To say something now or leave it to see if I hear from the school - DD misgendered a teacher

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

DD is 11 in year 7. She had a non-binary teacher who she has to refer to as ‘Mx Surname’ (pronounced Mix). When she started she said “It’s obvious she’s a woman as she has boobs and a woman’s voice” but that they were told they must only refer to her as Mx. She thought it was a load of nonsense (as do I) but I told her that it’s best not to ruffle feathers and just go along with it because I don’t want her to be in trouble but I thought I’d have to keep a beady eye out for any problems.

On Friday afternoon she came back from school panicking because she accidentally called this teacher Miss when doing the register. They have to say “Here Mx” when their names are called and she said “Here Miss”. The teacher said “Really DDName, I have been your teacher for 12 weeks now, you know my pronouns!” And moved on. DD said she (DD) went bright red and felt embarrassed.

I have gone back and forth over the weekend, I’m really torn between saying something and leaving it because I don’t want DD to be a target because I’ve pissed a teacher off, or just be labelled a horrible bigot (let’s face it school will not see my POV). It’s a subject she absolutely adores as well so I don’t want her to have any backlash because she struggles with certain subjects and so lives for the few she enjoys including this one.

So Im wondering if I should email the school saying children should not be shamed for “misgendering”, this person is an adult and should be a bit more resilient and not expect children to put aide their subconscious and shirk reality, or should I wait to see if there’s any backlash before doing that? Obviously if there is I’ll defend DD to the hilt but I am thinking about getting ahead of the game as the whole thing really pisses me off.

YABU = say something now
YANBU = wait it out

It doesn’t sound like she made a big deal of it, she corrected her and moved on. I don’t think you should escalate this

Being mixed race (which my DD is BTW) is not the same as identifying as/away from something. One is factual and inherent, the other is a fantasy. What I meant was IME Gen Alpha are sick of the identity politics and being told to label themselves and there is massive pushback right now. Thankfully

She's NOT encouraging her daughter to disrespect the teacher! WTF did you get that from???

So cause massive disruption at a difficult stage in her education, rather than just accept that sometimes you have to just crack on even if you don’t agree with something?

What will happen to her as an adult? Will she quit her job every time she has to implement a policy that doesn’t comply with her personal beliefs? Or every time a manager gets a bit snappy with her?

She is perfectly entitled to say inside the walls of her own home that she disagrees with all the transgender stuff going on and why

We all share opinions and views with our families

What a bonkers situation
As for saying apologise and move on, why?? For what? It was accidental.
OP your daughter should not be forced to participate in a delusion just because the teacher is. If the teacher said “I am the Pope and you must refer to me accordingly” then what??
This is more than requesting the use of a title; it’s compelled speech.
@EvilsElsasPetSnowman ; does your daughter like reading? Has she read 1984? That’s a good read

I got an actual 'Mr Jones' once! And he does have a beard ( and I don't!)

How is she encouraging her daughter to disrespect the teacher?

By DC are also mixed race....it's not comparable at all

It sounds like a genuine mistake . The teacher didn't need to shame her in front of the class.
When it negatively affects your child's education then it's not a small thing.
If she is going to be able to go back to her lesson and concentrate and learn then that's great .
But if more happens I would mention it to the school.

No because RE classes teach what other regions believe, they don’t indoctrinate children into believing anything. It’s educational not doctrinal. Also religion in my view is akin to race for many people - it’s part of their bloodline, how they were raised, part of their culture and their people’s history, and often people’s oppression. It’s intrinsically linked with history, which I los don’t pull her out of

Really? I’ve only been aware of it for the last 12-18 months 🤷‍♀️

It was a slip of the tongue. A teacher has shamed a child for a slip of the tongue.

Kids mangled my name all the time when I was teaching. I didn't get precious about it.

Many years ago when I was at school teachers were Mr name or Sir and Miss,Mrs or Mam so many times Mam became Mum so what it’s a slip of the tongue. Mind you we just had the two sexes much like now but we didn’t have genders or believe people could change species. Very old fashioned

I've come across one once, when I did a bit of supply. The teacher concerned had a cartoon pic of themselves ( a bearded person) with "Mx [Name]" for their classroom door.

The kids dutifully referred to them as "Mx", but kept calling them "he".

Teacher of 30+ years experience here and your DD's teacher sounds ridiculous. I cannot tell you how many times during a register kids have answered "yes sir". It's just an automatic thing. Sometimes I look at them over my glasses or give them a puzzled look, but at the end of the day, who cares? I need to be sure they are in the room. It's not as if they are calling me a rude word.

I also get called "mum". If it's a nice kid, I tell them that I'm flattered. If it's a less nice one, I say something like "in your dreams". The day I get called "gran" is the day I hand in my resignation! There are so many more important things to get wound up about, and this issue is just not one of them.

Doubt it

It’s not that I “don’t believe this person can change sex.” I KNOW this person can’t change sex. That’s a fact. Nothing to do with belief.

The principle of Mx is using other people to validate the delusion that they are not female or not male. I don’t personally pander to delusions.

Like I say I’ve told DD to just go along with whatever the teacher wants to be called but that she can’t privately believe whatever she wants about her and her pronouns

I am working with the school on toxic friendships. Were you under the impression people can only deal with one thing at a time?

I think I became aware around the time the emoji was introduced! It is true that it can be used on official forms?

According to Google AI:

• Print: The earliest known print use of "Mx." was in a 1977 issue of Single Parent magazine.

• Online: The first documented use of "Mx." online was in 1982, in a facetious suggestion to eliminate gender-identifying titles.

• Popularity: "Mx." became more popular in the early 2000s, especially in the UK trans community and among genderqueer people.

• Dictionary inclusion: The Oxford and Merriam-Webster English dictionaries added "Mx." in 2015 and 2016, respectively.

• Official use: "Mx." is increasingly used on official forms in the UK, such as driver's licenses and banking documents.

• Media: "Mx." has appeared in media, such as The New York Times.

• Emoji: Apple added a gender-neutral emoji "Mx Claus" in iOS update 14.2 in 2020.

That's true.

I did some supply in January, and the depute kept calling me "Miss" by accident.

No. If the OP's account is accurate, the teacher was unnecessarily snarky.

But when the school support it, there's no point in complaining,

but I'd certainly be defending DD all the way if it got taken any further.

How can children be expected to respect a teacher who pretends that she isn’t a woman when she is?

According to wikipedia, it's been around since the 70s.
I certainly cam across it professionally at least a decade ago.

It’s a genuine mistake OP. Tell your daughter not to worry about it and to just go along with it for the time she has in that class. If the teacher pulls her up on it later on then I would definitely say something. It was unfair to admonish and shame your daughter in front of her peers when it was a genuine mistake. They could have taken your daughter aside and had a word with her after the lesson. If the teacher is a biological woman with very obvious womanly features then I can see how it was easy to forget they use special pronouns.