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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend asking for money

646 replies

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 09:16

Good Morning All,

I have been advised by another friend to post on here for some unbiased advice, so here I am.

Bit of back story on myself. Single mum working full time, my daughters father decided to die on me 10 years ago so no help from him (sorry for my dark humour) - got 30k in an inheritance pay out last Jan. I have never had spare money- I have enough to get by, but never any savings etc. This money has obviously given me a lovely boost.

The June after I received the money I had a message from one of my best friends saying she was in trouble and needed to borrow 6k urgently or she would lose her house. She promised I would have it back the following month. She did not pay it back and it got to the awkward stage of her never mentioning it where I had to bring it up. She kept promising weekly that she would pay the money into my account that Friday. It never came- there was always an excuse of why she couldn't pay. It got extremely stressful and the excuses of why she couldn't became ridiculous.

Anyway, it got to the point that she was going on luxury holidays and bought a new car so I met up with her and flat out said it was causing me a lot of stress and I was panicking it was not coming back. I know people say not to lend money you don't have spare but honestly I thought the friendship was strong.

Long story short she sent it back, I had a discussion about how it had made me feel mugged off and we moved on. I made a vow to myself never to lend money again.

She has messaged me this morning asking to borrow 4k again as she has overspent on something and is unable to pay off a debt on her mortgage again and is saying she will pay it back next week.

I now feel awkward and disappointed. I am not lending it to her after the stress of last time and I am just very upset she seems to be seeing me as a cash cow- despite knowing how much I have struggled and this is the first time I have been able to provide stability and a stable plan for my daughters future.

Now I also feel like I should be helping her as the money is there (but it is not spare money to me- it's sitting there but it's allocated in savings to something), but I do not want to go through this process again with her of trying to get it back.

Thankyou.

OP posts:
Electricalb · 02/12/2024 16:36

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 15:57

She has replied and said nice one for making me feel really awkward.

Wow! Now you know.
Cheeky fxxker.
I absolutely would be stepping away and I certainly wouldn't be shy about telling mutual friends why.
Major CF.

Oh and that money would be "officially" invested for your daughter and inaccessible as a result.

Badburyrings · 02/12/2024 16:37

GranPepper · 02/12/2024 15:33

Am I allowed to make my own mind up how to post? (NB I think I will anyway)

Show quote history

You can but you will look stupid keep quoting the first post of the OP.

Enterthedragonqueen · 02/12/2024 16:37

Tell everyone that you paid for her to go to the Maldives, she used your money to go on holiday. She lied and said it was needed for bills but she actually went on holiday with it.

friendlycat · 02/12/2024 16:40

She really isn’t a nice person.
I really couldn’t be friends with someone who behaves like this.

IOSTT · 02/12/2024 16:41

Your friend really needs to grow up

Strokethefurrywall · 02/12/2024 16:41

"Good. You should feel awkward you cash grabbing twat".

Boomer55 · 02/12/2024 16:44

Nope. Just tell her it’s in a fixed term bond and you can’t touch it.

Sorted. 👍

Ilikegherkins · 02/12/2024 16:48

No no no no no - I think you probably know the answer already.

Beamur · 02/12/2024 16:50

Ha ha. I guess your message hit the spot.
She won't ask again. Unless she has the absolute hide of a rhino

GranPepper · 02/12/2024 16:53

Badburyrings · 02/12/2024 16:37

You can but you will look stupid keep quoting the first post of the OP.

Show quote history

Can I just be clear that it was not actually me who quoted the OP's original post but I really don't see that you or anyone else should go around telling other posters what they should and should not do, and it was in that spirit I commented about someone else giving a PP a row for quoting the original post. I am not stupid and it's unnecessarily rude to imply that I am. You are not the boss of me or anybody else who posts. This thread is about someone asking for advice. I suggest in all politeness, if you want to speak about your thoughts on others quoting the original post on a comment, you can start a separate thread to raise the subject there.

lto2019 · 02/12/2024 16:55

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 15:57

She has replied and said nice one for making me feel really awkward.

Cheeky bitch. Reply nice one for making me feel like an ATM.

Poodleville · 02/12/2024 16:57

Your response was amazing! What a legend!

PoshHorseyBird · 02/12/2024 16:58

Just a simple 'no' would do to be honest. Or you could say 'no, any spare money is now in an ISA and I can't touch it.' If she reiterates the point about paying it back next week tell her to speak to her bank. I'm sure they'd do a short term loan if that's the case. (Except you know damn well she has no intention of "paying it back next week") But that's not your problem!

Badburyrings · 02/12/2024 17:01

GranPepper · 02/12/2024 16:53

Can I just be clear that it was not actually me who quoted the OP's original post but I really don't see that you or anyone else should go around telling other posters what they should and should not do, and it was in that spirit I commented about someone else giving a PP a row for quoting the original post. I am not stupid and it's unnecessarily rude to imply that I am. You are not the boss of me or anybody else who posts. This thread is about someone asking for advice. I suggest in all politeness, if you want to speak about your thoughts on others quoting the original post on a comment, you can start a separate thread to raise the subject there.

Show quote history

The subject has already been done to death thanks so little point starting a new thread. I think it will be one of those things that make people leave mumsnet unless admin can put a stop on people using the quote button on the original OP.

ohyesido · 02/12/2024 17:01

Don't give her a penny she is a CF and you don't owe her anything.

courageandwisdom · 02/12/2024 17:03

@Goldilock1234 it's great that you've found the courage to tell her no. You've done the right thing.
I'd be tempted to reply back....No, you did that yourself when you had the cheek to ask me for yet another loan, but I'm not sure she's worth engaging with.

