Friend asking for money

[Goldilock1234]

Good Morning All,

I have been advised by another friend to post on here for some unbiased advice, so here I am.

Bit of back story on myself. Single mum working full time, my daughters father decided to die on me 10 years ago so no help from him (sorry for my dark humour) - got 30k in an inheritance pay out last Jan. I have never had spare money- I have enough to get by, but never any savings etc. This money has obviously given me a lovely boost.

The June after I received the money I had a message from one of my best friends saying she was in trouble and needed to borrow 6k urgently or she would lose her house. She promised I would have it back the following month. She did not pay it back and it got to the awkward stage of her never mentioning it where I had to bring it up. She kept promising weekly that she would pay the money into my account that Friday. It never came- there was always an excuse of why she couldn't pay. It got extremely stressful and the excuses of why she couldn't became ridiculous.

Anyway, it got to the point that she was going on luxury holidays and bought a new car so I met up with her and flat out said it was causing me a lot of stress and I was panicking it was not coming back. I know people say not to lend money you don't have spare but honestly I thought the friendship was strong.

Long story short she sent it back, I had a discussion about how it had made me feel mugged off and we moved on. I made a vow to myself never to lend money again.

She has messaged me this morning asking to borrow 4k again as she has overspent on something and is unable to pay off a debt on her mortgage again and is saying she will pay it back next week.

I now feel awkward and disappointed. I am not lending it to her after the stress of last time and I am just very upset she seems to be seeing me as a cash cow- despite knowing how much I have struggled and this is the first time I have been able to provide stability and a stable plan for my daughters future.

Now I also feel like I should be helping her as the money is there (but it is not spare money to me- it's sitting there but it's allocated in savings to something), but I do not want to go through this process again with her of trying to get it back.

Thankyou.

Why have you quoted the OP? We all read it. It doesn’t need quotes. And why would you reply to it without reading the rest of the OP’s posts?

Just say your money is tied up in account you have to give 6 months notice to access, so no can do.

Well done OP.

It's sad when friendships sour, but it's matter of inserting healthy boundaries. You've done the right thing as much as it takes a lot to say no.

Give her £500 and explain that's all you can afford🤔. No. OP has already said no and taking break from friend. If you give money grabbers an inch, they'll try for a mile. OP got her £6k back eventually but only after a lot of stress. You don't give an unreliable borrower another loan. You just say no. If this person is coming to OP after the debacle of last loan, that suggests she has burned all her other bridges but that's not for the OP to resolve.

Plenty of loan sharks who will let her pay back ‘next week’. They don’t give a shit about excuses.

Do not give it to her!

let her silk.

ignore her for a while until she figures out how else she can get it (or she needs to be sensible with her money).

I had an ex like this. He would borrow £10 here and there. Which turned to £50 and eventually it was £1k. I was meant to get it back within the month and it took almost a year to get it back. I have never borrowed money to him again. We have a daughter together - so he was always in my life.

I had to be willing to let the friendship go with it - he is clearly not a friend if it’s based on the condition that I lend money. And if the process of getting this money back is difficult and uncomfortable for both of us.

Your friend isn’t asking for £50 - it’s a good chunk.

I also avoid telling people about any large sums I receive for this exact reason too.

m I hope you hold your ground x

God no. What a cf. I wouldn't even ask my parents for a 4k loan that's just ridiculous.
Tell her you are not a cash machine.

Definitely not and if you come into any more money DO NOT tell anyone. My OH came into an enormous amount recently. We both agreed not to mention it to anyone.

Exactly that if you feel you need an excuse.

and tell her that you will not discuss money with her from this point on.

Why are you so bothered about someone quoting OP post? How do you know this poster has not read all the OP's posts? If you have considered advice for OP, I'm sure she'd be interested to read it. If you just want to bash another poster who was trying to give OP some advice, I'm not sure why you think that helps anyone.

Please don't do this. Tell her your inheritance has gone and the only capital you have is your house.

I'm always lending my mate money. She never pays back on time but I get it back eventually without begging for it. Just say 'sorry I cant' if she pushes just say 'I can't my hands on that sort of money' just leave it as that. How can she 4k in week to pay you back?

Your “friend” sounds horrible. It was really kind of you to lend her the money last time, but she completely took the piss. Well done on standing up for yourself.

Don't give it and don't feel guilty about it.

Tell her the money is tied up/accounted for etc and keep saying no. In future make sure you don't tell people about your finances and when you come into money.

Stay strong.
a simple "No I can't do that" should be enough but if she persists tell her that it has been spent.

Tbh I think this friendship had already run its course last time - although thankfully you did get it back, but presumably had missed out on interest. She clearly just sees you as someone to scrounge off.

As Dave Ramsey says you are not responsible for someone else’s poor money choices.

YANBU. Do not fell awkward or guilty. And frankly, I’d be distancing myself from her. She’s no friend.

No one likes it when someone comes along and quotes the OP. Mumsnet are asked every couple of days to remove the quote function from the OP because it’s totally unnecessary and makes the site unreadable when you have to scroll past the OP 50 times in a thread.

Just stop it.

Under absolutely no circumstances whatsoever do you give her another penny.

The End.

This is a case on which to channel your inner Phoebe - I'm glad you are not lending:

Just say no. No need for you explain yourself, or make an excuse as to why you can't lend it. No need to apologise or feel bad.

She knows full well why you won't be lending her any money, so just say no.

This is one of those occasions where no really is a full sentence.

I definitely would say you have invested the money in your pension as it gave you tax relief from the government and was a no brainer, you cant touch it until you're retired. Sorry and all that.

It's a nice idea to be firm and just say no, but if you do she will start with the sob stories and emotional blackmail and guilt and you don't need that. Probably tell people you are sat on all this money and haven't helped her out and what a bad person you are.

Her life is robbing Peter to pay Paul, your money will be to pay a debt back to someone else, then she will be trying to borrow to pay you back....or not bother.

I would drop her as a friend, but I can understand your reluctance to do this.

If I ever have a chunk of cash I am going to make sure I keep it to myself. Unless my friends are more minted than me. No good comes of it!

Say no.. stop feeling bad. You'll feel worse if you gave it to her and this time it never came back. Then you've done yourself and your daughters a big disservice. Sorry OP but she does see you as a cash cow, you need to tell her it's tied up now in an account where you can't access it easily without paying penalties etc.or that it's invested somewhere. Do not tell other people your financial position.ever. you need to get thay in your head and stick to it otherwise many more friendships will be compromised.

Missed this before I replied.

Bloody well done, good on you!

Don't make the same mistake twice .
I actually can't believe you got the first lot back .
You were very lucky to get the money back
I expected you to say she ended the friendship and you never saw her or your money again.
For god's sake ,say no and mean it