To say something now or leave it to see if I hear from the school - DD misgendered a teacher

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

DD is 11 in year 7. She had a non-binary teacher who she has to refer to as ‘Mx Surname’ (pronounced Mix). When she started she said “It’s obvious she’s a woman as she has boobs and a woman’s voice” but that they were told they must only refer to her as Mx. She thought it was a load of nonsense (as do I) but I told her that it’s best not to ruffle feathers and just go along with it because I don’t want her to be in trouble but I thought I’d have to keep a beady eye out for any problems.

On Friday afternoon she came back from school panicking because she accidentally called this teacher Miss when doing the register. They have to say “Here Mx” when their names are called and she said “Here Miss”. The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on. DD said she (DD) went bright red and felt embarrassed.

I have gone back and forth over the weekend, I’m really torn between saying something and leaving it because I don’t want DD to be a target because I’ve pissed a teacher off, or just be labelled a horrible bigot (let’s face it school will not see my POV). It’s a subject she absolutely adores as well so I don’t want her to have any backlash because she struggles with certain subjects and so lives for the few she enjoys including this one.

So Im wondering if I should email the school saying children should not be shamed for “misgendering”, this person is an adult and should be a bit more resilient and not expect children to put aide their subconscious and shirk reality, or should I wait to see if there’s any backlash before doing that? Obviously if there is I’ll defend DD to the hilt but I am thinking about getting ahead of the game as the whole thing really pisses me off.

YABU = say something now
YANBU = wait it out

Exactly, I was often called Mum by a 6 feet tall, spotty youth, I would laugh and say Not likely! Oddly enough it was usually boys who did it rather than the girls, don't know why.
This whole pronoun thing has become yet another issue to get precious about.

It sounds like the teacher wasn't massively bothered so I'd leave it. They would have called you same day or spoke to dd straight away in private if it was a big thing.

Just as you acknowledge that people either are or are not the pope, because its a fact, so people believe that you are or are not a woman, and if you are not a woman, you are a man, and that that's a fact. And that people claiming to be what they are not, is also taking an identity that doesn't belong to them.
If you don't like the pope example, because its appropriating the identity of an individual rather than a group, to broaden it out, how would you feel about a white teacher claiming to be black and requiring the children to refer to them by a name that reflected their chosen ethnicity?
And before you call me an idiot or say "that old chestnut" or that that also is a 'pathetic conparison', I do know it's not an original question. I have seen it asked many times, yet never seen a response that explains why it's different.

As I said, it's like debating with people who objected to Ms.

As a matter of interest, do you see refusing to specify which gender you are as equally objectionable to claiming a gender you were not born into? Just trying to learn here.

Too right. At DC's school the teacher starts the day by marching round the class room, clashing cymbals, pointing at the pupils in turn and chanting "you have a penis" when pointing to a boy and "you have a vagina" when pointing to the girls. The school and all of the parents were a bit iffy about this, but the teacher reminded them that it was their right to state biological reality and they soon agreed that it was perfectly normal behaviour.

Everybody. Knows what everybody’s gender is. Every time.

nobody passes.

^^ this

OP if you go in to meet with the school over this, please do announce your honorific to them as "Queen" and your pronouns as Mam/Ham

Biologically there is male & female. Man & woman, boy & girl. It's a load of tosh. Have bits of your body removed or added, use whatever pronouns you want, you're still male or female.
Teacher sounded sarcastic when she corrected your daughter over an accidental slip of the tongue. I would say nothing, it's not the crime of the century.

Generally true - but doesn't answer my question.

Going by the OPs posts it was not gentle.

And perhaps the teacher should be more resilient if being called Miss instead of Mx triggers them so much....

@EvilsElsasPetSnowman I would leave it unless the teacher gives your daughter a hard time. I just hope she's not a biology teacher 😱

I’d be embarrassed if my daughter disrespected someone like that. The teacher did just right to call her out on it. Fair play to the teacher.

Different title, different reason, different debate.

Not comparable.

This sounds like a ridiculous and very unfair situation. The teacher is intimidating your daughter. There is nothing in any teacher standards about insisting on pronouns.

@EvilsElsasPetSnowman I've sent you a Pm

I agree with you, my sixteen year thinks the whole gender identity thing has gone too far, a kid at her school was identifying as a tree but how now has official changed her name to an animal.

BTW I know it’s not PC to say this but personally I don’t think a teacher should be forcing their pronouns on young kids at all. Just focus on teaching rather than kids worrying about what to call you (does it really matter than much about your gender, no!!!). I feel for your daughter and such stupidity at school.

I've spent most of my married life as a teacher being called Miss.

the teacher is making an OTT point that is putting her needs above those of the pupils she teaches.

I think that you've missed the fact that stating biological reality, only really happens in response to people trying to deny biological reality and trying to force others to deny biological reality.

Child identifying as a tree? Who in God's name is teaching this nonsense to our children? Give me strength 😡

No she didn't just correct her. She didn't need to correct a slip of the tongue any way, but to correct her she only needed to say mix & move on. But she didn't she drew attention to DD IIn a snarky way, unnecessary for any student, but extra so for a new y7.

But the biological truths are the most important and defining thing about the children - they should be reminded of them daily.

Some of these replies are barmy.

The teacher didn't ridicule or humiliate her, she's not forcing her 'religious ideology' on anyone.

I'm sure she is well aware that OP's dd thinks it's all nonsense, of course she does because op is her mum and makes it clear that she herself thinks it's nonsense. Yet all she said was one simple, respectful, polite, correctional sentence. Much as I would if a student called me 'mr' or 'sir.'

Just teach your kids to be respectful. To use chosen pronouns as a courtesy and because it doesn't hurt them one bit. To take a correction on the chin if they make a mistake.

Crikey there are some angry (and offensive)people on here today!! It makes me wonder why?
My analogy of someone calling themselves the Pope was simply to illustrate the absurdity of a delusion
A person claiming to be non-binary wants to be seen as neither male nor female (or ‘floats’ between the 2, or a bit of both;I think I’ve read this)
Which is not possible. It’s deluded and children should not be forced or shamed into going along with it. I also hope this is not a biology teacher!!!
Is it ok to have a debate without getting rude or personal? Is it a distraction technique?