To say something now or leave it to see if I hear from the school - DD misgendered a teacher

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

DD is 11 in year 7. She had a non-binary teacher who she has to refer to as ‘Mx Surname’ (pronounced Mix). When she started she said “It’s obvious she’s a woman as she has boobs and a woman’s voice” but that they were told they must only refer to her as Mx. She thought it was a load of nonsense (as do I) but I told her that it’s best not to ruffle feathers and just go along with it because I don’t want her to be in trouble but I thought I’d have to keep a beady eye out for any problems.

On Friday afternoon she came back from school panicking because she accidentally called this teacher Miss when doing the register. They have to say “Here Mx” when their names are called and she said “Here Miss”. The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on. DD said she (DD) went bright red and felt embarrassed.

I have gone back and forth over the weekend, I’m really torn between saying something and leaving it because I don’t want DD to be a target because I’ve pissed a teacher off, or just be labelled a horrible bigot (let’s face it school will not see my POV). It’s a subject she absolutely adores as well so I don’t want her to have any backlash because she struggles with certain subjects and so lives for the few she enjoys including this one.

So Im wondering if I should email the school saying children should not be shamed for “misgendering”, this person is an adult and should be a bit more resilient and not expect children to put aide their subconscious and shirk reality, or should I wait to see if there’s any backlash before doing that? Obviously if there is I’ll defend DD to the hilt but I am thinking about getting ahead of the game as the whole thing really pisses me off.

YABU = say something now
YANBU = wait it out

Mx has been around since the 1970s I'd say that was years ago seeing as its now 2024!

I know Ms was around in the 70s and 80s, I can't remember Mx being used. Maybe it was in some circles but I definitely wasn't aware of it.

Ms was being used by women who didn't want to reveal their marital status. Men have never been required to yet women were. It was to move away from sexism.

Just because you have never heard it being used doesn't mean that it didn't exist back then. I certainly have heard it used when I was growing up in the 80s.

I worked in employment law. It certainly was not in common use in the employment setting across the multiple sectors I worked with.

Ms was.

You may have heard it used but it is false to say it was in regular use.

Regardless this is a distraction. There is no requirement on an adult or a child in a school setting to use 'gendered' language.

The teacher is requiring this for validation only, as the register can be taken without the child being compelled to call the teacher Mix, so the teacher putting their gender identity above the child which is unacceptable in a school setting.

There are two sexes and I don't know what shock you're expecting if you test everyone's chromosomes? A handful of genetic abnormalities but 99.9% of people have either xy or xx.

Where exactly did I say it was in regular use? I said it had been around since the 1970s nowhere did I say it was in regular use.

Oh the irony!!

It wasn't used at all in the UK until 2011 and has never gained much popularity. I've never heard anyone use it despite working in a diverse sector, or seen it as an option on a form. I can only assume those posters claiming it was well used in the 70s and 80s are referencing other countries. Which is irrelevant when discussing a situation that took place in the UK.

Where did you see it referenced in the 70s?

It is not just a ‘different word’, it is pronouns as well as title.

“Non-binary genders are hundreds of years before us”

Can you name one culture that was not homophobic that had non-binary genders please? Because it feels like you are leveraging a group of historic people’s oppression to support a current philosophical belief.

And can you suggest any other titles and linguistic accommodations teachers have based on their philosophical belief, not their academic qualifications, in a school? Why should this philosophical belief be treated specially.

It's only been a legal title in UK since 2011 has been used since 1977 by people just wasn't legally recognised. It has been an option on government forms since 2015 in the UK. Regardless of whether people agree on it or not 7000 people have applied or renewed their driving licence using Mx over the last 3 years. Personally I couldn't careless what someone wants to title themselves.

The thing is in schools almost all women are Miss regardless of marital status or age anyway.

Personally I couldn't careless what someone wants to title themselves.

I couldn't care less what a person wants to call themselves either. But this thread isn't about what they call themselves, it's about what they are insisting a child calls them.

Yep. It keeps coming back to that.

This is what a school is allowing to happen as well. The school is supporting this teacher to do this.

And why not?

It is basic manners to address someone how they wish to be addressed.

And this is bigoted. Because not all trans identifying people are the same. I've worked with many. Never seen any react in the way you describe.

No it's compelling children to go along with an ideology.

Department of Education Guidance clearly states that no child or adult should be compelled to use gendered language such as preferred pronouns when it comes to a child. It is hard to see how it can therefore be argued that a child must use such language when it comes to a teacher.

The parent should complain. Ideological beliefs should have no place in schools. Teachers are there to teach not to push an agenda on children.

There is absolutely no reason that a child should be forced to use Mix. The child can just say 'here' when responding to the register.

Gender concepts are regressive and damaging IMO and I want her to know that how you look or your personality doesn’t define your ‘gender’

Yes quite which may well be why this teacher doesn’t want a gendered title. Just Mx which doesn’t refer either to sex or gender.

Same. There’s a married teacher at my school who gets annoyed at students calling her Miss and insists on Mrs + surname. It’s a bit OTT, imo. Kids accidentally call me mum, sir, couldn’t care less. I’m obviously female, married but realise that my groups have 6 teachers a day so of course there’s the occasional mis speak.

Mix?!?! What absolute nonsense! These clowns cannot just create their own aspects of the English language for heaven’s sake!
I’d be contacting the teacher and saying that it’s against your own (& your daughter’s) beliefs and that she will not be partaking in her role play

The teacher also has stated that they expect they/them pronouns. It is not just the title.

The non binary bit clearly passed you by!

This is an ideological stance on the part of the teacher. It should not be supported in school.

Schools are absolutely terrified of the stink these people can kick up and potential legal action. They need very clear and robust guidance and law to protect them from this madness.

But it isn't, and you know that. If I ask you to call me Dr and you know I'm not any kind of Dr, are you going to call me Dr anyway, because it's "basic manners"? What if I tell you I'm a religious leader and my title is Mother Superior, will you address me as such because it's basic manners?

I very much doubt it.