To expect my SIL to keep her aggressive cat away during Xmas?

[juiceboxjuggle]

My sister-in-law (SIL), has a cat that’s… let’s just say, difficult. The cat is quite aggressive—she’s bitten me before while I was just sitting on the sofa, scratched my husband simply for sitting too close to her toy, and even leapt at people with claws out from the back of a sofa or armchair. She also has this habit of scratching legs under the table while people are eating. It’s not exactly a relaxing presence.

This Christmas, we’re staying at my parents-in-law’s (PILs) house for two nights, which is non-negotiable with my husband. SIL will also be staying, and, as always, she’ll be bringing her cat. The cat is her world, and last year, when I gently suggested she keep the cat in a separate room during meals, she was really upset. She insists the cat needs to be “free to roam.”

As a result, last Christmas was stressful. Despite my best efforts to keep an eye on my two toddlers, one of them ended up with a big scratch from the cat while swinging their legs under the table—just normal kid behavior. To make matters worse, my husband has also been scratched in the past, simply because the cat was annoyed he wasn’t feeding her.

I’m dreading a repeat of last year and honestly don’t know how to handle this situation. How do I keep my kids safe without upsetting SIL again? I’d love to be able to enjoy a meal without constantly chasing the cat away or worrying about potential injuries. Any advice on how to navigate this?

Damage limitation re the legs swinging under the table - make sure your children are wearing trousers so this cannot happen again this year

No way would I go and allow my small kids to be scratching posts for that evil cat. Dh could be upset about it all he likes.

If anyone ever kicked any of my cats they'd wish they hadn't.

I'm sorry but I'm afraid I wouldn't be going if SIL is taking her cat because of the injuries your children incurred last time.

It's me and the kids or the cat, and if the cat wins, I'd have Christmas at home with the children, and when PIL moan, tell them, they chose a cat, that was their choice, not mine.

If DH moans, then tell him to go, you'll see him when he get back.

The issue is that there aren't really things that the cat isn't allowed to do. Hard to explain, but she does a sort of "gentle parenting" with her cat. In the same way you wouldn't leave your child locked inside a room whilst everyone is eating, she wouldn't with her cat. You wouldn't firmly and strictly say to your child NO in gentle parenting, so SIL picks up the cat and calmly says "we shouldn't really scratch people, should we? That hurts!" whilst cuddling ie rewards the scratch with a cuddle.

Cat calming treats and catnip toys the calming treats will give the cat shit that stinks of a thousand deaths but it usually calms them down

I think frame it around the cats welfare. Hear me out..

Cats don't usually attack people, especially not children. They are tiny mammals and don't want to pick fights, they want to run away. I think this cat sounds really stressed out, they are highly territorial and sensitive to changes in environment. The cat would choose to stay home with an auto feeder.

I'd say something like "oh SIL your kitty seemed so stressed and anxious last year, I know the little angel wouldn't attack usually, have you thought about a home feeder? My DC were really upset after being attacked and I would want to destroy their relationship with cat".

If that doesn't work I'd just put your foot down and say you won't go if it means your kids might be attacked.

I’d rather upset my DH and SIL rather than have my very small children scratched and bitten by a (by the sounds of it stressed out and unsettled) cat, just saying. You’re protecting the wrong peoples feelings tiptoeing around your frankly ridiculous husband and his family. I also feel for the cat being carted about in all this.

'Avoids conflict'

Such a pleasant way of describing deeply cowardly behaviour which often impacts others negatively.

Your husband would rather your kids faces get scratched than grow a back bone. Nice.

Think that would just make them sick of OP to be honest.

