To say something now or leave it to see if I hear from the school - DD misgendered a teacher

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

DD is 11 in year 7. She had a non-binary teacher who she has to refer to as ‘Mx Surname’ (pronounced Mix). When she started she said “It’s obvious she’s a woman as she has boobs and a woman’s voice” but that they were told they must only refer to her as Mx. She thought it was a load of nonsense (as do I) but I told her that it’s best not to ruffle feathers and just go along with it because I don’t want her to be in trouble but I thought I’d have to keep a beady eye out for any problems.

On Friday afternoon she came back from school panicking because she accidentally called this teacher Miss when doing the register. They have to say “Here Mx” when their names are called and she said “Here Miss”. The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on. DD said she (DD) went bright red and felt embarrassed.

I have gone back and forth over the weekend, I’m really torn between saying something and leaving it because I don’t want DD to be a target because I’ve pissed a teacher off, or just be labelled a horrible bigot (let’s face it school will not see my POV). It’s a subject she absolutely adores as well so I don’t want her to have any backlash because she struggles with certain subjects and so lives for the few she enjoys including this one.

So Im wondering if I should email the school saying children should not be shamed for “misgendering”, this person is an adult and should be a bit more resilient and not expect children to put aide their subconscious and shirk reality, or should I wait to see if there’s any backlash before doing that? Obviously if there is I’ll defend DD to the hilt but I am thinking about getting ahead of the game as the whole thing really pisses me off.

YABU = say something now
YANBU = wait it out

Agree wholeheartedly!

OMFG
My kids are all out of the school system now
I had no idea things were this bad
A f teacher is doing this shit ..aren't they supposed to be inspiring children and teaching them facts ..not fiction.
Why is the head teacher pandering to this shit .
Fine ,keep it for out of school if you must ..but not in school
It's treating kids like they are stupid ..like your daughter says ,she has boobs ,she is a she

Let it go, OP.

Male teachers are called Sir, so clearly female teachers should be called Dame - but the genderists would be unhappy with that as Dame must be reserved for the drag queens.

@EvilsElsasPetSnowman is your DD worried that her slip of the tongue could make the friendship issues more difficult? If that's the case, it could be worth considering if there'd be any benefit from discussing it in relation to reassuring her that people make mistakes and it won't be held against her, if she's anxious about it. Otherwise, I'd be inclined to just say to her to let it go - she made a slip of the tongue in responding to the register, it was corrected and life has moved on. If she feels really upset about it, she could always stay behind at the end of her next class with them to say she's sorry about her slip-up the other day and she wouldn't want the teacher to feel hurt or offended as it was a genuine mistake.

Unless there's a much bigger context here, I don't think a teacher will hold a grudge over a one-off mistake that happens a lot in schools.

It's neither a cock up or a conspiracy.

The teacher is unreasonable for expecting kids to get non standard pronouns correct all the time, and being snippy with them when they don't.

The OP's daughter is more likely than others to use the wrong pronouns because she doesn't accept the idea that this person is neither male nor female. It's a mistake that she is therefore primed to make, she can't change her beliefs or prevent herself finding something ridiculous, and so she will likely get in trouble in this way again.

Nonsense! I worked in the same school for 18 yrs and I'd still occasionally get a child calling me "Miss" instead of "Mrs". It's a slip of the tongue.

Give over.

“She knew exactly” is very hostile language. Any adult who attributes such ill intent on an eleven year has absolutely no business being a teacher.

It was a slip of the tongue.

No she had a slip of the tongue.

Poor kids having to put up with this 💩

Actually the more I think about it, I think it was really cruel for the teacher to call her out on it in front of all her classmates. I think I would say something to the school.

The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on.

This is not “being shamed”. She was corrected by a teacher. If she had sais yes Mx Jones onstea dof yes Mx Smith, I imagine the teacher would have had the same response.

If your DD felt ashamed, thats on her and you to process. This is not something to bring up with the teacher.

11 year olds really shouldn’t have to be dealing with this.
If a grown, educated adult can’t cope with a child saying Miss instead of Mix then they shouldn’t be a teacher.

Tee hee. You win the internet today (Mutley snigger)

But that's NOT what she did!!

This ^

The amount of people who say "it's just good manners to call someone what they want" really baffles me. If I go into work tomorrow and say I'm now "My Lord", everyone should be told to go along with this should they, because it's just manners? And I should be allowed to contact HR if someone errs?

Or is that just a load of nonsense and I should be told to grow up and stop being a raging narcissist? That's exactly what should have happened to Miss Mix, and I think outsourcing her narcissism to the children to join in should be a disciplinary matter.

Not this ^

This.

Most of the teachers at the school where I did supply in January are "Miss". Ms seems to have died a death round our way and most of the women in long-term relationships are unmarried.

One of the classes that I was covering kept calling me "Miss". I just said "Oh, it's actually 'Mrs'."

There was one shocked response of "Are you married?"

I'm actually a widow, but it's still a bit raw, so I just laughed and held up my left hand to show my wedding ring.

YABU.

Would you have made a fuss 40 years ago when Ms began to be used?

Getting someone's title wrong is not a reason to snap at someone.

When mine were at school they occasionally had issues with teachers being arsey. My general take was - this is part of your education. Society is full of arsey people, some who will be in positions of authority over you, so it will do no harm to practice how to manage life with them now.

When it crossed the line into abusive behaviour from a teacher I went straight to nuclear- appointment with the head etc and it was nipped in the bud.

Thankfully they didn’t have this particular nonsense to deal with but if they had my advice to them would have been- use whatever honorific the teacher wants to be called by but never, under any circumstances use a pronoun.

This avoids the charade of pandering to the nonsense without getting in trouble for any perceived disrespect.

This is why I wouldn’t pull her out of school over a single issue because there could be a Mx (or ten!) in another school

Yes - this indoctrination of gender ideology is doing so much harm. Now we are even debating if a child was wrong for calling a woman a woman! It's absolutely batshit crazy.

You’re being massively unreasonable in not respecting this person. If they want to be Mix that’s their choice. Your DD should call them that

Pffff! What rubbish. Nobody gets to demand respect. We are not all serfs to your gender monarchy.