To expect my SIL to keep her aggressive cat away during Xmas?

[juiceboxjuggle]

My sister-in-law (SIL), has a cat that’s… let’s just say, difficult. The cat is quite aggressive—she’s bitten me before while I was just sitting on the sofa, scratched my husband simply for sitting too close to her toy, and even leapt at people with claws out from the back of a sofa or armchair. She also has this habit of scratching legs under the table while people are eating. It’s not exactly a relaxing presence.

This Christmas, we’re staying at my parents-in-law’s (PILs) house for two nights, which is non-negotiable with my husband. SIL will also be staying, and, as always, she’ll be bringing her cat. The cat is her world, and last year, when I gently suggested she keep the cat in a separate room during meals, she was really upset. She insists the cat needs to be “free to roam.”

As a result, last Christmas was stressful. Despite my best efforts to keep an eye on my two toddlers, one of them ended up with a big scratch from the cat while swinging their legs under the table—just normal kid behavior. To make matters worse, my husband has also been scratched in the past, simply because the cat was annoyed he wasn’t feeding her.

I’m dreading a repeat of last year and honestly don’t know how to handle this situation. How do I keep my kids safe without upsetting SIL again? I’d love to be able to enjoy a meal without constantly chasing the cat away or worrying about potential injuries. Any advice on how to navigate this?

and with that said I'm booking tickets to my home country. DH got very cross, said if I go then he'll never forget it..

I am sorry your husband has taken that attitude, how awful of him he should be prioritising his wife and children dreadful that he is not.

You put it so much better than I did.

I think you have put a clear boundary in place that's fair and reasonable. Rather than compromise they tried to emotionally blackmail you into submission.

You need to say to them, at the absolute core of this situation is the health and safety of your children. Nothing else is worth more including SILs feelings or Christmas. We tried last year and unfortunately the kids were hurt, this situation was minimised by everyone to avoid hurting SILs feelings and now in order to avoid hurting them further I've offered a reasonable compromise which has been rejected. So the balls in your court, if you can come up with a solution where my children can enjoy Christmas without the fear of being hurt then by all means I will consider it. Otherwise we are going to my family instead.

You have absolutely stood by reasonable expectations and they are trying to railroad you into their view for their benefit.

I'm really saddened that your husband is not supporting you. But maybe that's for another thread!

Perfect

Thing is, I bet the poor cat would enjoy the space (and if it's in the kitchen the food!)

Im obsessed with my cat, he is my baby (feel free to vom)

But what the fuck
You don't take cats visiting with you like dogs.

I'd be loudly shaming her for abusing her pet by dragging it to other houses, out of its own comfort and territory.

She is a moron and I'd be loudly sympathising with the cat, saying km not surprised it's acting like a cunt, it wants to be AT HOME.

Fascinating observation. She does seem to be a hammer looking for a nail.

I'd pity the man walking in to that den!!! Holy heavens that man would have to completely head over heels in love with SiL or thick as two short planks to actively put themselves in to a position with a woman like this.

This is crazy. Cats are much more place animals than people animals. The cat would be happier at home in familiar territory, but clearly your SIL won't agree to this. She's putting her own needs before the animal's needs. It's probably nervous off home territory which makes it more likely to be aggressive.

You must put your foot down and insist, over SIL's tears and tantrums, that for times when the children will be vulnerable, the cat must be shut in another room. Cats are hunting carnivores and unfortunately, if they are really frightened, they will go for eyes. I know two people who were scratched in the eye by a frightened cat. It's dangerous, extremely painful and takes a long time to heal. It's like spending a week or more with a large piece of grit in your eye. Ask your DH to think of one of your DC spending Christmas in A&E with a scratched cornea, and get his support.

@juiceboxjuggle - you wrote "After listening to this a few times on repeat I just said that I understand it's difficult for SIL and it is Christmas - I don't want to ruin hers after a hard year. But my children are my absolute priority so I wish them a lovely Xmas but we are not coming, and with that said I'm booking tickets to my home country. DH got very cross, said if I go then he'll never forget it... so Xmas this year won't be very Xmassy for the kids "

I'm really shocked at how your DH is allowing his Sister and his Mother to interfere with his family. By not protecting his children this is what he is allowing happen. They are also affecting your marriage because if you go, "he'll never forget it" which sounds awfully like a threat to me.