@GranPepper honestly I've thought about this and I think it's partly my fault. As a person I'm calm and collected, I very rarely cry and it's never an emotional "how could you say that to me" crying, more like an "I'm upset about these news of family illness" crying.
Meanwhile SIL does a lot of emotional crying, running off, guilt tripping, has said things like "I'm no one's priority, my friends prioritise their families, my husband prioritises his wife and children and I'm not wanted by anyone"

I’d leave the kids at home but then Kitty is the boss in our house. Seriously, so sorry, OP. Another unnecessary level of stress at Christmas x

Rather than threatening to be an animal abusing prick, take what you'd have spent on SIL's present and buy

1 large Kickaroo toy
1 catnip spray
1 bag of Dreamies

The idea is to encourage the cat to be in the opposite direction of any humans for as much time as possible, so you spike the Kickaroo with extra catnip and chuck it across the room, chuck Dreamies down the hallway just before you sit down to eat, the cat has the best Christmas ever as she's off her tits on drugs and kitty crack snacks and all legs are safe, kicking or otherwise.

That's absolutely cruel and I would hope no person with an ounce of decency would do that.

I probably just wouldn't go for Christmas. I wouldn't want to spend my Christmas monitoring two toddlers to make sure they don't get scratched for swinging their legs or running past etc. It's not a relaxing holiday for me, or for them if I'm having to monitor everything like that.

I'd put mine in fairly thick trousers/socks/slippers and long sleeves, my sister in law is also childfree not really by choice and has little dogs I find annoying, I just mitigate because I love her and want everyone to be happy.

I agree the cat sounds stressed and anxious. That's not the behaviour of a happy and secure cat. It's a pity, but it's not your problem.

I also agree with the pp who says, 'Your husband would rather your kids faces get scratched than grow a back bone', and I would say this to him. He 'avoids conflict' but is fine with you being unhappy and your kids potentially being hurt. I would say this to him too. If he persists with 'it's only three days' shite, then I'd say he is welcome to go but you and the kids won't be.

What kind of disfunctional family puts a cat's wishes above two small children, plus adults, at risk of being scratched? It's crazy! Who goes visiting with their cat? And what kind of person is unwilling to put the cat in a separate room while family is having a meal? Unbelievable.
Your DH should deal with this to protect his children, but like so many DHs described on here, he may be too wimpy. If he will not ban the cat from the room, if not the house, you will have to make an utimatum OP. Say you are not prepared for your children to be cat scratched again. If cat is there, you and DC won't be. Its completely UR to expect anyone to put up with the cat.

I’d go for the catnip and sticking endless Dreamies down the cats gullet too.

As an aside, as a dog fan it’s refreshing to see a post about a cat being an absolute arse for once, not that this helps you OP.

Is the cat like this in its own home? Cats are territorial. Maybe the cat is stressed hence why it's being like that. When I leave my cat at the cattery he is very grumpy for the first night. Or when he has to go to the vets. At home he nothing like that.
I think it would be better for the cat (and your family) for it to be left at home.

One of my friends was really quite seriously injured by a neighbour's cat that jumped on her head as she was going up the stairs. The scratches were so deep had to have stitches in her head and face and has permanent scars.

Cats absolutely can cause serious damage and you are not being over dramatic with your totally reasonable request that it should be kept away from you and your children!

I actually think you have a bit of a DH problem- how on earth can he take his sisters side over the safety of his own children? His sister cried? Well boo hoo- she sounds like a spoilt self absorbed twat!

I wouldn’t dream of taking my cat with me when I go away. Poor thing.

Poor cat is probably stressed to hell and very frightened being taken to a strange place with a load of strange people. Cats thrive on familiarity in their environment. Take some cat treats and dangly toys to distract it. Shouting at it and being aggressive towards it will only make it worse. And it's a cat, not a mountain lion.

Well the cat might wish it hadn’t scratched someone’s child after it gets kicked.

OP, your husband is being pathetic. How can he allow your children to be harmed like that? Bear in mind it could be a face/eye scratch next time.

I’d be pulling out and insisting he back me on this . If he doesn’t like conflict why is he ok arguing with you?

DH actually suggested it, and SIL got offended saying that the cat is her family, her everything, would we ever send our child to boarding school even when they're older (not that they are awful places but we would not personally choose to for our own child and she knows this!)

As an aside, you called the cat "it". SIL has previously said she felt very hurt when her dad referred to the cat as "it". She's a she. It's that level...