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Original poster

Friend asking for money

646 replies

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 09:16

Good Morning All,

I have been advised by another friend to post on here for some unbiased advice, so here I am.

Bit of back story on myself. Single mum working full time, my daughters father decided to die on me 10 years ago so no help from him (sorry for my dark humour) - got 30k in an inheritance pay out last Jan. I have never had spare money- I have enough to get by, but never any savings etc. This money has obviously given me a lovely boost.

The June after I received the money I had a message from one of my best friends saying she was in trouble and needed to borrow 6k urgently or she would lose her house. She promised I would have it back the following month. She did not pay it back and it got to the awkward stage of her never mentioning it where I had to bring it up. She kept promising weekly that she would pay the money into my account that Friday. It never came- there was always an excuse of why she couldn't pay. It got extremely stressful and the excuses of why she couldn't became ridiculous.

Anyway, it got to the point that she was going on luxury holidays and bought a new car so I met up with her and flat out said it was causing me a lot of stress and I was panicking it was not coming back. I know people say not to lend money you don't have spare but honestly I thought the friendship was strong.

Long story short she sent it back, I had a discussion about how it had made me feel mugged off and we moved on. I made a vow to myself never to lend money again.

She has messaged me this morning asking to borrow 4k again as she has overspent on something and is unable to pay off a debt on her mortgage again and is saying she will pay it back next week.

I now feel awkward and disappointed. I am not lending it to her after the stress of last time and I am just very upset she seems to be seeing me as a cash cow- despite knowing how much I have struggled and this is the first time I have been able to provide stability and a stable plan for my daughters future.

Now I also feel like I should be helping her as the money is there (but it is not spare money to me- it's sitting there but it's allocated in savings to something), but I do not want to go through this process again with her of trying to get it back.

Thankyou.

OP posts:
ihfa · 02/12/2024 12:17

She can get to fuck.

85isalive · 02/12/2024 12:18

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 11:57

The first time the excuses she was coming up with were clear lies. Also blocking me from seeing certain things on social media such as holidays. I didn't tell anyone i'd lent her money so when other friends were like Oh M looks like she's having fun in The Maldives what an amazing holiday I was blocked to be none the wiser.

Show quote history

Your response to her was spot on. She has a cheek asking, knowing she stressed you out before. If she's short 4k for 1 week, she can pay whoever she owes a week late, and take whatever penalty she is charged as a result.

If I had to borrow money, I would be living like a hermit until it was paid back. I'd go short to make sure I met my commitment to paying it. I wouldn't be swanning off places and blocking my friend from seeing it.

So if she doesn't mind being a cheeky fecker, you shouldn't mind one bit that you've said No.

Cattery · 02/12/2024 12:18

I can’t believe she’s even asked! CF

Raindropskeepfallinonmyhead · 02/12/2024 12:20

God she has got a fucking cheek. Hard no then avoid her like the plague.

Lobelia123 · 02/12/2024 12:20

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 11:57

The first time the excuses she was coming up with were clear lies. Also blocking me from seeing certain things on social media such as holidays. I didn't tell anyone i'd lent her money so when other friends were like Oh M looks like she's having fun in The Maldives what an amazing holiday I was blocked to be none the wiser.

Show quote history

I think its starting to dawn on you that she did a real number on you. I doubt very much she had a life or death, losing the house crisis. I think she wanted to go on a luxury holiday and you bankrolled the credit for that. hence all the deceit and trying to hide things from you. You would probably have had seond thoughts about raiding your inheritance for her to go sit on a beach in her bikini, but the emotional leverage of a crisis around losing her house would have been very persuasive. A really shitty, manipulative, cynical thing to do. You are well shot of this user.

sickandtiredofitallnow · 02/12/2024 12:22

Reply 'after last time? No chance' then block

She is NOT your friend.

LBFseBrom · 02/12/2024 12:22

You're not being unreasonable at all. I'm glad you got your 8k back eventually. If you really want to help your friend tell her you cannot afford that much but can give her £500 and suggest she tries some sort of debt management. It is possible, a friend of mine got into difficulty and her bank helped her sort it out.

You are a good person but we all have limits.

Blueblell · 02/12/2024 12:24

Tell her it is all in a savings account you cannot access for 2 years.

Badburyrings · 02/12/2024 12:26

That is an excellent reply OP. Well done you. Very graciously done but points out exactly the issue and what an awful CF your so called "friend" is. Dreadful behaviour, you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Pinkpantherstrikes · 02/12/2024 12:28

You Definitely find out who your true friends are when you come into some money. I don't tell anyone my financial situation good or bad and I’d never lend more than I’d be happy to never see again( which isn’t much)

Stick by your guns; you’ve nothing to feel guilty about.

