To say something now or leave it to see if I hear from the school - DD misgendered a teacher

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

DD is 11 in year 7. She had a non-binary teacher who she has to refer to as ‘Mx Surname’ (pronounced Mix). When she started she said “It’s obvious she’s a woman as she has boobs and a woman’s voice” but that they were told they must only refer to her as Mx. She thought it was a load of nonsense (as do I) but I told her that it’s best not to ruffle feathers and just go along with it because I don’t want her to be in trouble but I thought I’d have to keep a beady eye out for any problems.

On Friday afternoon she came back from school panicking because she accidentally called this teacher Miss when doing the register. They have to say “Here Mx” when their names are called and she said “Here Miss”. The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on. DD said she (DD) went bright red and felt embarrassed.

I have gone back and forth over the weekend, I’m really torn between saying something and leaving it because I don’t want DD to be a target because I’ve pissed a teacher off, or just be labelled a horrible bigot (let’s face it school will not see my POV). It’s a subject she absolutely adores as well so I don’t want her to have any backlash because she struggles with certain subjects and so lives for the few she enjoys including this one.

So Im wondering if I should email the school saying children should not be shamed for “misgendering”, this person is an adult and should be a bit more resilient and not expect children to put aide their subconscious and shirk reality, or should I wait to see if there’s any backlash before doing that? Obviously if there is I’ll defend DD to the hilt but I am thinking about getting ahead of the game as the whole thing really pisses me off.

YABU = say something now
YANBU = wait it out

And lying about a persons sex is known to be harmful to children. Being polite about a persons body weight doesn't bear any risks.

Unless you don't think that single sex spaces are ever important for children?

Clearly this teacher isn't a risk (that we can see) but she is supportive of an ideology that puts males in women's single sex spaces simply on their belief that they are 'women'.

Well that's racist.

Holding gender critical beliefs is a perfectly legal belief system. You are now engaging in frankly ridiculous whataboutery to support the lowering of safeguarding boundaries for children.

No human can comply another human to believe that they are the opposite sex or have no sex.

This ideology is demonstrably harmful to children and has no place in a school setting as it holds massive safeguarding risks.

As a matter of interest, holding racist views is a perfectly legal belief system. Your point is?

I actually agree with a lot of what you say, but I don't think school is the place to say it.

Apologies I missed this.

Thank goodness the Department of Education supports the fact that no child or adult should be compelled to use pronouns/ gendered language then isn't it.

Safeguarding of children should be paramount.

Absolutely shocking that teachers would attempt to impose their ideology on children.

But they are not being compelled to state the alternative.

Exactly.

It's a type of gas lighting.

It's getting into behaviour typified by cults and autocracies/dictatorships.

"The king is the best, most handsome, most wonderful king ever, he's appointed by God (please don't punish me)".

"Miss Dickhead is non binary, not female and her correct title is Mx. (please don't tell me off in front of the class. Please don't hold it against me in school).

This school is a fucking disgrace. If adults are not compelled to use kids' chosen pronouns, then kids should not be compelled tm.use adults chosen pronouns - not that these are even pronouns, it's a honorific title that makes no sense when not used in written form/where there is no anonymity.

They're making a farce out of these kids' school experiences.

Holding racist views might be but being racist isn't.

There is statutory guidance for schools to adopt in the event that racism occurs.

https://researchbriefings.files.parliament.uk/documents/CDP-2023-0049/CDP-2023-0049.pdf

And I'm absolutely astounded that you are comparing a child being racist which should be actionable with sanctions by the school with a child refusing to adopt compelled gendered language, which a school cannot action as a child cannot be compelled to use gendered language.

I'm not often shocked.

I think you hit the nail on the head with the Whataboutery comment.

So many posters on this thread who love analogies; for things that are not analogous.

So many gotchas, that aren't.

When it comes to child safeguarding the child's needs should be centred not the belief system of an adult.

People have lost their minds on this when it comes to gendered belief systems.

It never fails to surprise me how many people come on this threads trying to support children lowering their boundaries to support a harmful belief system. Especially with the mounting evidence that this belief system causes harm to children.

Thank goodness the tide on this is turning.

Honestly we will as a society look back on this in astonishment. Child safeguarding should be paramount.

Gender Ideology is very much a religion. Richard Dawkins - the eminent Evolutionary Biologist and atheist - calls it a cult. He is right.

Firstly, Wikipedia is entirely trans captured. They reverse any edits made by feminists and Gender Criticals, they refuse to post links to factual studies that go against the pro-trans narrative even when that study is by the Mayo Clinic, and the head moderator is a transwoman. So, consider the source, as they say.

Secondly, believing in sex-based reality and womens sex-based rights and spaces isn't 'hate' or 'prejudice'.

Lastly, JK has INCREASED her fanbase since becoming a major feminist. She lost some supporters but gained some at least 50-fold. She is more respected now for her feminism and work with womens rights, than as an author.

