To be so upset I’m missing my child’s nativity?

[charmonachain]

Teacher myself … I really wish I’d just called in sick to be honest which I’ll probably be flamed for but I am a tad gutted. Saying so here so I don’t spend tomorrow swearing.

I'm so sorry op, that's sh**. No wonder schools lose good teachers. Unless they're incredibly understaffed I would want to know why.

Really? I agree with that poster.

Not wishing to sound like an arse but that doesn’t make it somehow ‘ok discussion over.’

Some will think it’s a horrendous act of fraud but in the real world you do sometimes have to do these sorts of things. And as I say I am annoyed with myself for not doing it in the first place!

Whilst I think many think it may be OK once, the retired teacher thought it OK whenever she felt like it or when her work did not comply with her life. "only several times a year " "sometimes a day other times just an hour" this is not acceptable. If your life does not work with your job then you need to change your job. I can not understand how anyone can think that this lying is OK its not.

In general I’d agree but I think changing my entire career on the basis of one event for a maximum of what, three years, would be madness.

I don't agree with you taking a sicky to the nativity especially when your husband can go but that is not comparable to what the poster I quoted has said.

I have missed loads of stuff for my daughter, I accept that with the career that I had when she was little I would be away from home had no chance of getting to any school play etc but I knew that was the case and accepted it.

I am now self employed I get to do what I want but I have to provide a service to my clients which may involve me be called off at short notice and of course when I am on holiday I do not get paid.

Nothing is perfect but we make the choices we think are best and you did that choosing to be teacher knowing the downsides.

I think that basing your whole career on not being able to go to a nativity would not be a wise move.

Can you imagine though if you did throw a sicky and got caught and how that would feel ?

@Cromwell1905 - I won’t be pulling a sickie. I was stupid and was honest and got a ‘no’ as a result. So I won’t be making that mistake again.

DH will almost certainly forget, which is a whole other issue but putting that aside. I qualified as a teacher twenty two years ago: deciding at the age of 22 to do something else because nearly quarter of a century later this issue might arise is madness. Next year I shall call in sick, go to my child’s nativity and that is that. Is it something I habitually do, no, is is something I’ve done when I’ve felt the need to, yes, and I will continue to do so.

Tricky if you commute for an hour and a half door to door as obviously you need the whole morning or afternoon off. I've never missed one as my job is very flexible, WFH mostly when I want to as I'm not in a client facing position but DH is an Architect and missed two Christmas plays as he was on site and couldn't get a day off which is what he would have needed. That said, he didn't miss the Nativities which my DCs only did in infant school. At Junior school it was Christmas performances, concerts and choir in a church type of thing. All our Nativity plays were in the morning which was actually better for work arrangements than 2 in the afternoon.

I completely get it OP, I really feel for you. My DD was asked to be an Angel in a beautiful church Nativity as she attended Rainbows and the vicar asked if anybody's child would be interested as it was in the evening. She was 5 at the time and it was probably the best nativity she was in, perhaps when your child is old enough they may be able to do something similar? Obviously no help this year with a pre-schooler.

I was a mum as well as a teacher. I did it correctly and asked to attend my child's activities but was told no, so I saw no other way.

But I can assure you with the after school and weekend activities i attended in relation to my job, as well as the marking and all the other paperwork involved in teaching, I more than made up my hours.

Younger child has finally deigned to nap (I don’t work Tuesdays, before I am accused of fraudulent activity.)

My school is famously ridiculous about time off in term time and I have to say I haven’t worked many places that are as rigid as this one. When I’d only been there a couple of months I discovered a lump in my breast; I’d only just stopped breastfeeding so I wasn’t too alarmed but still, needs investigating and I managed to get a hospital appointment for the end of that week which was mostly in PPA time - great, I just needed the last fifteen minutes of my lesson covered so I could get there on time and I was stunned when I got a No. So I should have known! However, we had a staff wellbeing survey last year and so many of us expressed concern about the lack of flexibility and that it was actually driving up rates of absence because for many of us with small children, if they seem a bit off colour, might be OK, might not be, we have to call in sick because if we do get a phone call from nursery or school to say they aren’t well we just can’t get out. So I hoped they’d be a lot more relaxed but it seems not.

No one has replied to my email - I’ll ask again tomorrow but I suspect there will just be mumbling and ask such a body … sigh.

I'm sorry you're upset, but be serious.

Yep - it’s not only teachers but commuting is a choice that can make things harder when you’ve got children.

Ok moving away from nativities now- this is unbelievable and seems maybe illegal (I don't actually know this but it seems not right). Have you contacted your union about not being allowed time off for medical appointments? Especially things that are time sensitive.

Also how would your school react if a parent refused to pick up an ill child? I suspect they would consider it a welfare issue. Yet they are potentially putting you in that scenario.

Your DH 'forgetting' isn't really on either!

I didn't say it was discussion over. Arguably telling someone to get off their high horse is trying to shut them up.

Yanbu. I'm a teacher and my school are very supportive of their staff. Low turnover and they great commitment.

DW is ex teacher my sister is a primary head, SIL is a teacher all three have worked commercially either before or after teaching. They all joke about how teachers think that they are the only people who do any work at home or stay late, or start early most people on jobs of a similar salary do.

hey I ended up spending two days of my honeymoon working on a tender document and the amount of times I have had to drive somewhere when on holiday to get reception for a conference call …. I knew that taking a job at the level I was at meant it would infringe on my evenings, weekends and holidays often with no notice. If I became a vicar I know that the chances of my being able to play Sunday league would be limited and being a teacher means it’s hard to get term time off.

Twice you have said dh can go but be May forget

Is he usually a crap dad ?

Does he need reminding of basic things

Not what the thread is about.

It's a part of it

Dh goes your child will have someone to watch them and for them to wave to etx

Dh forgets. They don't

Yes it's a shame you can't make it but he can .....

I was a Headteacher of a very small school, where I taught all the juniors in my class four days a week, and did the headteachers duties on the other day. Despite the limited number of staff (2 teachers, including me), a nursery nurse and a secretary / classroom support worker, I always made whatever arrangements I could to allow any member of staff to go to their child's concert, sports day, nativity etc. I had all the children together one afternoon to practice our Christmas concert, with the help of the other teacher, to allow the secretary / classroom support to go to her daughter's school play. It's a matter of respecting your staff and treating them well.

So sorry that you are not being treated the same way. Could you get another parent to video the performance for you? I know it's not the same but it might help a bit.

Will whoever has PPA then switch with you?

This was meant to be comforting, not rude - clearly op is upset but it's a pity not to take it in the spirit intended.
If op is a teacher they must have seen that sometimes parents can't attend - the inevitable consequence of juggling job and childcare.
(Would there by any chance be a friend who might be able to go?)

You're quite right @PorridgeEater - it wasn't meant to be rude. Although I can see why it was taken as such.

My point being that, as a teacher, there are many, many things that your children do that you can't attend. And so the OP has to ask herself is this about her or her children? There will be plenty of children in the OP's class whose parents or guardians aren't able to attend, so her child won't be the only one without someone in attendance.

And, of course, being the child of a teacher does have the other, much more significant benefit of having them around for all their school holidays.

This is really sad.

I went to our nativity yesterday and sat next to another mum, who I know to be a teacher at a local school. Our school definitely also lets the staff go to odd things like this - we’ve been told before in the newsletter e.g. “Class 1A will be covered by a different teacher on Friday as Miss X is running a marathon!”. I think it’s a real plus that our school and other local schools let their teachers off for the odd day or half day, I can’t imagine they’d be that motivated otherwise.

Yeah it was. I laughed.