Friend asking for money

[Goldilock1234]

Good Morning All,

I have been advised by another friend to post on here for some unbiased advice, so here I am.

Bit of back story on myself. Single mum working full time, my daughters father decided to die on me 10 years ago so no help from him (sorry for my dark humour) - got 30k in an inheritance pay out last Jan. I have never had spare money- I have enough to get by, but never any savings etc. This money has obviously given me a lovely boost.

The June after I received the money I had a message from one of my best friends saying she was in trouble and needed to borrow 6k urgently or she would lose her house. She promised I would have it back the following month. She did not pay it back and it got to the awkward stage of her never mentioning it where I had to bring it up. She kept promising weekly that she would pay the money into my account that Friday. It never came- there was always an excuse of why she couldn't pay. It got extremely stressful and the excuses of why she couldn't became ridiculous.

Anyway, it got to the point that she was going on luxury holidays and bought a new car so I met up with her and flat out said it was causing me a lot of stress and I was panicking it was not coming back. I know people say not to lend money you don't have spare but honestly I thought the friendship was strong.

Long story short she sent it back, I had a discussion about how it had made me feel mugged off and we moved on. I made a vow to myself never to lend money again.

She has messaged me this morning asking to borrow 4k again as she has overspent on something and is unable to pay off a debt on her mortgage again and is saying she will pay it back next week.

I now feel awkward and disappointed. I am not lending it to her after the stress of last time and I am just very upset she seems to be seeing me as a cash cow- despite knowing how much I have struggled and this is the first time I have been able to provide stability and a stable plan for my daughters future.

Now I also feel like I should be helping her as the money is there (but it is not spare money to me- it's sitting there but it's allocated in savings to something), but I do not want to go through this process again with her of trying to get it back.

Thankyou.

Well done for sending her such an uncompromising reply. 👏

I am glad the bank is closed and you are SO lucky you got it back previously!! Well done !

Yay!!!!! 👏👏👏

You don't need us OP, you've got this!

I don't think I said I need anything. I said I find it useful. You may not but there's no need to be rude about it. Politeness costs nothing. I won't be replying to you again.

If you feel awkward about saying no, tell her it's tied up in savings or you've bought a property with it.

I think you have missed the point. It is the quoting of the original post that is irritating, especially if it is long. Adding your comment to the thread usually means you are replying to the OP.

However, if you wish to subsequently quote another post then yes it is fine to use the quote button. Just not for the first post written by the OP.

Another one who has completely missed the point. You can happily quote posts, that's what the button is for. However continually quoting the original first post from the OP is not relevant, you can simply add your comment and everyone will know you are referring to the original post. If you want to quote a subsequent post then yes use the quote function.

Never a lendor nor a borrower, be!

As is often said on MN, 'No is a complete answer.' I often feel frustrated when people advise making excuses or overly explaining their behaviour - even worse, telling a lie. You are not responsible for funding any of your friends and especially after this friend let you down before. You don't need to 'pretend' that the money is already earmarked or locked away. I's yours, to do what you want with and your friend has no authority to demand you lend anything to them. We need to stand up for ourselves, e.g. if invited to an event and we don't want to go, just say, 'No thank you.' You don't need a reason because it's an invitation, not an obligation. When people advise elaborate excuses or invent illnesses or sudden family crises, it makes it harder to accept a person's genuine excuse. Well done for getting your finances on track and enjoy the feeling of safety and stability which that gives you.

Well did your “friend” ever get back to your message?

ps so proud of you!

Good God, just no! You will lose interest for starters while waiting for your “friend” to get round to paying it back. Not to mention of the stress again when you have to chase it. If you want to avoid feeling awkward, say it’s locked in a notice savings account so unable to access.

Well done OP.

You probably won't ever hear from her again. It must be upsetting to realise what she's like, a total user who was obviously hoping you'd give up so she wouldn't have to repay you last time. To ask again? You are well rid of her.

'No.

I couldn't if I wanted to, its all in long term savings/investments now, however after the way you mucked me around last time, I also do not want to. It won't help you manage your money properly in future, you need to stop overspending. Sell something to raise the cash.'

Your response is v good though, so many people just give an excuse and never actually say 'no, I don't want to, your behaviour in the past is the reason why'.

No. You are being really weird

Didn't it raise your suspiction when you found you were blocked? Absolutely no way would I offer her a loan again. Who needs all this anxiety - plus, the fact that she blatantly lied to you is further proof of her poor character. You'd be a food if you did that twice. The old Shame on me........

No. I’m saying what’s been repeated on thread after thread after thread.

It's not weird at all. Can I ask, when someone texts you do you simply reply to the text? Or do you quote the message and send it back to them with your reply?

Quoting the first post in the thread from the OP is like you doing option number 2, you wouldn't use text or whatsapp like that would you?

She’s an idiot because if she’d paid it back promptly last time you probably would have no real issue lending again. Definitely don’t give her any, say it’s spent/ locked up in daughter’s name.

She wasn’t blocked. Her friend just excluded her from viewing certain posts. When you post on social media, you can limit your audience so not all your friends can see that one specific post. So, they’re still friends on social media and the OP wasn’t blocked but when the friend posted about the holidays, she would have selected “visible to all except Goldilock1234.”

OP would never know posts were made that she couldn’t see because… she couldn’t see them. But could still see her friend’s profile and all other posts.

Please don’t lend this ‘friend’ a penny! She’s got a an absolute brass neck to ask again after taking so long to repay you! She is obviously living beyond her means with the luxury holidays etc but that is not your problem! She needs to learn to budget & not rely on others to bail her out.

Well she’s a cheeky so and so!
Can’t believe she’d ask again when she was reluctant to repay the last loan!

I’d never lend significant sums again - we had a very similar situation, lent a house deposit to a relative, and then his wife was busy buying all sorts. It made me very cross, and I told him why when we asked for the money back, dont think he’s really forgiven me, but I’m not being taken for a mug. Well done for sticking to your guns OP.

Well done op.

I shouldn’t have posted without reading to the end ! Well done OP ! Please stick to your guns !

Excellent text to her.
There is no way I would be risking your childs security blanket for a friend like that.
You learnt a hard lesson from her.
"Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me".

Real friends wouldn't dream of behaving like this.
Take a step back.
You deserve so much better than this.

You'll never see it again