It is not a valid analogy. The immigrant issue is a matter of opinion. Whether the teacher is biologically female is not. "Sir" and "miss" are about sex, not gender behaviour. And they and "mx" aren’t pronouns anyway.

Because the types like the teacher usually do massively overreact and make a huge drama out of their 'pronouns not being respected'. That's why. These types are usually very vindictive. Experience shows us this.

I've known people, years ago, who wanted to us Mx simply because it's gender neutral, and they found gendered titles old fashioned.

I think some are being oversensitive about this tbh.

This is weird. No one is asking OP or her child to pretend this teacher doesn't have a vagina, a feminine voice or female secondary sexual characteristics. If youve guessed those are what that person has, then good for you I suppose - although a very strange thing to be so hung up on. Gross to think about this teavhers pribate areas, but you can if you like i guess. Theres no thought police. Anyway. You're just being asked to refer to them by a different word and not talk about their genitals or sexual characteristics. That's fair.

I get the trans debate when it matters, like in sports or somewhere else where there might be harm done. But this is silly. The teacher is Mx, your daughter slipped up, got corrected, and the world kept turning. Your daughter should use Mx and apologise.

Any other topic and we'd be screaming to not be defined by our genitals yet OP seems to want to teach her daughter to concentrate on those when talking with people. Creepy.

Non-binary genders are hundreds of years before us, and we're the absolute norm in many cultures across history. People say accept there are two sexes only and its obvious which someone is... okay, even if that's true (it's not, you'd be shocked if you actually tested everyone's chromosomes) gender can still be different. Society is once again allowing it, its not a new thing.

Just get over it, I guess is what I'm saying.

Probably a very young/trainee teacher? I've taught kids for a year and realised they didn't know my name! They just call everyone "Miss" regardless of name or Miss/Ms/Mrs etc - and sometimes sir or mum as others have pointed out.

I think you'd be fair to say something, only 12 weeks in year 7 they're so little still, they're just about used to moving from one classroom to another let alone remembering they have to change routine from "yes Miss" to "yes Mx". And some teachers would call it rude to just say yes/here during the register (I don't mind at all) - just adding as to why it's probably not in her routine. We also get told ways to avoid calling kids out for something unnecessarily in front of everyone eg a whole class reminder or private word if it's really necessary.

Of course the OP doesn't want her child to concentrate on the teachers genitals. What an absurd suggestion. As if it's necessary to think about genitals in order to identify a person's sex, which is blatantly obvious within minutes of their acquaintance whatever they wear or call themselves. You are deliberately focusing on that as an in to use the word 'creepy' to insult GC people. Which is an extremely tired technique of barrel scraping to shame them when 'dinosaur' doesn't work.

It's not the wrong word though. It's something this woman has chosen to do.

This. Utterly ridiculous.

Why do gender ideology supporters go on about genitals all the time? It’s very weird.

No you didn’t

the ridiculous Mx wasn’t around “years” ago

Gender critical views are worthy of respect in a democratic society as upheld by the judiciary in this land. Racist beliefs are not.

Why do activists always bring this to a persons genitals? No one has mentioned genitals on this thread apart from you.

We can identify a persons sex, almost instantly with near 100% accuracy, on just a fleeting glance.

As stated upthread this teacher is part of an ideology that encourages children to lower boundaries and to actively lie about what they see. If they are told they are compelled to use the Mix honorific then what other lies might they be encouraged to tell?

This is an ideology that particularly harms girls. We already KNOW that girls are being told that some boys ARE girls and that their own privacy and dignity is less important that the trans girls' desire to be in a single sex space for females. There is nothing positive about teaching girls that they cannot say no to a class of males the minute they say that they possess 'girl gender'. It is not consistent with normal consent and safeguarding. They are told to put up and shut up with males in their spaces and sports.

So it is absolutely right that as a society we should stamp down on this form of compelled speech in an education setting.

What this teacher thinks about their own gender is entirely up to them. They should not be imposing it on the classroom. And as stated several times it is unnecessary in any event. The same goal of completing the register can be done without compelling the child to validate the teachers identity.

OP Safe Schools Alliance might be a useful resource here. https://safeschoolsallianceuk.net/

This happened to my DC, accidentally - and I DO believe it was accidentally as we’re a LGBTQ family- called a teacher ‘sir’ and was told to leave the classroom.
The teacher in question wears female clothes, prefers to be called by their first name but has long hair and a beard.

The pastoral team were great, and spoke with the teacher in question, a trainee who ended up not staying with the school anyway.

The misuse of the word pronouns in this thread is crazy. Miss, Mrs, Mr, Mx etc. Are not pronouns they are titles. Him/he, her/she, they/them are pronouns.

Yes absolutely.

The idea that people not kowtowing to gender ideology is akin to racism is one of the regular activist strategies.

It is not bigoted at all to understand that all humans have a sex and that when it comes to certain things in society sex is extremely important, especially when it comes to the safety and dignity of females and the protection of children from harm.

Suggesting it is akin to a racist belief is yet another attempt to shut down conversation.

When this comes down to child safeguarding issues i find that frankly disgusting.