To say something now or leave it to see if I hear from the school - DD misgendered a teacher

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

DD is 11 in year 7. She had a non-binary teacher who she has to refer to as ‘Mx Surname’ (pronounced Mix). When she started she said “It’s obvious she’s a woman as she has boobs and a woman’s voice” but that they were told they must only refer to her as Mx. She thought it was a load of nonsense (as do I) but I told her that it’s best not to ruffle feathers and just go along with it because I don’t want her to be in trouble but I thought I’d have to keep a beady eye out for any problems.

On Friday afternoon she came back from school panicking because she accidentally called this teacher Miss when doing the register. They have to say “Here Mx” when their names are called and she said “Here Miss”. The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on. DD said she (DD) went bright red and felt embarrassed.

I have gone back and forth over the weekend, I’m really torn between saying something and leaving it because I don’t want DD to be a target because I’ve pissed a teacher off, or just be labelled a horrible bigot (let’s face it school will not see my POV). It’s a subject she absolutely adores as well so I don’t want her to have any backlash because she struggles with certain subjects and so lives for the few she enjoys including this one.

So Im wondering if I should email the school saying children should not be shamed for “misgendering”, this person is an adult and should be a bit more resilient and not expect children to put aide their subconscious and shirk reality, or should I wait to see if there’s any backlash before doing that? Obviously if there is I’ll defend DD to the hilt but I am thinking about getting ahead of the game as the whole thing really pisses me off.

YABU = say something now
YANBU = wait it out

Women who used Ms didn't claim to be sexless that they are neither men nor women which is clearly nonsense. Everyone has a sex.

Wasn't Ms. fought for by feminists so that women could have the privilege of a title that does not identify them by whether they are married or not.

A privilege men always had.

Totally different issue to this nonsense.

I think the teacher should have reacted in the same way as if a pupil accidentally called them mum or Sir, just smiled and got on with it. Unless it was deliberate to make fun, which it wasn't.

We are winning. And we only win by standing up and be heard. You don;t believe in gender identity, most people do not. Stand up and be counted.

This is excellent. Thank you.

Oh dear, oh dear. When I was a Miss, I never made a huge deal being called Mrs. I just don't get why these people make such a fuss about their pronouns. It's just a kid, they got it mixed up. The teacher should have ignored it.

However, I wouldn't raise it. I don't thing that will achieve anything positive.

It’s ridiculous to get arsey with Kids for what was clearly a slip
of the tongue. If the teacher is that sensitive to pronouns just stick to a first name. For goodness sake, what a load of twaddle. I’d contact the school and report.

Oh, the confusion....I did explain, but I don't think that it sank in.

Where I was working, many parents had been in an unmarried partnership for years. The mothers always insisted on being called "Miss" - and some took exception to being called "Ms". That's probably why the pupils were confused.

I quickly learned to check the info held electronically before parental meetings.

If you think about it, many famous actresses were always "Miss" - Elizabeth Taylor, for example.

Complete overreaction form this teacher faced with a simple, easy to make slip of the tongue by an 11 year old.

This teacher should not have reacted in this way and I would write to the school about it.

I think some people get so wrapped up in their own obsession with their identity/pronouns and so on that they forget to exercise basic common sense.

Same. Never heard of Mx.

What a load of bullshit and I don’t believe in this pronouns shit either so I would be emailing in direct to the teacher and telling her straight that she may want to pretend her pronouns are something different but no one has to go along with her fantasy.

I'm not Catholic, but when I did a teaching practice in a Catholic school I had no problem with calling the priest "Father".

However, many years ago a friend of mine worked in the local post office and had the local Catholic priest angrily telling her that she should call him "Father" and not "sir" - as in "How may I help you, sir?"

She told him, "Oh, I'm sorry - but I'm not actually Catholic..." and he demanded to see the manager. The manager backed her.

But the OP’s daughter hasn’t been asked to make a statement!! She’s been asked to use a certain title.

It wouldn't actually occur to me to call anyone "Reverend", to be honest, because Church of Scotland ministers are usually just "Mr".

Asked to lie you mean.

Perfect analogy

But there are titles already for an adult human female ... Miss, Ms and Mrs. Could also call her "teacher" or by her first name.

It's unfair to force children to remember and use a totally new title, very easily mixed up with the existing ones, for one particular person .... because of that person's belief system.

There’s no need for you to create a drama about this. It sounds like it wasn’t deliberate on your DD’s part- just a slip of the tongue . She won’t be in trouble- that’s ridiculous. She was reminded of teacher’s title and that’s it.

Oh, just fuck off with your reality-denying BS. Compelling others' speech is absolutely not acceptable — and certainly not in a school. Just because the teacher has decided they're trans or non-binary doesn't mean the rest of the world has to start calling them whatever they want. The teacher needs to be removed from the classroom.

Reassuring your child that they are okay, they can trust their senses and that it's the adult who is the problem here, and then going into school and making a big thing about it is the best thing OP could possibly do. Good luck, OP!

This is genuine: we had a parent who changed her name by deed poll to "Lady [Forename Surname]." (No she didn't buy one of those titles from the internet.) She tried to insist that our depute call her "Lady [Surname]". He declined and continued to call her "Mrs [Surname]".

Compelling others' speech

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. of course you need to address your teachers in a respectful manner. That goes for every school. 🙄

There's a middle ground between telling her it's ridiculous and telling her it's possible to change sex.

You can tell her to respect what people want to be called while also telling her it's not possible to change biological sex and that gender doesn't determine sex etc

I would not be laughing about this teacher or making fun of her at home that's all. Any more than you'd laugh about someone preferring miss, Mrs or Ms.

Don’t say anything. Your daughter misgendered, it was a mistake, she knows what she’s supposed to say.
I am sure you won’t hear anymore about it. Just remind your daughter to use the correct pronouns going forward.

If the teacher said “I am the Pope and you must refer to me accordingly” then what??

A pathetic and irrelevant comparison. You either are or aren’t the Pope - and everyone who isn’t Jorge Mario Bergoglio isn’t. You’re trying to compare someone choosing their form of address with someone trying to take on an existing person’s identity!

Also, not really the point, but I'd hope a teacher would be aware that 'Mx' isn't a pronoun.

There are already respectful words for referring to teachers.

It’s the fact that OP’s daughter was called out on her mistake in front of the class because she failed to acknowledge a teacher’s preference or it’s just blindingly obvious the teacher is a woman. All of this is a head fuck for kids. There is so much angst to go through growing up without being told off in front of the class for fuck all. No wonder so many kids are full of anxiety