pathetic.

If you're happy to go from MISS to MRS why is MIX such a big deal? When a friend changes their surname to their husband's I go with it - surely choosing to be publicly 'owned' is far more ridiculous than self-selecting your title? Again, I don't care, but lots of passionate/'strong'/feminist GC women seem totes fine taking a man's name, but somehow also fully cool disrespecting another person's personal choice. Almost as if you're all falling victim to the male agenda to keep you distracted from the real issues...lol

Anyway, OP, sounds like the only one making a big deal out of it is you. Teacher corrected her, same as I would if someone called me Miss or Mrs (it's Ms, thanks) and moved on.