To say something now or leave it to see if I hear from the school - DD misgendered a teacher

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

DD is 11 in year 7. She had a non-binary teacher who she has to refer to as ‘Mx Surname’ (pronounced Mix). When she started she said “It’s obvious she’s a woman as she has boobs and a woman’s voice” but that they were told they must only refer to her as Mx. She thought it was a load of nonsense (as do I) but I told her that it’s best not to ruffle feathers and just go along with it because I don’t want her to be in trouble but I thought I’d have to keep a beady eye out for any problems.

On Friday afternoon she came back from school panicking because she accidentally called this teacher Miss when doing the register. They have to say “Here Mx” when their names are called and she said “Here Miss”. The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on. DD said she (DD) went bright red and felt embarrassed.

I have gone back and forth over the weekend, I’m really torn between saying something and leaving it because I don’t want DD to be a target because I’ve pissed a teacher off, or just be labelled a horrible bigot (let’s face it school will not see my POV). It’s a subject she absolutely adores as well so I don’t want her to have any backlash because she struggles with certain subjects and so lives for the few she enjoys including this one.

So Im wondering if I should email the school saying children should not be shamed for “misgendering”, this person is an adult and should be a bit more resilient and not expect children to put aide their subconscious and shirk reality, or should I wait to see if there’s any backlash before doing that? Obviously if there is I’ll defend DD to the hilt but I am thinking about getting ahead of the game as the whole thing really pisses me off.

YABU = say something now
YANBU = wait it out

Well then the op's DD should identify as a squirrel, and report her teacher everytime she "disrespects" her by not treating her like a squirrel.

Disrespected? It was a slip of the tongue.

I've had children accidentally calling me "Mrs" when I was a "Miss" and vice-versa. This is no different.

No, you'd be telling her that a woman's (or any person) choices should be respected.

Perhaps declining to specify one's gender in person may be pointless (a matter of opinion of course) but could it not have value in correspondence? I see no particular reason why someone in an office somewhere needs to know one's sex before deciding how to respond.

I know you want to believe that its a 'right wing' backlash, but it is actually left wing feminists.

And pretending a person can change sex is nowhere near in the same stratosphere as something as natural as left handedness or being LGB.

And you know it.

Identify as a squirrel @StrawberryDream24?
That’s nuts

I'm glad to have company in the "place where brains go to die" - according to. @BrightonFrock .

Apparently stating this means we are idiots, brain dead and intellectually inferior to her.

The amount of TERFism and unbridled rage over pronouns on Mumsnet really has reached shocking levels.

I wish that I could share some of the ways that kids have mangled my surname without outing myself. Some of those howlers were absolutely hilarious...and no, no offence was taken.

Really?!? Well it's great you're so perfect and have never made a mistake.

I'm a teacher (female) and when doing the register, have had "yes miss", "yes sir" and even "yes mum".

They don't do it deliberately, they get it wrong because they're tired. ESPECIALLY this time of year! Especially earlier in the day.

@EvilsElsasPetSnowman I think you should contact the school and say how unfair it was for this teacher to humiliate your daughter in front of the entire class for something that was easily done. I'm assuming she only sees this teacher once or twice a week, so it's not surprising she forgot.

Calling a teacher "Mix" is just weird. I'd struggle with that. I'd just go with "yes teacher" which would be perfectly acceptable.

"It’s deluded and children should not be forced or shamed into going along with it."

Reminds me of my old bosses in the 80s who said pretty much this about women who wanted to be known as 'ms'.

Who exactly does it hurt, to address someone how they want to be addressed. Teachers have to remember hundreds of names, including shortened and preferred names. Students are quick to correct us if we get it wrong. I certainly always apologise and correct myself if I get it wrong. If op's dd can't cope with what the teacher said - went home panicking in fact if op is to be believed - then she's got a long rough road ahead of her.

I'm sure the slip was accidental but doubt she went home 'panicking.' Went home to get mum frothing and agreeing that it's all nonsense more like.

Terf is the laziest and most irrelevant of insults.

Reminds me of my old bosses in the 80s who said pretty much this about women who wanted to be known as 'ms'

What was the delusion?

Usually the anger comes from only one camp/side/team/crowd/tra/mra/
And often is accompanied by vitriol

" think you should contact the school and say how unfair it was for this teacher to humiliate your daughter in front of the entire class for something that was easily done."

And here we have some insight into what schools have to put up with - parents angry that their child was corrected. Meetings, emails and phone calls. Smug kids returning to class after being told by their parents that they 'sorted the teacher out.'

If my kid came home and said they were ticked off for answering the register incorrectly I'd tell them they'd better get it right next time then.

No delusion then or now.

Both are about not disclosing things via your pronoun.

unbridled rage over pronouns on Mumsnet

Funny because the only person who has displayed unbridled rage - resulting in posts full of personal attacks and a sea of grey deleted posts was ..... A poster arguing in favour of this teacher with her Mx. ...and her little tellings off to a child who innocently slipped up on her preferred pronoun.

Her DD identifying as a squirrel makes as much sense as the teacher identifying as not being either male or female.

@SerenePeach you obviously haven’t read the Pronouns are Rohypnol piece, written by a mumsnetter I believe. It explains why there is rage about ‘pronouns’.

*It’s deluded and children should not be forced or shamed into going along with it."

Reminds me of my old bosses in the 80s who said pretty much this about women who wanted to be known as 'ms'.*

To be explicit ..... You responded to a post saying "it's deluded" by saying that that reminds you of your old bosses calling women who wanted to use the title Ms. pretty much the same.

So pretty much the same as "deluded".

What did they claim was the delusion?

Lying hurts.

This is lying.

https://fairplayforwomen.com/pronouns/

If she had called a teacher the wrong name and been corrected nobody would be batting an eyelid. Everyone is just affronted at the temerity of this teacher to choose her own title.