Member984815 · 02/12/2024 12:30

Don't give her any money , she's proven she can't budget properly you risk never getting it back . Her debts are not your problem. If you needed an excuse I'd say I used that money to pay off old debts and it's gone now

InSpainTheRain · 02/12/2024 12:32

Do not lend her any money! Close the conversation down, she is not your friend!

Member984815 · 02/12/2024 12:32

Just saw your update , well done 👏

Chiconbelge · 02/12/2024 12:34

No, and this person is NOT your friend and she’s shown you that she is not someone you can lend money to.

As pp have said put it somewhere where it is earning you interest or the premium bonds so you can just say it’s there. You need it for you and your DD.

Baileysandcream · 02/12/2024 12:36

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 11:57

The first time the excuses she was coming up with were clear lies. Also blocking me from seeing certain things on social media such as holidays. I didn't tell anyone i'd lent her money so when other friends were like Oh M looks like she's having fun in The Maldives what an amazing holiday I was blocked to be none the wiser.

Show quote history

Please don't think of lending her any money and please don't feel guilty. This is not how friends treat each other, she is really taking the piss.

SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament · 02/12/2024 12:38

Great response. But prepare yourself: she's going to crank up the sob story this time and try to wheedle the cash out of you. Say no x 1000. I can't believe the brass bollocks on her.

Onthesideofthespiders · 02/12/2024 12:38

Well done for laying it out like that. She sounds sneaky and selfish. Hold firm and I hope she doesn’t start being nasty, especially around mutual friends.

ManchesterLu · 02/12/2024 12:39

That's an astonishing amount of money to "overspend" and she clearly has form for it. Bailing her out won't help. I speak from experience of lending a large amount of money to a friend in the past. It got paid back eventually but cost the friendship.

Cartwrightandson · 02/12/2024 12:41

Absolutely not..do not give her anything, don't give in and I would consider ending the friendship as she'll become upset you aren't giving it to her

Womblewife · 02/12/2024 12:42

No - two her it’s all gone on bills, then watch her go to, as you will not be useful anymore.

VexedofVirginiaWater · 02/12/2024 12:42

So glad you have made your position clear - so that there is no chance of her coming back again for a loan. I think this time she hoped you had been lulled by her (eventually) paying back the £6k and that this time she just wouldn't have paid you back at all. It's a bad feeling when a friend isn't who you thought they were.

876543A · 02/12/2024 12:44

I'd send her a link to a debt support website

Wrapmelon · 02/12/2024 12:45

Wowie well said!🙏 very well

skyeisthelimit · 02/12/2024 12:49

wow, that is awful, blocking you from things so you can't see she is holiday, when she owes you thousands. that shows that she knew she was out of order in not repaying you.

You have made the right decision to not lend and also to step away from the friendship

Nanny0gg · 02/12/2024 12:50

Goldilock1234 · 02/12/2024 09:16

Good Morning All,

I have been advised by another friend to post on here for some unbiased advice, so here I am.

Bit of back story on myself. Single mum working full time, my daughters father decided to die on me 10 years ago so no help from him (sorry for my dark humour) - got 30k in an inheritance pay out last Jan. I have never had spare money- I have enough to get by, but never any savings etc. This money has obviously given me a lovely boost.

The June after I received the money I had a message from one of my best friends saying she was in trouble and needed to borrow 6k urgently or she would lose her house. She promised I would have it back the following month. She did not pay it back and it got to the awkward stage of her never mentioning it where I had to bring it up. She kept promising weekly that she would pay the money into my account that Friday. It never came- there was always an excuse of why she couldn't pay. It got extremely stressful and the excuses of why she couldn't became ridiculous.

Anyway, it got to the point that she was going on luxury holidays and bought a new car so I met up with her and flat out said it was causing me a lot of stress and I was panicking it was not coming back. I know people say not to lend money you don't have spare but honestly I thought the friendship was strong.

Long story short she sent it back, I had a discussion about how it had made me feel mugged off and we moved on. I made a vow to myself never to lend money again.

She has messaged me this morning asking to borrow 4k again as she has overspent on something and is unable to pay off a debt on her mortgage again and is saying she will pay it back next week.

I now feel awkward and disappointed. I am not lending it to her after the stress of last time and I am just very upset she seems to be seeing me as a cash cow- despite knowing how much I have struggled and this is the first time I have been able to provide stability and a stable plan for my daughters future.

Now I also feel like I should be helping her as the money is there (but it is not spare money to me- it's sitting there but it's allocated in savings to something), but I do not want to go through this process again with her of trying to get it back.

Thankyou.

Don't you dare!

Not even with it in writing with a payment schedule

She's totally feckless with money and it's not your problem

(She's also a shit friend)