To be so upset I’m missing my child’s nativity?

[charmonachain]

Teacher myself … I really wish I’d just called in sick to be honest which I’ll probably be flamed for but I am a tad gutted. Saying so here so I don’t spend tomorrow swearing.

It's so sad that you can't be afforded the time. Did you offer to take it unpaid too?

Tricking thing with parental leave is that it seems crazy you have ti take a week of unpaid leave to see your child's nativity for what will probably be less than half an hour!!

Problem with phoning in sick if you get caught it's dismissal 😔

I've only worked in one school that wouldn't let you have time off. Most have just said, find somebody to cover. I'm covering a colleague on Thursday for that very reason.
Next year, don't ask ! Child ill etc
Works as long as you don't work very local. I was far enough away for them to not put two and two together. Serves the school right for being so inflexible.

Also, maybe look for new job with nicer management - they do exist.

I have had a thought. For next year ask to have a joint event with your child's school with the idea that it will foster new friendships. This will not help tomorrow.

I had the same when mine were younger. Particularly gutting the year my DD was Mary :(

What a shame I'd be fuming!

Not all schools are like this. Mine would give you the time off. I'd definitely start thinking about moving. If they are unreasonable about this I bet they are about other things.

Say you’ve had a gas leak or boiler break down, something that isn’t really in your hands. There isn’t much they will do about it, unless you have been off sick many times already.

It is not meant for a 1 off nativity
There are rules around it. You also cant just take it when you wish if there is a significant reason why it cant be afforded. Need 21 days notice as well.

It is certainly not so you can take an afternoon off for a nativity- there is no should at all for employers

So you are saying that a minimum if 21 days ago the op should have requested a week off unpaid to attend a nativity?

Do they not do an evening show you can go too?

I always feel for teachers missing their own kids bits at school

School management are idiots for not letting staff off to see their own children in a play.

The only thing I consistently missed was sports day as it always clashed the last few lessons before GCSE / A level exams and that took priority.

No. But you’re saying parental leave is not for that. You’re wrong. Anyone can use it for what they choose to use it for, and obviously put the request in at the right time.

I wouldn’t use parental leave like this, but another poster suggested that they might. That’s their choice.

The thing with moving schools is you don’t know whether it’s a frying pan into the fire situation.

I could never have time off for things like that but they were very chill with planning expectations and learning walks, book looks etc.

So although it was shitty for the nativity and sports day it was much better the rest of the year.

When I was a class teacher, I always used to tell the children whose parents weren't able to come, that I was watching them and would let their parents know how wonderful they’d been.
There are many perks to being a teacher in terms of hours and holidays but unfortunately your own children’s events aren’t one of them.
As a Headteacher, I tried to cover staff whenever possible but in a small school it wasn’t always possible.

It’s at the discretion of the Head and unfortunately they’re not all supportive. I never got to go to ANYTHING with my eldest because I was never given permission. She’s 13 now and still holds it against me.

It’s not great but that’s life for many working parents. My mum was a nurse and I can’t remember her ever being at a school event such as a nativity. She also worked most weekends and every other Christmas Day (alternated with New Year). And like most non-school employees she also worked most of the school holidays At least you get Christmas Day with your child if you’re a teacher.

Life is going to get harder than this so I suggest you grow a thicker skin.

Great. I’m kind of hoping for more than survival for my kids, I’m picky like that.

The school could do all sorts but they won’t, they have always been awful at stuff like this. I thought they’d improved recently but apparently not!

I missed most of my children's nativity performances because my employer, or more specifically my manager, was so inflexible. Private sector, financial services.
Now I'm a manager and I do everything I can to move things around so people in my team have as much flexibility as I can manage. We work for a massive company, but it's the small things that make people a bit happier in their work.

Can you offer to take unpaid leave?

Absolutely do not do this. If you get caught it will be classed as gross misconduct and you could face immediate dismissal.

I’m sure I could. It isn’t the money. They aren’t letting me. They never do; I’m annoyed at myself for asking!

It is rubbish isn’t it. I think head teachers say no because then non-parents start with the “well am I allowed a half day?”… this is what happened in my school anyway. A few years ago our head made allowances for things like this, but then put a stop to it as it was causing too many issues. But now we have a new head and he has put a well-being day in place, where we are all allowed one day (or two half days) in a year to take off when we want, so we don’t have this problem anymore. I know this doesn’t help you though OP!

This is one of the reasons I quit teaching when I had my first child.

I work for an education charity now, and there's loads of flexibility. I'm going to my son's merit assembly tomorrow, then his and my daughter's nativities on two different days.
Is this something you'd consider? There's definitely life outside the classroom.

Regarding the matter at hand, if they won't be flexible with you, do absolutely nothing extra for them going forwards. Bare minimum. They could have sorted this out. In the old days, we used to cover for each other. Nobody took the piss. They've shown how much they value you, so remember it!!

There will be many working parents missing the nativity and very many other day time events over the years. Most parents can't go to everything.

I was always thankful that our primary school had an evening nativity.

Yes this is true no school is perfect and your overall work life balance is hugely important to your children.

However I do think these things are quite indicative of how how much a school values staff wellbeing and how supportive they are with other stuff.

Exactly. Ridiculous idea.

Yeah I know, it's shit - I had my kids in the 80s and I never saw a nativity in the infants because they were during the day. The juniors had theirs in the evening so I saw those - but I really missed seeing them when they were 4 and 5. Fortunately we had grandparents relatively locally so they went instead and the kids didn't feel left out. Also in those days they did used to do a video (I know they can't now - and for good reasons).