To say something now or leave it to see if I hear from the school - DD misgendered a teacher

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

DD is 11 in year 7. She had a non-binary teacher who she has to refer to as ‘Mx Surname’ (pronounced Mix). When she started she said “It’s obvious she’s a woman as she has boobs and a woman’s voice” but that they were told they must only refer to her as Mx. She thought it was a load of nonsense (as do I) but I told her that it’s best not to ruffle feathers and just go along with it because I don’t want her to be in trouble but I thought I’d have to keep a beady eye out for any problems.

On Friday afternoon she came back from school panicking because she accidentally called this teacher Miss when doing the register. They have to say “Here Mx” when their names are called and she said “Here Miss”. The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on. DD said she (DD) went bright red and felt embarrassed.

I have gone back and forth over the weekend, I’m really torn between saying something and leaving it because I don’t want DD to be a target because I’ve pissed a teacher off, or just be labelled a horrible bigot (let’s face it school will not see my POV). It’s a subject she absolutely adores as well so I don’t want her to have any backlash because she struggles with certain subjects and so lives for the few she enjoys including this one.

So Im wondering if I should email the school saying children should not be shamed for “misgendering”, this person is an adult and should be a bit more resilient and not expect children to put aide their subconscious and shirk reality, or should I wait to see if there’s any backlash before doing that? Obviously if there is I’ll defend DD to the hilt but I am thinking about getting ahead of the game as the whole thing really pisses me off.

YABU = say something now
YANBU = wait it out

Quite

But stop telling DD at home that you think it’s ridiculous. It’s truly none of your business

Children are always their parents and guardians' business.

So no attempt to define what non -binary is?

Just the dictionary definition of religion?

I know what religion is, thanks. I also know that there are 2 biological sexes.

To me thinking that you are not one of those sexes or that you are the opposite one to your sexed body really isn't that different to a belief in a 'superhuman' power. After all it is not actually possible to change sex or to be sexless.

Expecting society to adhere to a belief system which you can't even define is quasi religious. I can no more grasp that notion of 'gender' than I can someone's belief in god.

So we should compel children to lie about the sex of adults.

And you believe that would demonstrate tolerance?

Tolerance would be ignoring the mistake made by a child who used the wrong pronoun. Not making an example of her in front of the class.

Tolerance would be not imposing an ideology on children in schools in the first place.

I mean, seriously, this teacher can believe what they like about themselves but it has no place whatsoever in the classroom.

Gender and sex are not the same thing. Asking to be referred to by a pronoun which does not denote sex is not denying someones sex. No one claims sex can be changed. HTH.

If you can't grasp the idea of gender I really don't know how to help you because it's a very simple concept.

What is it with the recent anger against anyone who isn't a straight up he/she on Mumsnet? The sheer hatred for these people? You're all using the exact same terms over and over like reading from a play book "immutable" "compel" seems to be a particularly popular one and "gender ideology". If you search TERF on Wikipedia all these terms are there as things they like to talk about, it's literally like a script. No one is trying to compel anyone to say anything. People are asking for tolerance and respect for people who may feel differently to you.

TERF has been a derogatory terms for years and cost J.K Rowling a large chunk of her fan base but on MN recently people are proudly declaring themselves TERFs. It's shocking. Like proudly proclaiming you are ageist or homophobic or racist. I can't wrap my head around why people are proud of their prejudice.

So please, show me where the tolerance in this stance is if you think asking people to address you as you wish to be addressed is intolerant. Most people would call it basic manners.

It's not a new invention it's been around since the 1970s

and cost J.K Rowling a large chunk of her fan base

Not the better chunk.

And I'm sure she feels she can do without fans like that.

Besides, she's probably gained a new chunk.

Made up thread

Well good I'm glad that you understand that gender and sex are not the same.

But do tell me if they are not the same why people do who claim to be a different gender to their sexed bodies claim the SEX based rights of people of the opposite sex who they claim the 'gender' of?

If we accept that trans women are male sex (they are) then they should have no place in women's sex based spaces.

And why are people modifying their bodies to attempt to look like the opposite sex? Why are children being told that arresting the development of their sexed bodies by taking puberty blockers is the answer to their 'gender identity issues'?

Women have been discriminated against through the ages on the basis of gendered assumptions relating to the presumed reproductive capabilities of our sexed bodies. We try to avoid 'gender' for this reason rather than embrace it's regressive stereotypes?

And by the way you can call women with questions TERF all you like. I just don't care. None of this makes sense. It's not 'progressive' it's putting people back into stereotyped boxes.

I have no tolerance for belief systems that actively harm women and children, including gay people who are told that sex based attraction should be replaced by gender based attraction - female penis a-ok lesbians? If not you're the problem? No thanks.

This has nothing to do with hatred or homophobia and you are being emotionally manipulative by suggesting this is what this is.

Think yourself lucky, I got called Grandad, in my early twenties...

<Sigh>

I don't get why the register needs to be answered in that way at all. Present or even "here" would do the job. It sounds very affirming to get an entire class to all repeat Mx one after the other.

I'm pretty sure this post is transphobic

Well, if OTHER children are being deliberately provocative, then she needs to deal with them. Not a child who has made ONE mistake in 12 weeks.

But frankly, she presents as a woman, WTF should these children have to over ride what the SEE & use Mx to pander an adult??

saying miss, instead of mix, it an easy mistake to made when they're calling female teachers miss all day.

its entirely unreasonable to put pressure on them to use a title that is not commonly used, and doesn't reflect what they see. To pander to this woman who thinks saying she's binary should over ride what they think/know and frankly after discussing this all day I'm finding myself even more sure she should not be in a classroom. Find a different job & stop pushing this agenda on children!

Miss, Mx, Mr and Mrs aren't pronouns

Like 80% of the extraneous nonsense that teachers are forced to deal with they probably hate it, 'What's today's pronoun' sounds ridiculous but as any minority can push their agenda it could come.
About 30 years ago my OH had a boy in his class, about 9/10 years old who insisted he was a dog and spent a lot of time sitting under OH's desk, once he realised he was being ignored he soon decided he wasn't a dog.

Total Bunch of crap. We should not pander to to utter nonsense

Pretty much the most tolerant since time began, yes.

No thank you

EVERYTHING IS TRANSPHOBIC

Speak to the Head.

Pronouns. What a load of absolute tosh. Tell the Head we do not have compelled speech in this country and your DD is under no obligation to go along with this crap.

are traitors to their sex

🤣🤣🤣🤣
What a load of shite.
I think that's genuinely one of the funniest things I've read on these types of threads.
"GC" people say it's people like the teacher who overreact and go on about "hurty feelz" and then hypocritically come out with dramatic, over the top nonsense about their own feels about their sex.