I'd make the Christmas to your parents the best Christmas as it will be different and fun!

Maybe show DH this thread? The sheer weight of consensus here may well help him to gain some perspective

Why should the poor cat be put to sleep when it's the SIL who's batshit? She needs to book a sitter for the days she'll be away and let the cat remain at home in familiar surroundings. If she can't afford the sitter then get a couple of automatic feeders and make sure that there's plenty of water available.

What kind of sick fuck are you, hoping for the cat (who is the one individual here with zero ability to change the situation) to be put down?

Good on you OP!
But brace yourself for the cat being absolutely miserable over Christmas, as many have already stated due to it being taken from its home etc, but it all being your fault because, "Oh, the poor cat is so upset and reacting because she knows how OP feels about her and OP wanted her to be left out."
The reality will be that the cat just wants to go home, will not give a shit about you/how you feel about her, and will probably be relieved not to have any toddlers about.
But still - that cat will be hurt/upset by OP's request.

Good for you OP! Stick to your guns. Your SIL sounds like a spoilt brat. Don’t give in or she’ll never change. Let PIL visit you (without SIL and cat) a few days before.

Exactly.

The cat is a victim here too, she’s being forced into a stressful situation.

If SIL genuinely wants to prioritise her, she should let her stay at home.

God love you OP, batshit inlaws and a husband whom doesn't care about his wife or children.

Enjoy Christmas with your family, maybe have a rethink about your husband.

You and your children deserve much better.

I had a cat like this but she would bite guests hard. I kept her in my room when I had guests, she was quite happy napping In there and had everything she needed. She was my world too but there was no way she was biting my guests. Your SIL is being ridiculous.

I have two cats. Christmas at my mums with my baby niece, a load of adults they don't know in a house they don't know would be there idea of hell as would locking them in to one room - which is why your SIL most probably won't put her cat in a room because the cat will hate it.

I just couldn't face going, I think your husband is being unreasonable.

I'd guess SIL is just seeing 'a little scratch' or a 'teeny tiny bite' which she is probably used to. But the real problem is that 'a little scratch' in the wrong place or that gets bacteria into the wound can be a really huge problem FOR A CHILD. Same with a bite. I mean, it can be a big problem for an adult, but a poorly child is a very different kettle of fish. A cat could blind a child, their heads are at just the height for a good jump-and-claw.

No parent in their right mind puts their child in the firing line. Except, it seems, your DH, who can't see any further than his mum and sister being upset. When it all could be avoided if the poor cat could be shut away in one secure room, which the cat would infinitely prefer anyway.

No parent in their right mind puts their child in the firing line. Except, it seems, your DH, who can't see any further than his mum and sister being upset. When it all could be avoided if the poor cat could be shut away in one secure room, which the cat would infinitely prefer anyway.

And even better if the cat could stay in her comfy & familiar home with regular visits.

Yeah SIL's take on it is "don't they get cuts and grazes in the playground". By that logic - I may burn myself making dinner tonight so why don't I jump into a burning building for fun.

Have you told Dh you are never going to forget it anyway, and if he doesn’t work out his priorities then his children will forever remember it as the year daddy stopped spending Christmas with us and how the fuck do you think that will make them feel? I look forward to you explaining to your estranged adult children that you had no choice because your sister loves her cat more than I love you, and they can mutter yes dad the fucking cat and crazy aunty x, you’ve explained so many times why she is so much more important than us and you’re not listening. We don’t care. Go away.

Quite. Which is why I wrote out 'put to sleep' rather than PTS. PTS is easy. Three little letters that have been dehumanised. So much easier to think of it as PTS, rather than 'why don't you kill your cat?'.

I'm going with your opinion.

SIL is manipulative and ML seems to love the drama. And your DH is spineless.

Leave them all to ir