To say something now or leave it to see if I hear from the school - DD misgendered a teacher

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

DD is 11 in year 7. She had a non-binary teacher who she has to refer to as ‘Mx Surname’ (pronounced Mix). When she started she said “It’s obvious she’s a woman as she has boobs and a woman’s voice” but that they were told they must only refer to her as Mx. She thought it was a load of nonsense (as do I) but I told her that it’s best not to ruffle feathers and just go along with it because I don’t want her to be in trouble but I thought I’d have to keep a beady eye out for any problems.

On Friday afternoon she came back from school panicking because she accidentally called this teacher Miss when doing the register. They have to say “Here Mx” when their names are called and she said “Here Miss”. The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on. DD said she (DD) went bright red and felt embarrassed.

I have gone back and forth over the weekend, I’m really torn between saying something and leaving it because I don’t want DD to be a target because I’ve pissed a teacher off, or just be labelled a horrible bigot (let’s face it school will not see my POV). It’s a subject she absolutely adores as well so I don’t want her to have any backlash because she struggles with certain subjects and so lives for the few she enjoys including this one.

So Im wondering if I should email the school saying children should not be shamed for “misgendering”, this person is an adult and should be a bit more resilient and not expect children to put aide their subconscious and shirk reality, or should I wait to see if there’s any backlash before doing that? Obviously if there is I’ll defend DD to the hilt but I am thinking about getting ahead of the game as the whole thing really pisses me off.

YABU = say something now
YANBU = wait it out

But her daughter did not mis gender the teacher. She called a woman "miss" - which is absolutely correct! Miss = woman

"A title that didn't reveal their gender" only "works" when someone doesn't meet you or see you.

It is therefore of extremely limited relevance/application.

And certainly irrelevant in a school, where your pupils, colleagues etc. most definitely see you in person.

I'm not entirely sure it would make any difference. How much freedom do schools have to say 'No we don't support that. You present as a woman, you have 3 choices
Miss
Mrs
Mz

Oh, come off it Errol! Those women 50 years ago weren't claiming to be non-binary at a time when gender ideology is running rampant through education establishments. (I'm a long-term admirer of yours from FWR, by the way)

I’m sure plenty of people argued that it didn’t matter whether people knew if a woman was married or not.

I think you meant Ms, not Mz.

being asked to say the sky is not blue sounds like a lie to me…

No, I know, it's been co-opted (as has so much else) by the genderists,
But personally I wouldn't see the title itself as a hill to die on.

And I'm sure plenty of people argued that it did.

Clearly, the latter won that argument.

But surely the change in context has made all the difference in the world?

“Non binary” people are still male or female

The title is not new. And it’s gender neutral. Hence no lie.

I’d always respect pronouns to their face, frankly because gender critical people never win and I’m not in the business of cutting my nose off to spite my face

This is the problem though OP surely, your attitude towards this at home is what is confusing your daughter when she has no choice but to go along with this at school (or any professional setting).

For the very reason you would never misgender someone to their face, your daughter needs to 100% do the same.. it's just how the world is at this current time (whether she believes in it or not is completely irrelevant unfortunately). I'm assuming your daughter never sees you interacting with anyone who you would have to pronounce pronouns to so she will only ever see and hear you talking about how it is a load of made up nonsense.

You're not helping her navigate the world with your attitude towards this tbh, you are free to do whatever you like, obviously, but she isn't and shouldn't get any ideas that what you discuss at home is going to acceptable in the world at large.

Good job she hasn’t been asked to say that then, isn’t it?

Mx has been used since the 1970s so hardly a new fad. As for calling someone who wishes to be known as non-binary delusional that is extremely small minded.

The teacher is being a dick.

The teacher is not being respectful of the children's right to observe reality and not be gaslit. And seriously, we are still manipulating women and girls to 'be kind'? Seriously? FUCK 'be kind'! It never does anything good for females, and its only ever one way!

But for crying out loud. She's NOT making a stand, SHE Misspoke. she said Miss (what she calls teachers all day long) instead of Mix, unusual and not a million miles apart. First time in 12 weeks. She's 11, y7, she has enough going on without this teacher embarrassing her & making out she did it on purpose.

shes distracting from what she's supposed to be teaching them as she'll just have the kids concentrating to get it right (against what they SEE) instead of concentrating on the subject.

@EvilsElsasPetSnowman I'd be keeping a close eye on her grades in that class too!!

Of course you have a choice and of course I would miss gender someone to their face. I will not be forced to lie. Never. Men are not women.

"As for calling someone who wishes to be known as non-binary delusional that is extremely small minded."

Thinking you are netiher male or female is 100% delusional - trying to impose you delusions onto other people is cult like behaviour.

Most people use their "small minds" to simply say NO! or Whatever! and your name calling isn't going to change that.

Non binary does not exist. You are always male or female.

Did you grow up using Mx.?

Has anyone here grown up using Mx.?

I agree with most of this but I think that I'm right in saying that the reason for excluding the boy was that he'd filmed in the school without permission. His refusing to buckle to gender ideology was certainly the reason for the teacher's ire, but it was filming the teacher that caused the pupil to be excluded.

By the time that I was in the Soviet Union, Stalin was no longer hero-worshipped, but we did have an exiled lecturer who used to say "Stalin taught me to have an appetite". He was a lovely old man who had been sent to a camp for the crime of being an intellectual and eventually managed to escape to France.

In my day, we couldn't criticise Brezhnev.

The joke going around Moscow at the time (only in private) was this:

A KGB man is standing in a food queue. He hears a woman muttering to himself "We're cold and we're hungry and it's all his fault. We're cold and we're hungry and it's all his fault."

He taps her on the shoulder. "Citizen! To whom are you referring?"

"Er...er...My husband! I'm talking about my husband!"

"Oh, I'm very sorry Comrade Brezhneva - I didn't recognise you!"

Massively unreasonable, my arse!

My son has a a name that can be pronounced two different ways and he spent his whole school career with some teachers pronouncing it the wrong way. Even when he reminded them they'd got it wrong, they would forget the next time they saw him.
Guess what? He didn't cry or disappear in a blue-haired puff of smoke or have to take time off for mental distress. He just got on with life.
The teacher will have to be listening really carefully to hear the difference between Mix and Miss, and I bet she does, just so she can make a point if a student gets it wrong. She is abusing her power.

I feel sorry for your daughter and her school mates having to put up with this bollocks. ‘Mix’ is just ridiculous.

as if it’s not confusing enough being a teenage and then all this non binary crap comes along.