To expect my SIL to keep her aggressive cat away during Xmas?

[juiceboxjuggle]

My sister-in-law (SIL), has a cat that’s… let’s just say, difficult. The cat is quite aggressive—she’s bitten me before while I was just sitting on the sofa, scratched my husband simply for sitting too close to her toy, and even leapt at people with claws out from the back of a sofa or armchair. She also has this habit of scratching legs under the table while people are eating. It’s not exactly a relaxing presence.

This Christmas, we’re staying at my parents-in-law’s (PILs) house for two nights, which is non-negotiable with my husband. SIL will also be staying, and, as always, she’ll be bringing her cat. The cat is her world, and last year, when I gently suggested she keep the cat in a separate room during meals, she was really upset. She insists the cat needs to be “free to roam.”

As a result, last Christmas was stressful. Despite my best efforts to keep an eye on my two toddlers, one of them ended up with a big scratch from the cat while swinging their legs under the table—just normal kid behavior. To make matters worse, my husband has also been scratched in the past, simply because the cat was annoyed he wasn’t feeding her.

I’m dreading a repeat of last year and honestly don’t know how to handle this situation. How do I keep my kids safe without upsetting SIL again? I’d love to be able to enjoy a meal without constantly chasing the cat away or worrying about potential injuries. Any advice on how to navigate this?

Also - your DC won't forget that Your DH chose his sister's cat over them.
And wouldn't forget that either

She's a fucking clown. Kids get accidental cuts and grazes from running around, having fun. How is that comparable to being clawed by a bloody cat while sitting at the dinner table minding your own business?
Anyway, you've made your position clear to the whole family of fruit-loops now. Leave them to their ridiculous, child-free Christmas. Hell mend them, as my mum would have said.

Also, there's a yawning gap between a grazed knee and a bit of gravel and a swipe across a child's eye from a cat's claw. Also, does this particular cat bite? Cats' mouths absolutely teem with horrible bacteria, enough to give an adult human sepsis. When we were at the vet during the summer with our tortie, my husband got her tail trapped as he put her back in her carrier. Quick as a flash, her head went down and she bit his hand hard enough to draw blood. I should add that I've never met a sweeter, more chilled cat, (she'd never done anything like that in 8 years) but even she has her limits. The vet gave my husband an antibacterial wipe and told him to see a GP. As it turned out, he was fine, no need for medical attention, but the point is that even nice cats bite and claw and can do a lot of damage.

Just seen the update - well unfortunately that was all very predictable! It was clear they had no intention of keeping the cat in the room and were just banking on emotionally manipulating you.

Well done on sticking to your guns and booking the tickets!

Yeah SIL's take on it is "don't they get cuts and grazes in the playground". By that logic - I may burn myself making dinner tonight so why don't I jump into a burning building for fun.

Your sister in law sounds more horrific with every update. She has zero empathy for anyone apart from herself by the sounds of it.

Is she really comparing a kid grazing their knee to having an animal attack them? Aside from the risk of infection, there’s the mental impact of it. Or does she want your kids to develop a fear of cats?

I was scratched twice as a kid by friends cats and the cut wasn’t deep at all , didn’t even break my skin. However being attacked by an animal was still psychologically an unpleasant experience and sticks in my mind far more than the cuts and bumps I got while having fun playing with friends.

Your husband should be ashamed of himself. Tell him it’s you who won’t forget him prioritising his sister and her cat, if he doesn’t back you up.

That boat rocking analogy upthread was bang on.

They are all insane, jumping to pacify the batshit drama llama sister (who is old enough to know better) and her enabler drama llama mother.

DH will never forget? How about YOU will never forget that he prioritised his sister’s tantrum over the safety of his children?

SIL's wrong to compare cat scratches to playground scrapes. They can easily leed to infection and need to be medicated. Cat mouths have a lot of bacteria.

Sorry they all sound batshit crazy.

I hope you and your DC have a lovely Christmas either way!

My old cat was unsocialised and very aggressive to strangers especially children (but usually very affectionate to me thankfully).

When friends with children visited I always kept them apart and warned them.

Yes I'm sadly childless but although I loved her to bits I would never have inflicted her on relatives like your SIL is doing with her cat.
I would have found a capable cattery for the few days.

I have never ever met a cat like this. Ever.

If the cat is locked up and you do go, she'll make your life a misery. I'd stay away.

Poor fucking cat, so many adults here who would harm the cat, who may be an arsehole but is basically a stressed animal being dragged from house to house by a total fucking idiot... and therefore innocent..

Just don't go. Don't make a drama, don't threaten the cat or hurt the cat, just stick to your guns 'the cat is a risk to the kids, we'll stay at home, feel free to visit us (assuming you're cat free!) if you wish'.

If the GP's want to see their GC they'll sort it - if they prioritise SIL and her cat more then probably better off knowing that and dealing with that accordingly.

Yep, I am sure adult human feelings will be hurt but so what, neither kids nor cat will be and thats actually important here.

I think the catnip toys are a good idea to keep the cat occupied. They go into a sort of trance with catnip.

have a couple in your bag and throw them into the corner to keep it out the way.

Not all of them. It isn’t worth the risk.

OP isn’t going. She’s booked to visit her family in Forrin with the DC.

Hope your dh has chosen the right side and is going with you for christmas

I have followed this from the start. Your in laws sound batshit like very hard work!

As I said in my previous post, cat scratches can be very nasty. Ditto cat bites. I know a veterinary nurse who ended up in A and E needing very strong antibiotics for a horribly infected cat bite. Her finger swelled up like a balloon and her blood test showed insanely high levels of infection.

Have a lovely visit with your family!

I ended up in A&E with blood pouring from several deep scratches on the back of my head, after not knowing how to handle a very nervous cat.

It was completely my fault, & I was lucky that none of them got infected. But it’s absolutely not worth the risk around kids.

If your SIL was contented with her life and her cat that would be one thing. But all these tears and 'she's so fragile...had hard year as she is single' etc is nuts.

ILs and DH tip-toeing around SIL's dysfunctional behaviour will do her no favours at all. If they loved her they would gently encourage her to broaden her life.

Well done to you for not buying into all the nonsense. When it comes down to it I doubt for a moment your DH will want to be with the three of them. It sounds like constant hard work. I bet he's stunned you're standing your ground.

I know of someone who had this - an adult tour guide who was scratched while working abroad - was in hospital for weeks, as it can be very serious.

Is your dh coming with you and kids? Hope so! @juiceboxjuggle

Referring to the fact that women nag their husbands and play with their moods to get their way (why are you being quiet? Oh it's nothing)

The 'nagging' woman is a tired old trope. If men did their fair share then women wouldn't have to 'nag' aka express their needs.

Anyway, please do update us if DH is coming with you or not.

You say he's 'driven by rationality' but a man who tells his wife 'I'll never forget this' when she puts in place boundaries after repeated warnings does not sound wholly rational.

Well done for sticking up for your kids. Your SIL is pathetic. Well and truly pathetic. A cat isn't comparable to a human child. She is unhinged.
So you all need to pay the price of walking on eggshells around her just because she doesn't have a man or child? To hell with that. Good on you for stopping this pandering to her. Your dh is also pathetic for letting it come to this. Your SIL has lost a grip of reality and you and your kids shouldn't be a part of her circus. What a batshit unhinged woman.

Sadly my DH would choose to keep his sister happy

What happened in the end @juiceboxjuggle ?? Did you go away for Christmas or did catwoman come to her senses?

Totally disgusting suggestion. Animal abuse is not even remotely a joking matter