To say something now or leave it to see if I hear from the school - DD misgendered a teacher

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

DD is 11 in year 7. She had a non-binary teacher who she has to refer to as ‘Mx Surname’ (pronounced Mix). When she started she said “It’s obvious she’s a woman as she has boobs and a woman’s voice” but that they were told they must only refer to her as Mx. She thought it was a load of nonsense (as do I) but I told her that it’s best not to ruffle feathers and just go along with it because I don’t want her to be in trouble but I thought I’d have to keep a beady eye out for any problems.

On Friday afternoon she came back from school panicking because she accidentally called this teacher Miss when doing the register. They have to say “Here Mx” when their names are called and she said “Here Miss”. The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on. DD said she (DD) went bright red and felt embarrassed.

I have gone back and forth over the weekend, I’m really torn between saying something and leaving it because I don’t want DD to be a target because I’ve pissed a teacher off, or just be labelled a horrible bigot (let’s face it school will not see my POV). It’s a subject she absolutely adores as well so I don’t want her to have any backlash because she struggles with certain subjects and so lives for the few she enjoys including this one.

So Im wondering if I should email the school saying children should not be shamed for “misgendering”, this person is an adult and should be a bit more resilient and not expect children to put aide their subconscious and shirk reality, or should I wait to see if there’s any backlash before doing that? Obviously if there is I’ll defend DD to the hilt but I am thinking about getting ahead of the game as the whole thing really pisses me off.

YABU = say something now
YANBU = wait it out

A trans person asking that their identity is respected and recognised is not violating anyone’s boundaries, or making any kind of unreasonable imposition on others.

Not violating anyone's boundaries? Let's for instance imagine a heterosexual man who says he is a woman. This trans person from your quote above, a transwoman, therefore claims to be a lesbian.

Lesbians don't tend to like dick so somebody's boundaries are being violated. If you think that no "male lesbian" would push his penis onto lesbians you have missed all the (sorry wims) "suck on my massive girl dick you Terf!" messages on SM. The BBC has reported on these boundary violations:

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-57853385

Being trans is the opposition of innate, it is a soico/environmental decision of the individual person based on perception

Why is it that you believe this? And you are so certain about it?

trans people asking their gender and sexuality be recognised and respected is not violating anyone’s boundaries .

Any person demanding anyone else perform any kind of sex act on them is a significant violation of boundaries (and a criminal act).

You have muddled these two very different things here because of transphobia

Because bio sex can be observed and measured scientifically. Being transgender is based on a person’s saying they are due to their personal beliefs of their identity, which in itself is built on personal ideologies of what it means to be male/female/both/neither from social interactions.

I don’t know this is being explained exhaustively to some of the posters here. They have a very different definition of transphobia - is the new definition disagreeing with trans rights activists??
There are trans people who vehemently disagree with TRAs.
They’re prominent on social media
If you see transphobia on these boards, please please do report it as the mods will be very pleased to deal with it.

Non binary is not a thing that exists.

Gender is not a thing that exists.

Sex exists, and this teacher is a woman.

Sorry, but respect is a two-way street and needs to be earned. And, I'm afraid that, in life, there need to be universally accepted terms, in order for everyone to get along in society, especially in a school setting.
Mr, Mrs, Miss or Ms are the universally accepted terms. Anything else potentially creates an issue like this, where there doesn't need to be one. OP YANBU!

I rather think you have muddled the meaning of "respect." Oh, and "not violating boundaries."

I don't like compelled speech and I try not to lie. Those are my boundaries.

Asking me to "respect" that a visible man is a woman, or that a visible woman is neither male or female, is compelling me to lie, and compelling me to speak something that is an untruth.

You have muddled these two very different things here because of transphobia

If people can't tell the truth without transphobia accusations, then it really isn't transphobia. The truth is some transwomen do violate boundaries, and yes often these violations are criminal. You say: A trans person asking that their identity is respected and recognised is not violating anyone’s boundaries, or making any kind of unreasonable imposition on others. I give you an example where being a lesbian transwoman is making violating impositions on lesbians and you call it transphobia.

It is not transphobia to recognise an ideology that corrupts reality.

They have a very different definition of transphobia - is the new definition disagreeing with trans rights activists??

I think that's always been the definition.

What do you mean by “observed and measured scientifically” ?

There are lots of conditions that rely on self report- all types of mental health conditions and lots of physical health conditions too. That does not mean that we can assume that they are soico/environmental decision of the individual person based on perception.
Many of these conditions have biological and physiological causes .

