Friend asking for money

[Goldilock1234]

Good Morning All,

I have been advised by another friend to post on here for some unbiased advice, so here I am.

Bit of back story on myself. Single mum working full time, my daughters father decided to die on me 10 years ago so no help from him (sorry for my dark humour) - got 30k in an inheritance pay out last Jan. I have never had spare money- I have enough to get by, but never any savings etc. This money has obviously given me a lovely boost.

The June after I received the money I had a message from one of my best friends saying she was in trouble and needed to borrow 6k urgently or she would lose her house. She promised I would have it back the following month. She did not pay it back and it got to the awkward stage of her never mentioning it where I had to bring it up. She kept promising weekly that she would pay the money into my account that Friday. It never came- there was always an excuse of why she couldn't pay. It got extremely stressful and the excuses of why she couldn't became ridiculous.

Anyway, it got to the point that she was going on luxury holidays and bought a new car so I met up with her and flat out said it was causing me a lot of stress and I was panicking it was not coming back. I know people say not to lend money you don't have spare but honestly I thought the friendship was strong.

Long story short she sent it back, I had a discussion about how it had made me feel mugged off and we moved on. I made a vow to myself never to lend money again.

She has messaged me this morning asking to borrow 4k again as she has overspent on something and is unable to pay off a debt on her mortgage again and is saying she will pay it back next week.

I now feel awkward and disappointed. I am not lending it to her after the stress of last time and I am just very upset she seems to be seeing me as a cash cow- despite knowing how much I have struggled and this is the first time I have been able to provide stability and a stable plan for my daughters future.

Now I also feel like I should be helping her as the money is there (but it is not spare money to me- it's sitting there but it's allocated in savings to something), but I do not want to go through this process again with her of trying to get it back.

Thankyou.

Oh you were doing so well then told me your daughter has £100 spare , can I borrow £50 please 😂

Incredible that after taking so long to pay you back last time, and basically needing you to practically twist her arm to give you back your money, that she would have the brass neck to ask again. And even blocked you on posts where she spent on luxury items, so you wouldn't know that she didn't really need the money.

This woman isn't a real friend, probably never was, and I'm so glad you said "No" to her.

Who asks a widowed mum for money? It's so over-the-top in its insensitivity and selfishness!

Give yourself a nice pat on the back for standing up for yourself and your child; and anytime someone asks you for money in the future, remember this experience.

Tell her that due to the awkwardness over repayment last time you cant go through that again.

The OP has already done exactly this, see her post upthread.

I want to know what she's bought that needs 4000 today urgently but can be paid back next week. Fascinating how some people live!

Well done on your reply to her OP.

Never ever tell friends about windfalls.

I can't believe people have the cheek to ask to borrow such sums of money.
It would be no from me, however much and you are making a living the same as anyone and so should she, save or ask the bank!

Not for the original post. Surely everyone already read that?

It's a very common complaint, people quoting the first post for the reasons pp mentioned above: it's annoying having to scroll down it over and over again.

Agree 100 per cent with this. Lucky escape.
Don't put yourself through this awful stress again.

Tell her its been invested in long term ISA for your children which has gone down and you can't get the money out again without losing a substantial amount. Or simply say. I'm sorry, I cannot do that. and repeat, repeat. If she won't stop tugging on your heart strings and guilt tripping you get up and walk away.

This is important money for YOU and YOUR CHILDREN for emergencies. Not for your spendthrift friend. You are allowed to say no without being classed as mean.

Take a giant step back from this person too as they will continue to leech off you, its your round you've just had an inheritance etc..

She's no friend. Do not give her another penny. I'd stop seeing her for a while unless it was free tbh.

Just no !

No no no and no again. You must not lend her this money.

Sorry OP.. just seen that you sent her a very clear message saying No. Well done! Also... The Maldives?? FFS.

I saw someone suggesting investing the money in Premium Bonds..
They are an investment with very specific rules and not suitable for everyone's needs, so its not something to jump into without careful research.
This article explains very clearly
https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/savings/premium-bonds/

I would say no, tell her it's tied up in something and not easily accessible.

A family member had a bad spell of not being able to work and fell into borrowing. Not the amounts you're talking but it went from £20 here and there to £200 every few weeks. Not long after it was paid back it was borrowed again.

They let me down not paying it back on time and I found out they were borrowing from lots of different family members and just paying one person back with another's money.

I felt bad but I just told them I wouldn't be lending them any more since they owed so much out and made things difficult for me not paying me back on time. Being able to help someone out is one thing, being taken for granted as an interest free overdraft option is another.

The family member obviously took the huff but it meant they had a lesson in not spending money they didn't have.

It doesn't take a month to get your money back from premium bonds, it's two to three days.

I honestly can't believe you have to ask this question 🤦‍♀️

Nice response Op.
Sounds like you’ve got this. She’ll try someone else to fund her holiday or whatever it is.

I can't believe you actually got the 6k back! I couldn't be friends with her especially after blocking you seeing hols.

I know 🙈

Am I allowed to make my own mind up how to post? (NB I think I will anyway)

Hmm interesting she suddenly needs it just before Christmas. Say no. I’d be prepared to lose the friendship if she kept hassling.

Yes I was wondering that too!

That's a heck of a cash flow change from one week to the next!

"The first time the excuses she was coming up with were clear lies. Also blocking me from seeing certain things on social media such as holidays."

Still odd to block her good friend from seeing posts pertaining to her fancy holiday she was on.

Don’t make up fibs or something. I have been directly asked for money and just said no. I am still a decade down the line still friends with this friend as she was actually a real friend.

I reckon she’s borrowing these kind of amounts from multiple people to fund a lifestyle she can’t afford.

she may well louse her house but that’s because she prioritises expensive holidays over paying her mortgage. It’s a pyramid scheme