Friend asking for money

[Goldilock1234]

Good Morning All,

I have been advised by another friend to post on here for some unbiased advice, so here I am.

Bit of back story on myself. Single mum working full time, my daughters father decided to die on me 10 years ago so no help from him (sorry for my dark humour) - got 30k in an inheritance pay out last Jan. I have never had spare money- I have enough to get by, but never any savings etc. This money has obviously given me a lovely boost.

The June after I received the money I had a message from one of my best friends saying she was in trouble and needed to borrow 6k urgently or she would lose her house. She promised I would have it back the following month. She did not pay it back and it got to the awkward stage of her never mentioning it where I had to bring it up. She kept promising weekly that she would pay the money into my account that Friday. It never came- there was always an excuse of why she couldn't pay. It got extremely stressful and the excuses of why she couldn't became ridiculous.

Anyway, it got to the point that she was going on luxury holidays and bought a new car so I met up with her and flat out said it was causing me a lot of stress and I was panicking it was not coming back. I know people say not to lend money you don't have spare but honestly I thought the friendship was strong.

Long story short she sent it back, I had a discussion about how it had made me feel mugged off and we moved on. I made a vow to myself never to lend money again.

She has messaged me this morning asking to borrow 4k again as she has overspent on something and is unable to pay off a debt on her mortgage again and is saying she will pay it back next week.

I now feel awkward and disappointed. I am not lending it to her after the stress of last time and I am just very upset she seems to be seeing me as a cash cow- despite knowing how much I have struggled and this is the first time I have been able to provide stability and a stable plan for my daughters future.

Now I also feel like I should be helping her as the money is there (but it is not spare money to me- it's sitting there but it's allocated in savings to something), but I do not want to go through this process again with her of trying to get it back.

Thankyou.

Is she married or partnered?

Do they wonder where the money goes?

You are extremely lucky you got that money back from her.
You know she spends a lot on non-essentials.
Do NOT give her a penny more
Also, she is very lucky to still have a friend like you after she messed you about!

WTF, cheeky cow! Absolutely do NOT lend her any more money and do NOT feel guilty about it.

I was made bankrupt and an acquaintance, not even really a friend, asked if I was okay for money. When I said yes (only because I'd been advised to stop paying my mortgage) she asked if she could borrow £20! I was so shocked I just handed it over. Took over a year for her to pay it back and only then because she was effectively cornered by my then partner.

You're blocked on social media so that she can come back for a second bite at the cherry. @Goldilock1234

Mea Culpa

She has messaged me this morning asking to borrow 4k again as she has overspent on something and is unable to pay off a debt on her mortgage again and is saying she will pay it back next week

Just send back a text saying this....

😂🤣

Any response OP?

Good response, although your (late) husbands approach would equally have been justifiable.

Hopefully your pseudo friend fucks off and leaves you alone.

If not, maybe now its your turn to block her. See how she likes it.

That money isn’t to lend out, it’s your security.

You're not a bank.

It’s not a great sign that your feelings have gone in one ear and out the other.

I’m glad you’re not lending her any more money. She is no friend frankly, just a user.

She says she can pay you next week - I'd tell to just give it to the lender a week late - they're not going to evict her for being 1 week late! If she calls them and lets them know first they'll probably be fine with it as a 1 off.

The mortgage excuse is probably bullshit anyway but work with what she's given you!

Does she know about the inheritance?

Keeping private matters private avoids problems like the this.

GREAT response OP.

Your update about her blocking posts where she is making free with your money is really shocking. Many people can be hopeless with money, but that is really deceitful.

If the money is genuinely for her mortgage the bank will wait a week. She won't even get a late payment mark. She's lying to you. I have a friend like this. I do lend money up to £100, it never comes back. I have lent much more in the past but it has ended badly. I don't like people showing off expensive items and boasting when they owe money. I now tell people if they borrow a big sum my accountant will draw up a contract. You're a widow she should have more respect.

Say to her that your daughter comes first and you need it for her. Your friend knows what you have been through so really shouldn't be behaving like this.

Stay strong! You did a very kind thing last time, she punished you for it and that's on her. I'm sorry she has treated you badly.

she’s outrageous. you have done just the right thing. And I too would bin her as a friend; she is not thinking of you at all!

Do you need to even ask?
Why does she even know you had an inheritance.
Keep your personal finances private.

Just say you don’t have it. Invested, spent or whatever. She can find some other sucker.

The line I used to a family member asking to borrow money was 'I don't have that sort of money to lend'. Which was literally true. I had that money but it was for other purposes, not to lend. Family member got by without it.

Oh, do they not? I actually find it useful to see what a poster is replying to. Each to their own though

Please don't lend her the money again, or any other friend for that matter. It will end badly. It's so not worth the stress. She really shouldn't have the nerve to ask after the last time.

I prefer to see what a poster is referring to as well.
The quote button exists to quote people, surely?!
That's what it's there for!
Ignore those being dicks about it, think they must think themselves some kind of Thread Police. 🙄

Good grief, I thought you were going to say another friend now wanted to borrow some money but the same one!!!!!?????

She can jog on can't she!!! Cheeky mare!!

And, FWIW, this is why, though it's so easy to slip up in the moment such as when something like your windfall occurs, never, never, never let on to anyone how much money you have - no good ever comes of it. As your 'friend' has shown in her eyes you are now her personal piggy bank and that's not a workable dynamic going forwards.

Tell her to GTFO.

So, you need people to quote the opening post, what the whole thread is based on, to understand that they are replying to the thread you are actually looking at?

Everytime someone quotes the opening post of a thread, people complain and then go to “site stuff” and yet again, ask mumsnet to remove the quote feature from the OP’s first post. It’s the one post on the whole thread thag every single person has read. We don’t need to scroll past it a dozen times, it doesn’t need to be quoted. Can you imagine how long threads would get and how much dross you’d have to scroll through if every person quoted the OP?