To expect my SIL to keep her aggressive cat away during Xmas?

[juiceboxjuggle]

My sister-in-law (SIL), has a cat that’s… let’s just say, difficult. The cat is quite aggressive—she’s bitten me before while I was just sitting on the sofa, scratched my husband simply for sitting too close to her toy, and even leapt at people with claws out from the back of a sofa or armchair. She also has this habit of scratching legs under the table while people are eating. It’s not exactly a relaxing presence.

This Christmas, we’re staying at my parents-in-law’s (PILs) house for two nights, which is non-negotiable with my husband. SIL will also be staying, and, as always, she’ll be bringing her cat. The cat is her world, and last year, when I gently suggested she keep the cat in a separate room during meals, she was really upset. She insists the cat needs to be “free to roam.”

As a result, last Christmas was stressful. Despite my best efforts to keep an eye on my two toddlers, one of them ended up with a big scratch from the cat while swinging their legs under the table—just normal kid behavior. To make matters worse, my husband has also been scratched in the past, simply because the cat was annoyed he wasn’t feeding her.

I’m dreading a repeat of last year and honestly don’t know how to handle this situation. How do I keep my kids safe without upsetting SIL again? I’d love to be able to enjoy a meal without constantly chasing the cat away or worrying about potential injuries. Any advice on how to navigate this?

If it weren’t your real life, OP, and you weren’t fairly level-headed – which is what your DH and his nutso family seem to take advantage of, that you’ll roll over to all this drama – I’d suggest you up the ante. SIL brings her heinous cat and her weeping about her sad life? Time you announced a pregnancy! Wear a new diamond ring to celebrate make-up-an-anniversary! Talk about your latest family holiday! Ask SIL if it’s difficult to get away because she has to stay home with the cat. Don't listen to the answer, move on to your next ante-upping – perhaps you’re being prioritised at work, invent a promotion! Meanwhile, shin pads and long socks for the kids while it’s under the table. Give SIL a Christmas present that’s actually for the cat and not her. If she’s going to be a twat, out-twat her.

Or turn up with your emotional support twin XL Bullies?

Maybe ask if SIL could get little teeth and claw covers for DCAT to limit the damage inflicted on DC 😂?

This made me laugh quite a lot. Whilst I know you are supposed to go high when they go low and all that, but out-twatting sounds much more satisfying.

Well there you have your answer.

SiL rules the roost and what she wants, she gets (so long as she throws in a few tears and acts panicked).

I'm so sorry for your DH and your family now but it's best to know where you are in the pecking order.

Are cat muzzles a thing?

Dunno but even if they are I wouldn't fancy being the one to try and put it on! On the vets advice we wrapped our cat in a pillowcase to administer medicine. Less than a minute later the pillow case was in shreds , I had a collection of bleeding scratches and the cat had disappeared up the garden!

Seriously dude, Im hearing twilight zone music. You dont have to dance to this. Let them have their drama. Tell your bloke you're staying home and he's welcome to stay or go alone.

This is bugger all about the cat. I guarantee if she met a bloke and pushed out a sprog, she would barely remember the cats name.

This is about being the sole focus. Who can be bothered?

I'd go but insist in advance the cat stays in a different room while the kids are there.
It's a compromise.
There is a pattern of unhealthy behaviour going on but you need to protect your children.

Here you go Rhaidimiddim: over to you to get the cat into them (and to assuage SIL's hysterics at the very idea)

