To say something now or leave it to see if I hear from the school - DD misgendered a teacher

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

DD is 11 in year 7. She had a non-binary teacher who she has to refer to as ‘Mx Surname’ (pronounced Mix). When she started she said “It’s obvious she’s a woman as she has boobs and a woman’s voice” but that they were told they must only refer to her as Mx. She thought it was a load of nonsense (as do I) but I told her that it’s best not to ruffle feathers and just go along with it because I don’t want her to be in trouble but I thought I’d have to keep a beady eye out for any problems.

On Friday afternoon she came back from school panicking because she accidentally called this teacher Miss when doing the register. They have to say “Here Mx” when their names are called and she said “Here Miss”. The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on. DD said she (DD) went bright red and felt embarrassed.

I have gone back and forth over the weekend, I’m really torn between saying something and leaving it because I don’t want DD to be a target because I’ve pissed a teacher off, or just be labelled a horrible bigot (let’s face it school will not see my POV). It’s a subject she absolutely adores as well so I don’t want her to have any backlash because she struggles with certain subjects and so lives for the few she enjoys including this one.

So Im wondering if I should email the school saying children should not be shamed for “misgendering”, this person is an adult and should be a bit more resilient and not expect children to put aide their subconscious and shirk reality, or should I wait to see if there’s any backlash before doing that? Obviously if there is I’ll defend DD to the hilt but I am thinking about getting ahead of the game as the whole thing really pisses me off.

YABU = say something now
YANBU = wait it out

I did!! I think my phone learned a new word today & now wants to keep using it 🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

"No, I wouldn't be removing my child.

I'd be fighting this.

I'd be taking it to the press.

I'd be legally challenging it.

And I'd have plenty of support.

Thanks so much for the suggestion though.

This is a national level issue too, of course."

Well you wouldn't get very far as the teacher is protected by the Equality Act 2010, including the right to use preferred pronouns.

Eh, the Equality Act does not confer any right for a teacher to impose preferred language on their students.

Where are you getting such nonsense from?

I think you're massively over-thinking it. Your DD made a small error and was corrected fairly gently. If a teacher held a grudge over every child they had to correct in a day, they'd hate everyone.

As someone else said, tutting and stewing about it at home isn't going to help. Your DD is going to meet plenty of people in life that she thinks are a bit weird. But learning to muddle along with people you don't really "get" is just part of life.

In all honesty, your suggested email to the school would just make you sound like a bit of a twat, and heaven help anyone who dares to correct your angel-child.

“The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!”

But Miss or Mx or Mr aren’t pronouns.
They are honorifics / titles.

I would have thought a teacher would know that. 🤔

Brilliant.

We all fell down that pit!!

I suggest you read one the earlier posts in the thread outlining the letter they'd send to the head.

Rights are an interactive thing i.e. there is always a balancing act between the rights of different (and overlapping) groups of people.

This could be challenged or amended.

Acts are not set in stone. They can always be amended. The are a work in progress over time.

In any case, in my region something like this would sink a school, through parents and the press. And every school wants lots of pupils. They try to desperately recruit them. Otherwise, the school and everyone's jobs are in danger. And teaching jobs here are like gold dust. Plus who wants to be associated with a failed/closed school.

There is always more than one way to skin a cat. Teachers can be let go for all sorts of reasons that they don't be able to effectively disprove.

"Eh, the Equality Act does not confer any right for a teacher to impose preferred language on their students.

Where are you getting such nonsense from?"

I look forward to your campaign. When are you starting?

Not read the whole thread yet, so may have missed a drip feed I guess, but that seems like a lot more fuss than this situation warrants. I’m sorry the child was embarrassed but she did get it wrong 🤷‍♀️

It’s not even a pronoun though.

It’s an honorific. A title.

I would leave it.

If you strongly feel this teacher is being unreasonable. I'd suggest you get enough support from the parents of her fellow classmates. Then each individually ask your child be moved class, just stating you don't consider the teaher and pupil a good fit. Nothing at all about the teachers beliefs. If enough of you do it, then the teacher would have to reconsider her stance or move jobs.

Well that's one the most alarmist and unscientific things I've read in a bloody long time.

I've been called all sorts by multiple pupils.

Mum, dad, random name that isn't mine.

I don't even comment.

It's preferable to the times I'm called bitch or cunt!

I think this is sensible, speaking as a fully fledged, Forstater donating TERF. Sit back for now.

If someone is ideologically opposed to saying “Mx” or some other non-gendered honorific perhaps the best response would be to answer without reference to the teacher’s name at all?

I agree with not teaching children to lie, so if using “Mx” crosses that boundary for someone then perhaps not referencing the name at all may be the only way forward.

No, the two are not the same of course. But I think it does need stressing that this woman is not just asking for a gender neutral form of address - she identifies as non binary and is therefore a (harmless, innocent, who is she hurting?) proponant of the ideology that does result in men in women's spaces. If we go along with a decent, female teacher's wish to be considered to be not the sex she is, how can we object to any man who wants to be considered a woman having his wishes accommodated?

This. God help us if this is normal for teachers. 🤷‍♀️

"This. God help us if this is normal for teachers. 🤷‍♀️"

This is what the teacher said : “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on.

God help us, really?

She wasn't punished or humiliated, just reminded.

It just doesn't give teachers these rights.

There is the pc of gender reassignment which I am assuming you are referring to.

Please tell me precisely how that PC gives a teacher the right to compel her students to call her Mx?

I'll wait.

Well you wouldn't get very far as the teacher is protected by the Equality Act 2010, including the right to use preferred pronouns.

The teacher hasn't transitioned so this doesn't count

It does count.

It's being in the process of transition that engages the EA.

But there's no suggestion the teacher here is trans. Just that they use a gender neutral honorific.

I mean just imagine the teacher trying to raise a claim under the Equality Act against an 11 year old for correctly sexing them.

Laughable claim.

I'd actually love to see the teacher try it.

The courts are already having to wrangle over the fact that gender activists have made the word 'woman' a legal dispute, the whole thing is a pile of nonsense. No one has the right under any Act of Parliament to compel the speech of a child.

This is true. :D

I'd taken over as Head of Dept and the young lady wasn't terribly happy about it.