To be so upset I’m missing my child’s nativity?

[charmonachain]

Teacher myself … I really wish I’d just called in sick to be honest which I’ll probably be flamed for but I am a tad gutted. Saying so here so I don’t spend tomorrow swearing.

This is awful. I am a teacher and although I always miss other school events I have always been allowed time off for Natvities.
It would only mean covering an hour. I would remind them of this whenever they asked for any flexibility, I'd remind them whenever some bullshit wellbeing box ticking affair took place.
I would maybe ask governors? It is worth a try.
Just because you are a teacher shouldn't mean you have to miss out on important events like this. I don't understand anyone on here pretending it isn't a big deal.

I voted YANBU for feeling as you do. I missed several of my son's nativity plays when he was younger, was a FT working parent and couldn't always get the time off. It is more common than you think. Please don't beat yourself up about it. I understand how u feel

@EmotionalSupportPotato people are. That's why there is a recruitment and retention crisis. I am selfishly glad that my younger DC has only this year and next of school left and is in a school where staff seem generally to be happy. Lots of pupils are being taught by supply who have limited knowledge of the subject they are teaching.

Believe me, I’ve thought about it (leaving) but it’s fairly good pay, part time, school holidays. I just hate it when stuff like this happens. It’s different too if it was ‘I’m really sorry, we’d love to let you but …’ but it isn’t, it’s that blanket ‘no.’

It isn't a big deal to a lot of people. Some people place a lot of importance on it other people do not. It's not a 'universal big deal' which is why some people can't understand someone seemingly willing to give up a career over it. Especially when that career means you are guaranteed to be able to spend Christmas, Easter, Summer etc with your child

And this is why being a teacher never interested me. I couldn’t imagine having a job that is that restrictive. I’d rather work throughout the year and not have the long holidays and be able to take time when I want it rather than being told what to do. I am sure that is what contributes to there being teenager shortages alongside the pay.

It isn’t just the nativity in itself @Littletreefrog . It applies to so many things and I do accept my school is at the extreme end of things but it’s not much comfort having holidays ‘off’ when you can’t even see a GP during term time. But I am not at that stage yet.

This is one of the reasons why I have teaching for a whole other career. And when I tell people I used to be a primary school teacher they gasp and say oh don’t you miss the school holidays… the answer is simply no ,no I do not, because I would much rather being able to take time off when it suits me. Being a teacher means you are with everyone else’s kids and then when you’re off, you’re with your own which is great, but you don’t get time for yourself. I have less time off but I use it wisely and I can take a day off here and there just for me to do things that I need to do. It’s also much more flexible with time so I can go to my children’s concerts, etc without putting in or out on anyone!

you are with everyone else’s kids and then when you’re off, you’re with your own which is great, but you don’t get time for yourself
I can so relate to this at the moment!

I sympathise OP. DH is a teacher so I understand about missing out on significant events (including not attending a pregnancy scan, resulting in me being alone in tragic circumstances). Our DC are older now and over the years DH has had a lot more quality time with them than I could ever have with my 6 weeks annual leave. I know it’s not much comfort now though unfortunately.

This is the thing about teachers; we get so little leeway about attending our own children's events. It's sad really.

I have less time off but I use it wisely and I can take a day off here and there just for me to do things that I need to do

Many working parents don't have this option because they use all their AL to cover school holidays.

It’s also much more flexible with time so I can go to my children’s concerts, etc without putting in or out on anyone!

Agree with this. My work affords a great deal of flexibility (I am senior, it hasn't always been this way) and I truly appreciate being able to duck out for such things. They are fewer now DS2 is at secondary, but even things like collecting him a bit late after a football match is something I can easily do.

Unsympathetic

That will be entirely at the discretion of your employer

the statutory entitlement however requires it to be taken in blocks of a week.

@charmonachain I know it’s not the same for you but will your dh be going to the nativity?

Perhaps you should go into school and be honest. You’ve thought about it and decided you will go to your dc’s nativity.
Then if you find yourself looking for a new job research the school well first.

Maybe because I also see it from the other side. Some children are inconsolable, in floods of tears because a parent was unable to attend. It isn't nice to see.
It is great to have summer holidays and Christmas etc.. with my children but actually quite a lot of their holidays are different to mine as I work in a different authority to where their school is so it isnt a given.

Yes needs to be a block of a week, unless your child is SEN

DH … well, he could go, but he does have form for forgetting which is another story but I’m not confident he’ll appear to be honest.

Why doesn't the OP's DC's primary school do the Nativity in the evening? The RC school where my DC attended did just this. Everyone came because it was around 7 pm. I'd suggest this was a good idea.

I was delighted when my last child left primary and there were no more bloody nativities/shows/displays. Too much attendance is expected of parents. Most work and it’s not just teachers who find it hard to get time off. Where possible I drafted in grandparents or aunts etc. when I had to go, I found it very long and tedious for a brief moment of your child. However if you want to go then it’s a shame you couldn’t but by no means out the ordinary in my experience. I would urge you to keep some perspective about it though otherwise you’ll get upset every year. Unless you stop work completely then there’s no guarantee you would get the time off you want. In my experience there was always an evening show and several weekday performances. Total
overkill and you’d be demented trying to go to them all.

Perhaps because it isn’t a primary school school isn’t until next year.

It's time that preschools and primary schools stopped doing this. By all means, put on a nativity play but stop inviting parents in during the working day. We don't live in a world anymore where most families have one parent at home and holiday days are at a premium as it is when there is childcare to consider during school holidays. Perform for the rest of the school or put evening shows on for parents when children are older, but these daytime invitations need to stop.

OP, you can ignore the goady fuckers. Ofc you'd like to go, not least because we ALL know that kids look hopefully to see their parents in the audience and it's simply not fair that some children can have their parents or grandparents there to watch and some can't.

Primary schools seem to still operate under the illusion that there is a readily available parent to create costumes, attend daytime plays and other such days and there just isn't.

Get signed off; you can self certify for the first week.

SLT needs to do better by their teaching and support staff. Schools are already bleeding teachers.

@charmonachain
I haven't read all the posts. Too many were unsympathetic.
I get it.
It sucks.
It's sad that I was relieved once mine left primary as I wouldn't need to face the battles anymore.
It's sad that schools want parents to attend these events but can't see the irony in not allowing their own staff to attend.
And the hours going above and beyond for your school kids, but not being able to do the same once in a while for your own.
I had a wonderful deputy for a short while, who knowing the head would refuse, would do a lesson swap with me.
Your kids will more than survive whether or not you are there, but it doesn't mean it's not rubbish.
🤞 next time will be on a non-working day.

FFS. She's not ill and at no point has she suggested she is.