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 02/12/2024 17:03

I would never have lent anyone that amount of money in the first place unless they were my child. You’ve been extremely generous and kind to her once already, and she repaid you by taking advantage of you and essentially making you beg for your own money. Don’t give her anything else. She’s not your friend.

dutchyoriginal · 02/12/2024 17:06

VexedofVirginiaWater · 02/12/2024 15:59

Ha - I think she did that all by herself!

What she said!

Your friend had one excellent opportunity to show her friendship and reliability, when she first borrowed from you. She, not you, blew that, so this is all on herself

cantarguewithfools · 02/12/2024 17:10

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 15:57

She has replied and said nice one for making me feel really awkward.

What a cow!

Noshowlomo · 02/12/2024 17:12

Not even worth a response. And I’d tell any mutual friends in case she asks them

876543A · 02/12/2024 17:13

I am so shocked she has the cheek to respond like that!! As if somehow this is your fault. What a deluded loser. You have done nothing wrong. Cut her out of your life now.

GranPepper · 02/12/2024 17:14

Badburyrings · 02/12/2024 17:01

The subject has already been done to death thanks so little point starting a new thread. I think it will be one of those things that make people leave mumsnet unless admin can put a stop on people using the quote button on the original OP.

Show quote history

So the subject is done to death apparently, MN aren't for changing their quote button, so you just hijack a thread that is nothing to do with the quote button to make your point, are quite rude to other posters who don't do what you want them to do and say people who don't like original post being re-quoted and feel strongly about this might leave MN. Ok, thanks for clarifying. I don't need any more information so I am going to leave it there and let the people who're on here giving advice to OP have the thread to themselves.

WearyAuldWumman · 02/12/2024 17:15

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 09:16

Good Morning All,

I have been advised by another friend to post on here for some unbiased advice, so here I am.

Bit of back story on myself. Single mum working full time, my daughters father decided to die on me 10 years ago so no help from him (sorry for my dark humour) - got 30k in an inheritance pay out last Jan. I have never had spare money- I have enough to get by, but never any savings etc. This money has obviously given me a lovely boost.

The June after I received the money I had a message from one of my best friends saying she was in trouble and needed to borrow 6k urgently or she would lose her house. She promised I would have it back the following month. She did not pay it back and it got to the awkward stage of her never mentioning it where I had to bring it up. She kept promising weekly that she would pay the money into my account that Friday. It never came- there was always an excuse of why she couldn't pay. It got extremely stressful and the excuses of why she couldn't became ridiculous.

Anyway, it got to the point that she was going on luxury holidays and bought a new car so I met up with her and flat out said it was causing me a lot of stress and I was panicking it was not coming back. I know people say not to lend money you don't have spare but honestly I thought the friendship was strong.

Long story short she sent it back, I had a discussion about how it had made me feel mugged off and we moved on. I made a vow to myself never to lend money again.

She has messaged me this morning asking to borrow 4k again as she has overspent on something and is unable to pay off a debt on her mortgage again and is saying she will pay it back next week.

I now feel awkward and disappointed. I am not lending it to her after the stress of last time and I am just very upset she seems to be seeing me as a cash cow- despite knowing how much I have struggled and this is the first time I have been able to provide stability and a stable plan for my daughters future.

Now I also feel like I should be helping her as the money is there (but it is not spare money to me- it's sitting there but it's allocated in savings to something), but I do not want to go through this process again with her of trying to get it back.

Thankyou.

Do not loan her another penny.

Curtainqueen · 02/12/2024 17:15

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 15:57

She has replied and said nice one for making me feel really awkward.

Well that’s your proof she’s just an arsehole. She deserves to feel awkward after what she did to you before.

TheDanceFloor · 02/12/2024 17:16

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 09:16

Good Morning All,

I have been advised by another friend to post on here for some unbiased advice, so here I am.

Bit of back story on myself. Single mum working full time, my daughters father decided to die on me 10 years ago so no help from him (sorry for my dark humour) - got 30k in an inheritance pay out last Jan. I have never had spare money- I have enough to get by, but never any savings etc. This money has obviously given me a lovely boost.

The June after I received the money I had a message from one of my best friends saying she was in trouble and needed to borrow 6k urgently or she would lose her house. She promised I would have it back the following month. She did not pay it back and it got to the awkward stage of her never mentioning it where I had to bring it up. She kept promising weekly that she would pay the money into my account that Friday. It never came- there was always an excuse of why she couldn't pay. It got extremely stressful and the excuses of why she couldn't became ridiculous.

Anyway, it got to the point that she was going on luxury holidays and bought a new car so I met up with her and flat out said it was causing me a lot of stress and I was panicking it was not coming back. I know people say not to lend money you don't have spare but honestly I thought the friendship was strong.

Long story short she sent it back, I had a discussion about how it had made me feel mugged off and we moved on. I made a vow to myself never to lend money again.

She has messaged me this morning asking to borrow 4k again as she has overspent on something and is unable to pay off a debt on her mortgage again and is saying she will pay it back next week.

I now feel awkward and disappointed. I am not lending it to her after the stress of last time and I am just very upset she seems to be seeing me as a cash cow- despite knowing how much I have struggled and this is the first time I have been able to provide stability and a stable plan for my daughters future.

Now I also feel like I should be helping her as the money is there (but it is not spare money to me- it's sitting there but it's allocated in savings to something), but I do not want to go through this process again with her of trying to get it back.

Thankyou.

She’s not a friend OP. As soon as she realised you had money, she fell entitled to some of it and you became someone for her to use.

Well done for saying no. She feels awkward, good, so she should. She’ll still do the same to someone else given the opportunity in future.