To say something now or leave it to see if I hear from the school - DD misgendered a teacher

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

DD is 11 in year 7. She had a non-binary teacher who she has to refer to as ‘Mx Surname’ (pronounced Mix). When she started she said “It’s obvious she’s a woman as she has boobs and a woman’s voice” but that they were told they must only refer to her as Mx. She thought it was a load of nonsense (as do I) but I told her that it’s best not to ruffle feathers and just go along with it because I don’t want her to be in trouble but I thought I’d have to keep a beady eye out for any problems.

On Friday afternoon she came back from school panicking because she accidentally called this teacher Miss when doing the register. They have to say “Here Mx” when their names are called and she said “Here Miss”. The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on. DD said she (DD) went bright red and felt embarrassed.

I have gone back and forth over the weekend, I’m really torn between saying something and leaving it because I don’t want DD to be a target because I’ve pissed a teacher off, or just be labelled a horrible bigot (let’s face it school will not see my POV). It’s a subject she absolutely adores as well so I don’t want her to have any backlash because she struggles with certain subjects and so lives for the few she enjoys including this one.

So Im wondering if I should email the school saying children should not be shamed for “misgendering”, this person is an adult and should be a bit more resilient and not expect children to put aide their subconscious and shirk reality, or should I wait to see if there’s any backlash before doing that? Obviously if there is I’ll defend DD to the hilt but I am thinking about getting ahead of the game as the whole thing really pisses me off.

YABU = say something now
YANBU = wait it out

Yes I do really think that humans are either male or female, do you not?

Never heard of it either

Do point at the transphobia?

In case you did not notice, the Emperess has no clothes on and we can all see he has a cock and balls

Tipping point has been reached

I'd suggestyour daughter and other pupils just start calling the person 'Teacher'. That way, He/She/Mx or whatever cannot object as it is entirely gender neutral.

"Lying hurts.

This is lying."

It's a title. Like Mr, Miss, Dr or Rev. You wouldn't care if the teacher chose one of those.

Ideally, what would you like the school, trust or LEA to force this teacher to do? To choose a different title, that upsets her and makes no difference at all to you? Or something else?

It can be a title, and still a lie.

It's a lie

We don't teach our kids to lie

Except in the case of non binary titles and pronouns, the disclosure happens regardless. The children know their teacher is a woman, so the refusal to disclose that by her title seems rather unnecessary.

To choose a different title, that upsets her

Perhaps she should examine the reasons why a title that denotes her as a female upsets her; when she is in fact a female.

Rather than put the onus on others, particularly children, not to upset her.

And this.

Now trans people are “traitors to their sex”. I thought I had heard it all.

It's the manner in which it was done. I'm speaking as a teacher whose name is often mangled.

When I was still using my maiden name, it was something along the lines of "Pavlović". I'd regularly get variations: Pavlovick, Pablovitch, Pablobick...I'd just say "It's actually 'Pavloveech'" and hope for the best thereafter.

(I did once get "Pavlobitch" behind my back... That was the only deliberate mispronunciation and I had a wry smile at that one.)

"It can be a title, and still a lie.

It's a lie

We don't teach our kids to lie."

Use the title the teacher prefers. This is not a lie. If her title was 'dr' you wouldn't demand her PhD certificate.

And you probably do teach your kids to lie, it is only on this matter that you are so affronted.

Don't they thank relatives for gifts when they don't like them, tell baby brother he's really good at football? Manners, politeness, respect.

But if you are supporting unbridled truth in schools, regardless of hurt feelings, then I hope teachers are allowed to do that too.

Do point at the transphobia?

Just laughable. Laughable. Makes me want to bang my head against a wall or scream into a pillow

Personally I can sort of see the refusal to disclose by title might be thought unnecessary but to conflate a woman wanting to use a neutral pronoun with men in women's spaces is nonsense on stilts....

It's a title. Like Mr, Miss, Dr or Rev. You wouldn't care if the teacher chose one of those.

I would care if a female teacher chose to be called Mr (and I would likewise care if a male teacher chose to be called Miss").

It would suggest a denial of biological reality that I wound not want my child to be subjected to, while young and vulnerable.

@WearyAuldWumman Are you even a teacher if your name hasn't been bastardised into something rude. 🤗

This is ridiculous! I feel sorry for the kids who genuinely may forget as I expect I would too. As a teacher you have to understand they’re kids, you can’t take offence to a mistake like that. It must happen all the time! They are in the wrong profession!!

She didn't take offence. She said :

“Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on.

I wonder how many times people do this - by accident, on purpose, with a smirk. I wonder how often op's dd has done it.

A polite response imo, and I wonder if it will in fact make op's dd more likely to remember.

Oh no, I'm not at great pains - it's happened entirely naturally as others have echoed the arguments that she viciously insulted ...... and as a poster accused those who disagree with this teacher's behaviour of being consumed with rage and of being terfs ..... While the only rage shown was from a poster on the opposite side of the argument, the "non Terf".

"It would suggest a denial of biological reality that I wound not want my child to be subjected to, while young and vulnerable."

Luckily, you are not in charge of a school and are at liberty to remove your child if you disagree with the way it is run.

Expecting others to accommodate our delusions and self-indulgences isn't particularly reasonable.

I'd have an informal chat with the head, perhaps, flagging your concerns.

I've never seen that before. He's a great lad isn't he. Sounds much older than he is too. I'm going to go & have a look at what he's up to now, I hope it hasn't held him back.

No, I wouldn't be removing my child.

I'd be fighting this.

I'd be taking it to the press.

I'd be legally challenging it.

And I'd have plenty of support.

Thanks so much for the suggestion though.

This is a national level issue too, of course.