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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend asking for money

646 replies

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 09:16

Good Morning All,

I have been advised by another friend to post on here for some unbiased advice, so here I am.

Bit of back story on myself. Single mum working full time, my daughters father decided to die on me 10 years ago so no help from him (sorry for my dark humour) - got 30k in an inheritance pay out last Jan. I have never had spare money- I have enough to get by, but never any savings etc. This money has obviously given me a lovely boost.

The June after I received the money I had a message from one of my best friends saying she was in trouble and needed to borrow 6k urgently or she would lose her house. She promised I would have it back the following month. She did not pay it back and it got to the awkward stage of her never mentioning it where I had to bring it up. She kept promising weekly that she would pay the money into my account that Friday. It never came- there was always an excuse of why she couldn't pay. It got extremely stressful and the excuses of why she couldn't became ridiculous.

Anyway, it got to the point that she was going on luxury holidays and bought a new car so I met up with her and flat out said it was causing me a lot of stress and I was panicking it was not coming back. I know people say not to lend money you don't have spare but honestly I thought the friendship was strong.

Long story short she sent it back, I had a discussion about how it had made me feel mugged off and we moved on. I made a vow to myself never to lend money again.

She has messaged me this morning asking to borrow 4k again as she has overspent on something and is unable to pay off a debt on her mortgage again and is saying she will pay it back next week.

I now feel awkward and disappointed. I am not lending it to her after the stress of last time and I am just very upset she seems to be seeing me as a cash cow- despite knowing how much I have struggled and this is the first time I have been able to provide stability and a stable plan for my daughters future.

Now I also feel like I should be helping her as the money is there (but it is not spare money to me- it's sitting there but it's allocated in savings to something), but I do not want to go through this process again with her of trying to get it back.

Thankyou.

OP posts:
WoolySnail · 02/12/2024 15:56

For those at the back- OP ALREADY SAID NO!

OP let us know what the cf replies with!!

Original poster
Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 15:57

She has replied and said nice one for making me feel really awkward.

OP posts:
VexedofVirginiaWater · 02/12/2024 15:59

Ha - I think she did that all by herself!

WoolySnail · 02/12/2024 15:59

She's the one who had made it awkward OP!

OriginalUsername2 · 02/12/2024 16:02

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 15:57

She has replied and said nice one for making me feel really awkward.

Wow.

That would be a block from me.

Joewickscarpet · 02/12/2024 16:05

DO NOT! Lend her money. Also do not tell anybody you have inherited money again. None of their business. It brings out the users, if she persists tell her it's tied up and don't explain further, if she's really a friend, she'll move on , if not then you've found her out for what she is, duly bin the using cow.

Ewock · 02/12/2024 16:05

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 15:57

She has replied and said nice one for making me feel really awkward.

You have not made her feel awkward, she has made rhat happen due to her gross behaviour when you very generously lent her the money last time.
You had to chase and chase and chase for that money, putting you in an awkward situation which should never have happened

I think her reply tells you everything you need to know, she does not care how you feel or felt

Attheedgeoftown · 02/12/2024 16:05

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 15:57

She has replied and said nice one for making me feel really awkward.

She’s no self-awareness at all, does she?

HelplessSoul · 02/12/2024 16:05

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 15:57

She has replied and said nice one for making me feel really awkward.

Proof then, that this friend is a cunt.

Block, Delete, Forget, Move On.

Cocothecoconut · 02/12/2024 16:05

Not a chance
you won’t get it back this time

Dimpliy · 02/12/2024 16:07

What a non-gracious response. I would want to respond 'Now you know how I felt when you made me chase you for months to get my money back like I was a desperate money chaser.'

romdowa · 02/12/2024 16:09

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 15:57

She has replied and said nice one for making me feel really awkward.

Nah she's the one who made it awkward. Cheeky mare

Papillionbleu · 02/12/2024 16:09

Goldilocks, do not lend her any money.You nearly didn't get the last lot of money back.You are not really in a position to lend big sums.You need the money for you and your child.
She isn't a good friend, a god friend woukd understand if you declined to lend the money.
Think of your child.Did you get the money back last time I didn't really, clock it ?

Scottishskifun · 02/12/2024 16:10

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 15:57

She has replied and said nice one for making me feel really awkward.

When someone shows your their true colours OP believe them......
Again it's all about her with zero consideration for you or the position she put you in this morning.

I would be stepping away with immediate effect.

Papillionbleu · 02/12/2024 16:11

Joewickscarpet · 02/12/2024 16:05

DO NOT! Lend her money. Also do not tell anybody you have inherited money again. None of their business. It brings out the users, if she persists tell her it's tied up and don't explain further, if she's really a friend, she'll move on , if not then you've found her out for what she is, duly bin the using cow.

This do not tell anyone you inherited money.The money is for you and your child.

VaddaABeetch · 02/12/2024 16:11

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 15:57

She has replied and said nice one for making me feel really awkward.

Right back at you friend

ConstanceM · 02/12/2024 16:13

IT'S NOT YOUR GUILT!
Your so called friend, financially and emotionally manipulated you. Now you are asking whether you should allow her to do that again. There's ancient proverb that you need to tattoo on your wrist;
"Fool me once, shame on you,
Fool me twice, shame on Me"
DO NOT LEND THIS 'CHANCER' YOUR MONEY - EVER!

Enterthedragonqueen · 02/12/2024 16:14

She wants the money for Christmas not for mortgage or debt repayments.

No do not lend her any money, overpay your own mortgage, pay your own debts off and lock the remainder away in a premium bonds account. Then say sorry, I've spent the money on debt repayments.

Then to properly put the nail on the coffin of your relationship, ask her to lend you money. You will never hear from her again. Problem sorted.

Bjorkdidit · 02/12/2024 16:15

Wow, I think we have a late entry and very strong contender for cheeky fucker of the year.

Astonishing. She's accusing you of 'making things awkward' Shock

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 02/12/2024 16:16

Piss taking users never take kindly to being told they are piss taking users. She's trying to make you the bad guy here. Don't let her.

Let her sulk.

You don't need to reply to her message or justify yourself to her in any way.

Anotherparkingthread · 02/12/2024 16:27

I'm quite well off now. I grew up poor and I know lots of people who are poor.

Tell her you have spent the money. Tell her after you paid off your credit card debts there was hardly and left. Tell her you don't have 4k to lend her.

She's going to ask again and again, frankly she is using you to float her lifestyle and account. If the bank won't lend her 6k because of the risk why would you?

Therealjudgejudy · 02/12/2024 16:32

Your reply was spot on op. Her response shows what an entitled bitch she is...

zingally · 02/12/2024 16:32

Of course you don't give it to her! She took you for a merry ride last time! She's got a brass cheek even DARING to ask.

Personally, I'd reply to her message with a string of laughing face emojis and a "You're kidding right?!"

Honestly, she must have the self awareness of a ball sack.

zingally · 02/12/2024 16:35

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 15:57

She has replied and said nice one for making me feel really awkward.

Good! I'm glad she feels awkward! Maybe she'll do some self-reflection.

Your message to her was A+. Well done OP!

Iloveacurry · 02/12/2024 16:35

How self absorbed she is!