What we can observe and measure objectively is a function of contemporary medical technologies . For example, “sex”, which you are so attached to- it’s only recently that medical technologies enabled us to measure important facets of sex- eg chromosomes. That doesn’t mean they didn’t exist, we just didn’t have the technology to observe them.

The definition of transphobia is the same as with all phobias directed against particular groups of people:

the fear, hatred, discomfort with, or mistrust of that group of people.

Eg the idea that recognising and respecting a trans person by using correct pronouns is a safeguarding risk to children is a form of transphobia.

The truth is some transwomen do violate boundaries, and yes often these violations are criminal

the truth is people violate boundaries and sometimes these violations are criminal. They may be trans, not trans, gay, straight, Christian, Muslim, white, black, Asian, disabled, British, foreign, whatever

There is no need to connect trans women specifically to violation of boundaries and criminal acts unless you are transphobic.

The word “transphobia “is histrionic. Where is the ‘phobia’ in disagreeing with something. Absurd language reflecting distorted thinking.

Removing reasonable safeguards that women’s single sex spaces provided against male pattern crimes has had the result in male bad actors having unfettered access to women & girls in vulnerable spaces.

The removal of those safeguards has been a direct result of the demands of trans activist.

It is hypocritical, yet unsurprising, that you call those entirely predictable consequences to women and girls transphobia.

No amount of harm to women & girls resulting from demands of trans activists to unfettered access for males to women’s single sex spaces will be enough for you to consider the needs and impact on female people. Because we are entirely irrelevant to these male demands. Unless we unquestionably validate these demands we’re transphobes.

No dear, enough already. Women are fully human and should be able to call out harms.

I wouldn't ever be able to use that awful term "mix" for someone. These poor children being coerced like this is despicable. The head teacher needs to stop this nonsense and nobody should be telling lies to children.

Male or female. There is nothing else.

This in is massive spades. It would appear your DD is firmly wedded to reality. She should not have to go along with the utter madness of this attention seeking, MH nonsense. No one should.

Exactly. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I couldn't agree more

Presumably you are aware of the data showing that transwomen retain male patterns of criminality?

Tandora- In the scenario I describe we are not talking about gay, straight, Christian, Muslim, white, black, Asian, disabled, British, foreign, whatever though, we are talking about boundary pushing transwomen.

Remember you said: A trans person asking that their identity is respected and recognised is not violating anyone’s boundaries, or making any kind of unreasonable imposition on others.

I explained why a transwomen's identity (as a 'lesbian') might not be respected, for good reason. I explained how it can violate boundaries and pose unreasonable imposition. That made me transphobic, apparently.

To be clear the 'calling me transphobic' bit matters not at all to me because it is just an attempt to close down discussion or scare people off. If I call you reality-phobic will you see sense? Probably not so let's give that a rest.

Eg the idea that recognising and respecting a trans person by using correct pronouns is a safeguarding risk to children is a form of transphobia.

Only if you put the feelings of trans-identified men above the safety of children.

98% of sexual crime is committed by men.

Our ancestors did not know about chromosomes, but when they invented farming they worked out that you need one animal with bollocks and one without in order to produce tasty baby animals.

The sex binary is integral to human history and biology, and to pretend it suddenly doesn't exist, or is superseded by some nebulous, middle-class, culture-specific concepts of "gender" is risible.

I worked on a stud farm as a teenager. Pretend that sex isn't real and important around large, un-neutered animals and people get hurt.

Trans people are not a threat to women and children

This is a Scottish double rapist who became a "transwoman" after apprehension.

Would you like to be sharing showering spaces with him if you ended up in prison??

Note the post 'transition" pink pink coat ...... And the blond blond hair. His gender is very clearly "female", how could it possibly not be when he wears such a pink coat and has bleached blond bobbed hair??

He very likely kept his cock and bollocks post "transition" though. That poses a slight problem given that he wanted to be processed through the justice system as a woman; achieved his aim, and was indeed initially remanded in a women's prison.

He was moved only because of people that people like you like to call "terfs" before he could rape any women in there.

And do you want to scan the internet and count all the women raped by trans "women" in prisons ....where they had access to their victims ONLY because their claim that their gender is female was validated & actioned, at the risk and expense of biological women.

There are cases galore of rapes committed by trans "women" in women's prisons. I'm not listing them for you, you're the one the onus is on to read about them; because you are the one making the claim above.

Trans people are not a threat to women and children

Trans identifying females are statistically highly unlikely to be a danger, I agree.

Trans identifying males, however, pose the same threat as any other male. Home Office crime stats show that having magical gender identity feelings does not suddenly prevent them committing crimes.

Yes I did notice the sleight of hand of often using 'trans people'. Way to dilute the blame.