To say something now or leave it to see if I hear from the school - DD misgendered a teacher

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

DD is 11 in year 7. She had a non-binary teacher who she has to refer to as ‘Mx Surname’ (pronounced Mix). When she started she said “It’s obvious she’s a woman as she has boobs and a woman’s voice” but that they were told they must only refer to her as Mx. She thought it was a load of nonsense (as do I) but I told her that it’s best not to ruffle feathers and just go along with it because I don’t want her to be in trouble but I thought I’d have to keep a beady eye out for any problems.

On Friday afternoon she came back from school panicking because she accidentally called this teacher Miss when doing the register. They have to say “Here Mx” when their names are called and she said “Here Miss”. The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on. DD said she (DD) went bright red and felt embarrassed.

I have gone back and forth over the weekend, I’m really torn between saying something and leaving it because I don’t want DD to be a target because I’ve pissed a teacher off, or just be labelled a horrible bigot (let’s face it school will not see my POV). It’s a subject she absolutely adores as well so I don’t want her to have any backlash because she struggles with certain subjects and so lives for the few she enjoys including this one.

So Im wondering if I should email the school saying children should not be shamed for “misgendering”, this person is an adult and should be a bit more resilient and not expect children to put aide their subconscious and shirk reality, or should I wait to see if there’s any backlash before doing that? Obviously if there is I’ll defend DD to the hilt but I am thinking about getting ahead of the game as the whole thing really pisses me off.

YABU = say something now
YANBU = wait it out

Indeed.

And I tend to think that women who think they can identify out of being women, and identify out of fighting the good fight against sexism and sex-based stereotypes, are traitors to their sex.

For the very reason you would never misgender someone to their face, your daughter needs to 100% do the same

She was doing the same.

She then made a totally understandable error/slip.
(Since this teacher is the only teacher in the school insisting on being referred to as Mx).

She did not deserve that response.
It should have been ignored.

Though imho the teacher should never have been allowed to insist on the title in the first place.

In a school environment, I thought the terms Sir and Miss were standard. Even married women teachers, like my niece, always gets please Miss, here Miss etc, just as my nephew gets Sir. I’ve not known any married female teachers to expect (or even want) pupils to respond ‘here Mrs’. If they are being addressed by their full name, then she’d get Mrs Xyz and he’d get Mr Abc. In that situation, I’d expect the teacher in question to be addressed as Mx Ghi.

Just to add that schools are not set up for "Mx" as a title. When I had to fill up the electronic register for an absent "Mx", the pull-down menu had "Dr, Miss, Mr, Mrs, Ms, Prof, Other".

Exactly.

A gender neutral title is pointless when people , including children, can instantly identify your sex.

They will naturally default to the title for your sex the second they are not thinking "call her Mx, call her Mx, call her Mx to themselves) ..... As this unfortunate child has.
Only to be upbraided for it

This

Clearly teaching isn't the priority. She is in the wrong job

No one is deliberately snubbing this woman's choice. The child accidentally said Miss. Most teachers are used to children calling them the wrong name every now and again - whether it's Sir instead of Miss, Miss instead of Mrs, another teacher's surname or even mum when they're younger. (This is not the same as deliberately insulting a teacher, which the OP's daughter has not done.) A teacher focused on teaching instead of their own issues wouldn't bat an eye.

OP, I would keep a note of the incident, in case it's referred to in the future, but I wouldn't do anything further now. It sounds like it was resolved the instant it happened and there's no need for your DD to be worried about repercussions.

Just leave it and move on.
kids call teacher mum all the time.

kids make mistakes that why they’re in school, to learn

I was called nan once. Think i was about 28

That was the case in the school were I worked until 2000 - women teachers were all called "Miss" and the men were "Sir". Once I moved to my next school, it was Miss/Ms/Mr/Mrs/Dr [Surname] or no name at all.

I did a bit of supply in my old school a couple of years ago, and they were still using "Yes Miss!" Mind you, a Y10/S3 boy pulled me up for "misgendering" because I said "Ladies and gentlemen, you may go."

I pointed out that I'd checked the register and that everyone was listed as male or female - no one was listed as non-binary or any other gender.

He finished up in an argument as he went out the door, because one of the girls said "What are you talking about? There are only two genders..."

He tried to convince her that there were 64. She wasn't buying it.

My teacher laughed when I called her Mum.

I didn't get a dressing down "I've been your teacher for 12 weeks Strawberry, you should know I'm not your Mum by now!!".

In this case the teacher is known to be, or is assumed to be, non binary but does that follow from the pronoun? .

AIUI Mx is non gendered and can be used by people who do not want their sex (or gender) to be evident from their pronoun. I've come across it a couple of times with clients with a female voice and at least once somebody who sounded male - I work entirely on the phone so never see people face to face.

I'm not convinced it's really a GC issue at all. IMHO it shouldn't be conflated with the much bigger argument about men in women's spaces self ID, GRC etc.

Christ, she wasn’t hung drawn and quartered!

Of course you have a choice, that's obvious isn't it.. and it is completely irrelevant to OPs daughter, who doesn't have a choice.

Because of the world we live in OPs child will face consequences for it.. honestly it doesn't matter what you believe, or what I believe, or what OP believes, or even what OPs daughter believes, It will get her absolutely nowhere in the current climate to do anything other than what she has been instructed with regards to this pronoun.

I could respect this teacher's choice to be called whatever she likes while still thinking she's a crackpot.. agreeing to call someone a certain name doesn't mean you agree that they can change gender.. one is a courtesy, the other is a belief, it's apples and oranges.

@BrightonFrock

Very notable that you stoop to call people who disagree with you idiots ..while those who disagree with you have not stooped to calling you an idiot.

It says a lot.

Do you have difficulty understanding the word "upbraided"?

There are online dictionaries, you know.

As the proud possessor of fried eggs on crispbread this made me laugh!

On the subject - Mx has been around a long time but in my memory as a young teen the debate then was Mx vs Ms as the best option for women who don't wish to be defined by their marital status. Some of the debates were excessively worthy. I don't remember any suggestion (in that era of gender bending) that it should be independent of biological sex but Mx just never took off at the time.

I will try to remember to call people whatever they choose socially but I've never met a teacher, especially female teachers could not describe near daily misnaming and confused titles from pupils. "Mum" being one of the commoner mistakes from all ages.

How else would you pronounce it??

Being told to call a biological woman a title that is "gender neutral" is a lie.

Because she's not gender neutral.

No-one can be.

Regressive, these fantasies need to be left at home.

Leave these kids alone

I don’t need a dictionary to describe your behaviour…

This .
It's about time we knocked this nonsense to the kerb. Poor kids have enough to worry about without this .