www.amazon.co.uk/Bekecidi-Superior-Cat-Comfort-Experience%EF%BC%88Blue%EF%BC%89/dp/B0CY4V4YMP/ref=sr_1_3?adgrpid=58905632051&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.8i3mItNqwso62Cn5svQlW_XVDZmBXeFiEdnB3CAregBFCGolEszU7VJLhmHU_TzMngOPxBsGlafEdPEOgeaR_0cS-nfcdwImu1_uu_X12OHKaGfIBJYqRDvSMqRJcgzd1bix3aZHmFD7v0rAGG51oFdVsgjvoSRWLvVf_tnw2F6nh8-MHrRVPqiQH13Tcy3hlc6ibcNnZN0SaOm3AW4y0g9VcrY611z7C3jKNlGxCkTIUq81fm1b3p5jqdNphMy4XbYCJTUA03bvciJGc5dKDOxvpWsR7k-7SbikzpNcg0E.06lp14eNWyIeI0QskqYe74h8vGDmXwb1l1KH2YdCohk&dib_tag=se&hvadid=259040833677&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9193352&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=3475545507440853543&hvtargid=kwd-297231256747&hydadcr=28145_1821032&keywords=cat+muzzle&qid=1733168709&sr=8-3

I'd go but insist in advance the cat stays in a different room while the kids are there. It's a compromise

Trust us on this, @Toptops; SIL clearly doesn't want "a compromise" so there are really only two alternatives:

1. SIL spends day stropping and howling because her baby's shut away
2. Cat ricochets around with teeth and claws akimbo

Which is why so many of us have suggested simply not going - even those of us whose cats disappear behind the sofa whenever anyone calls, only deigning to grace visitors with their attention when they've been about 6 times

@juiceboxjuggle

What is the outcome of MIL's late night journey to SIL's last night ?

I've taken my cats with me to my parents' house many times - but it was familiar to them, and they didn't mind it at all. But neither of them liked big gatherings, and would steer well clear of family Christmas crowds.

Quite. Either you and the children stay home, or you send him on with them to deal with the cat. Your sister in law sounds like a lot of work, I can understand why she's found herself alone.

Or if you must go, take a water pistol, or spray bottle and spray at the cat.

Agreed with Brefugee here. This is hysteria.

Just get one of those plug in cat things which chills them. I think it’s called feelaway or something. It’s magic. Get a spray too

Make it his problem. He needs to know that you do not appreciate him putting a cat above the safety of your kids.

And don't go. Why spend time with people who care so little about the safety of your kids.

I was a bloody wreck when I was married & I'm infinitely better as a single, childfree cat mum (for all the ‘no wonder she’s single’ comments).

And because I love my cat so much, I wouldn’t dream of taking her to anyone else’s house when she could be comfortably at home with her fabulous pet sitter visiting twice a day.

SIL must realise that if her cat behaves differently at Christmas, that shows how stressed she is. She’s obviously not putting her cat first.

This is the only sensible solution.

Put so much better than I managed!

I know you've posted an update but if you do decide to travel to the inlaws house, this is the only way to deal with the situation should SiL's cat be there in the end.
Turn around and go home.

Make sure you have food for yourselves in your freezer at home should you decide to do this as you still want to have a Christmas but I'd make sure it's a Christmas on your terms, not theirs.

PILs and SIL are being utterly controlling.

They are not leaving you any option other than complying with their wishes.

I think you have to weigh up the option of saying no to Christmas visit full stop, stay at home and offer pils a visit in January, and let the flak fall where it may,
or agree to put up with the cat scratch your kids again. (she's not even agreeing to put it in another room whilst you eat?)

Just been reading the last lot of posts and concluded that SIL has taken over everyone's headspace from November and up to and beyond Xmas Day.
Its clear how much this is stressing out both you and your DH and its actually causing stress between you as well.

Its up to PILs how much they want to pander to her.

But you don't have to.

Its not fair on your DC to have you both subjected to this stress just because there's a public holiday coming up. Christmas for kids should be full of fun and anticipation - you won't get this time when they are relatively young back again. Don't let inflexible people ruin this time with your children.

And the cat can't be separated from SIL
does she not go out to work or vet leave her house?

You will get there and she’ll promise to put the cat in its own room, but when push comes to shove she’ll burst into tears and refuse to do it. Then there will be a massive teary drama in the middle of Christmas Day.