To expect my SIL to keep her aggressive cat away during Xmas?

[juiceboxjuggle]

My sister-in-law (SIL), has a cat that’s… let’s just say, difficult. The cat is quite aggressive—she’s bitten me before while I was just sitting on the sofa, scratched my husband simply for sitting too close to her toy, and even leapt at people with claws out from the back of a sofa or armchair. She also has this habit of scratching legs under the table while people are eating. It’s not exactly a relaxing presence.

This Christmas, we’re staying at my parents-in-law’s (PILs) house for two nights, which is non-negotiable with my husband. SIL will also be staying, and, as always, she’ll be bringing her cat. The cat is her world, and last year, when I gently suggested she keep the cat in a separate room during meals, she was really upset. She insists the cat needs to be “free to roam.”

As a result, last Christmas was stressful. Despite my best efforts to keep an eye on my two toddlers, one of them ended up with a big scratch from the cat while swinging their legs under the table—just normal kid behavior. To make matters worse, my husband has also been scratched in the past, simply because the cat was annoyed he wasn’t feeding her.

I’m dreading a repeat of last year and honestly don’t know how to handle this situation. How do I keep my kids safe without upsetting SIL again? I’d love to be able to enjoy a meal without constantly chasing the cat away or worrying about potential injuries. Any advice on how to navigate this?

If your DH is happy for his kids to get scratched then let him deal with it.

As an animal lover, some people are fucking insane. Make your DP take the hardline and say the cat MUST be kept away from your children. They can’t be harmed! x

Oh dear, someone must have left the front door open by accident and the cat got shut out.
I love cats but I wouldn't be putting up with that shit.

Firstly it’s bizarre to bring your cat to stay at someone else’s home, surely. Secondly, while I find this cat hilarious, the presence of children makes it less so. For me it would either be SIL leaves the cat at home or you don’t go.

Is your husband not bothered that your toddlers / he / you are getting scratched by this horrible cat?

Take some Pet Remedy spray and a couple of fresh catnip kick sticks. The cat will be obsessed with these and should be entertained for ages.

It should also help to chill the cat out in a strange home.

What can I say to her? How do I even phrase it?

DH won't deal with it because his sister was literally in tears last year and his approach is that it's only 3 days / 2 nights, we should keep a close eye on our children, it'll be exhausting but at least peaceful (he avoids conflict like the plague).

For more context, his sister is child free but desperately wanted a child (never met the right man, hasn't dated for years) so she treats the cat like her child and sometimes compares the cat to her child ie "she's my baby, as much as X and Y are yours - how could I shut her out / how can I spend Xmas away from her?!" The PILs also don't intervene because they don't want to upset SIL. Any discussions regarding her cat being aggressive or in fact not equal in importance to a child end in SIL crying.

Spray your feet with Feliway.

Teach your dc to sit cross legged at the table, or kneel, if they are able.

Then fuss relentlessly. At the moment this is your problem. You need to make it their problem.
“Is the cat in here? Where’s the cat? Can anyone see the cat? Have you got a good grip on the cat?DH, keep an eye on the cat make sure it’s not near Fred. Is the cat scratching little Jenny? Come here, Jenny, sit on my lap, so the cat doesn’t scratch you. Ow, shit, that cat scratched me again!”

Ideally without teaching your dc to fear cats.

Ideally enough to make everyone sick of the sight of the cat.

If it's non negotiable with your husband, then I would be saying the kids safety is therefore totally his responsibility as it's him insisting on going, knowing that this cat is a menace, and if the kids get scratched by the cat again then it's the last time you will agree to go.

Point out that all the adults are putting the cat above the children, which is crazy seeing as it's not even the cats domain.

I understand that you’re sad for her but becoming overly emotional meaning she gets her own way about an aggressive animal is manipulation. I would fight fire with fire, start crying yourself about being worried about your DC’s safety.

I would tell DH you aren’t going. You need to prioritise your DC. He can still go if he wants to get savaged by SILS cat

Make the bitch cry.

"SIL. I'm telling you this once and once only. Your cat hurts my kids. I hurt your cat"

Obviously you shouldn't have to hurt the cat as she should then be proactive.

Bit shot being your kids though isn't it.
Everyone else loved more than them

What did she say when your children were hurt by a cat? I can’t believe people like this exist. I think I’d be not going.

I completely agree with everyone that it should be DH saying something, but it won't because he avoids conflict massively, so it'll have to be me.
He vaguely said something last year and the narrative was very much "how could you affect SIL? Look at her now, she's so upset and it's Christmas. It's bad enough for her as all her friends are with their husbands and children, and she naturally feels sad as she desperately wants that but can't have it. Don't add insult to injury"

Anyway... how do I phrase it and what do I say?

Did you post this last year? This seems very familiar.

I've had cats all my life and I would not allow mine to pester for food at the table. They get fed a gut-busting dinner just as I'm dishing up, so they are so full they aren't bothered by what we're eating.

I would also certainly attempt to separate cats from people who are uncomfortable in their presence, or (especially small children) who do not know how to behave around cats. More for the animal's benefit than the kids, to be honest.

Your SIL might think the cat is 'her world' and love it to bits, but by bringing the cat to a stressful environment like this, she is demonstrating that she knows fuck all about animal welfare and has a complete disregard of what would actually be best for the cat in question.

I would tell her the cat will be getting kicked if it scratches me or my children.

I had a cat like that, turned out she was blind in one eye and hated movement on that side but also hated the noise and hustle and bustle of a busy family home. When I moved out I took her with me and she turned into a lovely placid cat and never attacked again.

The cat would probably prefer to be kept in a quiet room away from everyone and the noise and commotion that comes with Christmas and children.

Don't come at it as the cat is aggressive maybe buy it a nice igloo or bed and then suggest to sister in law that the cat may like to spend time in a quiet room in it's new bed. Because it probably would prefer that.

You say “The DC and I are not coming as we don’t want to get injured by the cat.”

"Oh no! I hope Jenny is OK, I think Fuzz was just scared by the swinging legs"
and when my husband was scratched, I distinctly remember being shocked at her response of "ah she often does that, she wants to be fed"

I would be telling DH he can you on his own.

That poor cat is incredibly stressed and would be happier shut in a quiet room upstairs on its own.

Ask SIL how she would feel if one of your DC deliberate hurt her cat?

"he avoids conflict like the plague". But he doesn't if it's you he is in conflict (disagreement) with, it seems to me. Why is he avoiding conflict with SIL and PIL but thinks it's fine to unilaterally rule that it's non-negotiable that your family stay with PIL over Xmas?

Whatever you say is going to upset her, as you’ve seen, so you might as well be completely honest. She’s going to be pissy either way.
I’m disappointed in your husband and his family.

That cat is most likely stressed out at having to be transplanted into a busy, unfamiliar household setting. Who the hell would take a cat on a trip? Weird.

i would have to say something the the SIL.