To say something now or leave it to see if I hear from the school - DD misgendered a teacher

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

DD is 11 in year 7. She had a non-binary teacher who she has to refer to as ‘Mx Surname’ (pronounced Mix). When she started she said “It’s obvious she’s a woman as she has boobs and a woman’s voice” but that they were told they must only refer to her as Mx. She thought it was a load of nonsense (as do I) but I told her that it’s best not to ruffle feathers and just go along with it because I don’t want her to be in trouble but I thought I’d have to keep a beady eye out for any problems.

On Friday afternoon she came back from school panicking because she accidentally called this teacher Miss when doing the register. They have to say “Here Mx” when their names are called and she said “Here Miss”. The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on. DD said she (DD) went bright red and felt embarrassed.

I have gone back and forth over the weekend, I’m really torn between saying something and leaving it because I don’t want DD to be a target because I’ve pissed a teacher off, or just be labelled a horrible bigot (let’s face it school will not see my POV). It’s a subject she absolutely adores as well so I don’t want her to have any backlash because she struggles with certain subjects and so lives for the few she enjoys including this one.

So Im wondering if I should email the school saying children should not be shamed for “misgendering”, this person is an adult and should be a bit more resilient and not expect children to put aide their subconscious and shirk reality, or should I wait to see if there’s any backlash before doing that? Obviously if there is I’ll defend DD to the hilt but I am thinking about getting ahead of the game as the whole thing really pisses me off.

YABU = say something now
YANBU = wait it out

Well what is it then?

Can you explain?

I've never had anyone explain exactly what non binary is. So it is reasonable to conclude that it is based upon based upon a belief system that not everyone shares.

So in the way that some people believe in the existence of god they may also believe that they possess a gendered soul.

An individual may truly believe that they have a gendered soul, that's on them, what they cannot do is impose or compel that belief on others.

To me that is no different from any other unmeasurable religious belief.

But as PP point out - these are not pronouns, they are titles and honorifics.

As such I'll use whatever people ask socially - I may judge internally if its a daft self selected title, but unless its a protected title or misleading/dishonest I'll use whatever they want.
I agree there are often good reasons for obscuring sex but the use of Mx in this scenario bears no resemblance to its original design to obscure sex and marital status on forms and in letters etc (which never really took off anyway).

None of the titles discussed are pronouns - pronouns should be fact based. Apparently the teacher in this scenario did not know the difference between a pronoun and a title - hopefully not an English Language teacher.

Why are you following me around this thread, repeatedly quoting me unnecessarily (because there's no point being made, just a two word sarky challenge), inserting images of deleted posts of mine, and (weirdly) quoting yourself posting at me?

But until about 5 minutes ago, relatively speaking, 'she' has always denoted a person of the female sex and'he' a person of the male sex. Just because a tiny proportion of humans have decided that people should be defined by gender (i.e. a set of outdated sex-based stereotypes and personality traits) rather than what sex they factually are, that doesn't mean that the rest of humanity have to go along with it. What does 'changing gender' even mean?

the use of Mx in this scenario bears no resemblance to its original design to obscure sex and marital status on forms and in letters etc (which never really took off anyway)

Exactly.

Are you an alternative account being used by poster who was presumably banned or suspended?

Because I don't understand this vendetta otherwise.

No, ideology is an umbrella of which religion is one part, gender is another but follows the same structure in the sense that it requires human belief to make it a reality.

I'm a big fan of respecting pronouns and using the name people ask for but as a teacher I've been called 'Miss, Sir, Ma'am, mum' and all sorts and it doesn't really matter. I haven't been 'Miss' in over a decade but it's still how they respond to the register in the main.

because it’s impossible for you to believe their could be other cultures/ societies more tolerant in many ways than ours? And we could perhaps learn from that?
heaven forbid- they must be homophobic.

But it is a belief…

It’s all made up bollocks darling. Until 8-10 years ago sex and gender were synonyms.

you can put on a dress but you’re still Dave.

This is abusive and completely inappropriate from the teacher concerned. They have no business forcing children to take part in their fictional identity, especially in a classroom. I would be complaining to the headteacher and requesting this member of staff be told in no uncertain terms that they have no right to force their ideological beliefs onto the children in her classroom.

Dictionary
Definitions from Oxford Languages · Learn more
Religion noun

The belief in and worship of a superhuman power or powers, especially a God or gods.
"ideas about the relationship between science and religion"

If you aren't an alternative account for the poster who got suspended/banned, your investment in my posts - in response to the poster who got banned - is inexplicably intense/fixated and quite malicious; it's bizarre.

I would therefore take your own advice.

You might find it helps to stop repeatedly quoting me and posting at me.

This thread needs no further derailing.

Maybe more than one person thinks the magic gender fairy is bullshit?

I've lived in many other cultures, and my suspicion would be that a "third sex" or beyond may well be linked to issues with same sex sexual relations and relationships in certain societies.

(And I think we have an incredibly tolerant culture.

Too tolerant in fact; hence this utter nonsense in this school with teachers forcing the use of honorifics that were intended for written use and never came into common usage - as verbal honorifics to denote their specific gender identity).

The poster who got banned/suspended and this poster were arguing against your arguments AFAICT.

What a funny world we live in. Perhaps if the teacher had laughed it off it wouldn't have been such an issue

And I think we have an incredibly tolerant culture

Right

I'm Ms (married, didn't change name), but get called Miss and Mrs regularly. It makes no difference to me. It is self-indulgent to get fussed about it. A PP's right that plenty of teachers probably secretly hope there'll be complaints. But I'm not sure it's worth engaging with. Could your dd change class?

Please show me where the tolerance is on this thread.

I can't imagine someone who's resurrected some obscure honorific gender neutral title that was intended for written use (and is made totally irrelevant by sight/contact with a person) .... and had the naval gazing entitlement & pedantry to insist an entire school uses it to speak to her; has a great laid back sense of humour.

Quite the opposite.

(Sorry, I've somehow quoted the wrong post. Not sure how that happened.
I had tried to quote this;

"What a funny world we live in. Perhaps if the teacher had laughed it off it wouldn't have been such an issue*)

YANBU
I can't believe the teacher pulled her up for using the wrong title. Children say Miss for Mrs and vice versa (as do some adults).